When you become a parent do you loose the ability to be considerate to the public in general?

Question

My husband and i were eating at Fat Apple's (EC) last week when several *very* small children began to play under our table. Their parents were across the room and seemed oblivious to the situation. The waiter told the kids to go back to their parents as the kids were not only quite loud, but were doing very unsafe things like crawling under chairs. Eventually, the waiter asked the parents to come get the kids. (By then, the little ones were screaming.) The mom came over and as she was taking the littlest baby (about 2yo) from under the table, said to me very sweetly ''you don't mind the noise, do you.' My response was ''Actually, yes I do.'' So...of course, she got very mad at me and made quite a stink about how i didn't like kids.
Here's the question: How should i have handled the situation? Should i have stopped the kids earlier? Should i have not said anything to the parent who seemed to feel that I was a child hater?

Advice, please. I wouldn't have said anything at all if she hadn't asked...or if she had said that she was sorry for the disruption, I would have just thanked her for taking the child away. i just *thought8 that she was trying to make me a co- dependent in her kids behavioral issues. Honestly likes kids!

Answer 1

WOW...I agree with you that some parents just have no common consideration for the rest of society. I mean if my dog acted like that people would call the ASPCA on me and would want the dog removed immediately (assuming they even let my dog in in the 1st place).

I would have said something as soon as they came to my table. You were paying to have an enjoyable meal out and should not have to tolerate someone else interfering with that...would you say something is someone was blowing smoke in your face while you tried to eat? To me it is the same sort of disrespectful interruption (sans the negative side effects of the smoke, but stress/anger kill too and I get a wee bit upset at bratty kids)...

So bottom line, you are in the clear. That parent was example #1 of what is wrong with America today--total lack of any sense of responsibility or accountability and blame others for their lack of good sense. I hope that you told the manager and maybe they will take more decisive action in the future to remedy situations like that sooner.

Answer 2

"When you become a parent do you loose the ability to be considerate to the public in general?"
Obviously not. You say you have 4 children; did becoming a parent have that effect on you?
Some people are just oblivious, and would be whether or not they had children. You were fine to say something to the woman who let her children run wild. While it's important for people to realize that even the best behaved child has an outburst at some point, screaming, running and carrying on are inappropriate behaviors for a public restaurant. You really don't have a right to stop the kids, but you have a right to speak up to the parents. Tell them that you realize kids sometimes get rowdy (after all, you have 4 of your own), the kids are really keeping you from having a quiet dinner. Ask that they either quiet them down and keep an eye on them, or leave.
I would never take my eyes off of my child while we were out, and I certainly wouldn't let him act like a barbarian in a restaurant. This reminds me of a sign I once saw in a hotel: "All unattended children will be turned over to the local police." I think every establishment frequented by families should have a similar policy.

Answer 3

Loud, children played under your table in unsafe circumstances.....
You were very pleasant and kind. I think most people would have acted the way you did. By the mother asking you about the noise and distraction, was uncalled for,, and she was laying the responsibility and guilt trip on you. As a mother, she should pull the reins so to speak on her children, and leaving them around strangers, and with what it is today, is very uncertain and scary.
If something like this happens again, ask the child where is mom and dad? They should point the way, and let the waiter or management handle it from there, and tell them what is going on.

Answer 4

About 25.

Answer 5

I think you showed tremendous tolerance toward people who didn't deserve it. When parents don't teach their children manners, they end up growing up as those jackasses who cut you off on the highway, yak loudly on the cell phone, or grow up to in turn, chase their own brats around Kmart. I would have physically removed the children from under my table and handed them back to the parents. True, I don't like kids, but at least I appreciate when people know how to raise them right and keep them quiet. People seem to think that we all have to live with how their kids behave and say nothing- I say Bravo for not letting them get away with it.

In hindsight, theres nothing you can do now, but one thing I can suggest is point out when children are being good. I've told a few people how impressed I was that their kids were behaving so well in certain situations and people always appreciate it.

Answer 6

You did nothing wrong. Parents should watch their children and keep them under control in public. Not only is it disrespectful to let your kids run free, but it sets a bad example for the other children in the restaurant.

I would have called over the waiter a lot sooner and mentioned that I didn't order the noisy children. Yes, kids will be kids, but it is up to the parent to teach them that there is a place and time for everything.

The parents will learn when they get insulted.in public. If you just smiled at her, she would have thought the waiter was just being rude, and people enjoy her screaming kids. She probably only got upset because she was embarrassed.

Answer 7

You are really nice and kind but the fact of the matter is, you and your husband