28 year old male living at home! What's so bad about it?

Question

I am a single, straight, 28 year old male that lives at home with his parents and other adult siblings. I am very successful in my career and I am highly educated as well, so it's not like I am a lazy person as some may want to believe when they hear I choose to live at home. My parents actively encourage their kids to live at home as long as they would like and rent free of course. What I don't understand is the jealousy people have of my living arrangements. If they are so jealous, most of them, I am sure, could make arrangments to move back home. I am the brunt of many nasty comments/jokes like this due to many forms of jealousy. It is worth noting that these arrangements did not come easy. I had to cultivate this great relationship with my family over a number of years. So it's not like anything was doled out to me. Plus, this is the least our parents can do considering all the years of joy we have given them in the past. They get a kick out of that when I tell them that.

But I digress. Another thing I don't understand is why girls my age claim that this is such a turn off. Why can't a relationship flourish if I live at home? Oh, I get it, they want to have premarital sex etc. Forget it, I don't believe in that at all. But that doesn't mean that they can't come over or that we can't go out. People are really silly when you think about it. And it's not like I am a "mama's boy" either. I simply respect the other people that I live with. I try not to be home too late and when I am I call etc. One more thing that I get abused over is the fact that I have never had a girlfriend or even had my first kiss. I have been so busy with school and work that this simply was not a possibility. When I am done with my masters next year, I will give it a shot again. I have only gone on 2 dates in my entire life and that was when I was 23. I think most people from my type of background as mentioned above have little to no experience with relationships either.

What do you think?

Answer 1

"Oh, I get it, they want to have premarital sex etc. Forget it, I don't believe in that at all. But that doesn't mean that they can't come over or that we can't go out."

NO...... your thinking doesn't make sense here. you want something they don't and you KNOW IT.

doesn't make for a good argument.

In my humble opinion of women, I think they are looking for a man that can supply / or help supply independence as a couple,

You have years together with your family and are comfortable with them, the girls you might data, HAVE NOT spent all those years with them and is unfair to her to have to not only get to know you, but also every member of the family, every day, every hour....

my brother lived at home till he was 36 years old.
my parents got a house in austin and my brother didn't want to leave houston so he FINALLY got a place on his own.

obvisouly he has a hard time dealling with change because he never had to change living with my parents,...... I think thats a VERY important aspect of life people need to learn to deal with......

he would rather give up than to change and I will fight to adapt and RARELY fall on my face needed something from my family members. I take care of EVERYTHING myself.....

now that he is own his own he has stated to me that he IS MUCH more happier than he EVER THOUGHT he would be.... freedom is a nice commodity and now he understands how it feels.


either way, FINISH school, thats one reason I have your back.
School is much more important than having your own place.

when you get a salary, you can get your own place and it should go down without a hitch since you have money a job and a degree...... the women should follow and they will...

I think your doing OK

Answer 2

well, you are rare in this world. Most people your age, as you know, have screwed around a lot. And in traditional American culture, it's typical of kids out move out at 18-21. I know in other cultures staying with parents until marriage is not only typical or smart (e.g. benefits of a close family and being able to save money, etc) Some people may be jealous but I think it's more they don't understand. Most of us have parents who were jerks more or less (e.g. physically or mentally abusive, alcohol or drug addicts, etc) and can't imagine wanting to ever live with those type of rents. Keep on keeping on. Ignore the naysayers. I hope my best friend finds a nice guy like you, but you're a little too young.

Answer 3

Living on your own (away from mom and dad) is a sign of responsibility. You have taken control of your own life and are able to take care of yourself.

I can see that it may be nice to live there and save up. Many people don't have parents that would allow that, or if they did, only if they child was in deep trouble or financial need.

IMO, when I see someone over 20 living at home I would worry they cannot sustain themselves. It depends on the person I guess, but hearing that you live with your parents also sends the message that you still obey their rules which is a turn off for some people. Your freedom (whether you want it or not) is limited, or one might think that.

I think many just worry that if you might not be able to funtion in life without mom and dad, and most couples hate the in laws enough without having them around all the time...

Answer 4

There is absolutely nothing wrong with it, and, hey, if you are 28 and finishing your MA, GOOD FOR YOU! Take this time to save your money for when you are ready to move into your own home and establish a family...any girl who doesn't respect that you have a long term plan and a great relationship with your family is not someone you want to be involved with anyway! If they want privacy, you can always go to their place (with or without the premarital sex). As to the comments, just smile and tell your "friends" how much this arrangement is helping you to establish a solid future, and when they're 35 (or 40 or 45) and still struggling to buy a house and/or establish a meaningful relationship with a woman of substance, you'll be well on your way to a happy family life with a solid foundation. And don't worry so much about what others think!

Answer 5

There really isn't anything wrong with living at home with your parents, but here in this society, we seem to celebrate independence. For whatever reason, we seem to want kids to go through their own Revolutionary War and break free from the Motherland around the ages of 18-25. If kids don't do that, they're labeled "Mama's boy" or "Daddy's little girl" and it's hard to live down. It's just the way our society believes. It doesn't mean it's right or wrong. I think that someday you will find a girl who is THRILLED with the fact that you haven't gone out and lived like "loser" guys do. I would love to be with a guy like you. You'll probably be the most loyal, true, faithful, wonderful husband, unlike 95% of the guys out there. Just be who you are. Who cares what everyone else thinks? With the divorce rate and STD rate so high, we must be doing something wrong and maybe you're doing something right.

Answer 6

I think you are fine as long as these things to do not apply to you:
1. You are using your parents for your own financial gain.
2. You are socially weird and do not have friends and relationships beyond your family.
3. You are afraid of committment.
4. You have to convince yourself (or others) that this is the best situation for you.

I really think adult children can live with their parents in a normal, healthy environment, but not for an extended period of time. For your own personal growth and development as an adult, this may be holding you back from relationships and opportunities for you to stand on your own. It feels good to buy your own home and pay your own bills. It has given me a great sense of stability and pride that I have never had to ask my family for money.

Anyway, you are not a bad person, just consider if this is preventing you from growing and becoming a more independent person.

Answer 7

it is not jealousy but you will never see it any other way. When I think 28 y/o living at home with parents i automaticly think bum. You should want to be independent. Be out on your own. be able to have a place you call your own. Do not get me wrong. I lvoe my parents but there comes a time that i have got to be who i am and stand on my own 2 feet. You have no idea about the real world and a mortgage, rent, light bill, water bill....anything. I would not dare date you either because there is NO privacy.

So you may see it as jealousy, when in fact we, the real world see you a pathetic man that can not stand on his own two feet. I di not care how educated you are or are not, that has nothing to do with it at all.

If i knew you i would ask if your mom still breast feed you and changed your diapers? But that is just me..... :)

Answer 8

What's so bad about this is that you are not demonstrating to the world, including any women that would be interested in a romantic relationship with you, that you can be responsible and self-sustained. Living on your own is a huge responsibility and by choosing not to your actions tell people that you cannot or are not willing to be self-sufficient. It is more than paying bills. It's keeping your home clean and in good repair, keeping the yard up, waking up on your own and cooking for yourself because there is no one else there to do it for you.

Innately the male of the species is "supposed" to feel certain instincts including the drive to "protect and provide". You are showing people that you are not interested in doing that for yourself, let alone a family of your own. At 28 any women you meet are going to want a relationship that results in marriage and family. How is a girl supposed to expect you to provide those things to her when you don't even show her that you can provide for yourself?

Another problem women are going to have with you living with family is that there is no privacy. If you're not interested in premarital sex that's your business, but even conversation between you and a prospective mate should be private. Knowing someone else in is your home probably makes women feel awkward and uncomfortable. And for a woman to become serious with you she is going to want to feel like the "woman of the house" even if you don't live together. She is going to want to know that when she comes over she can do things her way. Such as if she cooks for you in your home. She is not going to feel this way with your mom around.

And our parents do NOT owe it to us to allow us to live rent free for 10 of our adult years. Part of being an adult is becoming self-sustaining. If anything I think your parents failed at their job of raising you to become an adult and integrate with normal society.

Answer 9

I think you need to live on your on so you can experience life in the real world. Yes you have book smarts, but you don't have an independent life experience. Do you know how to pay bills and manage your money. If your parents were to drop dead tomorrow would you be able to live on your own?
Of course you would, but it would be a big adjustment, and you would feel somewhat lost. Your parents aren't preparing you for the real world. I'd like for you to get your own apartment and experience life as a single man living on his own. Someone as smart as you and who has a successful career will be snatched up real quick, and you want to be able to look back on your life, and reminisce about your single days before that happens.

Answer 10

Are you Indian? i have a roomate that was just like this up until a couple years ago. now he is 32..and is still very focused on his career and is STILL a virgin. most of his friends are also this way. i dont find anything wrong with it..but i can tell you this: most girls idea of a perfect guy is one that is independent and has his own things. this shows them he can take care of her. its not always about premarital sex. i find my roomate to be a very good guy. he says his reasoning for waiting to buy his own house is because he has no wife or kids to fill it. so he just continues to save his many earnings and make his bank account bigger. In the end, the women will come running. sadly though, they may be dissapointed by his lack of experience in bed..but they will get over it...just like in your case. So dont mind what people say.

Keep doing what youre doing. My parents are the same way..very open and generous. i just prefer to not live by their many rules and restrictions. Good luck!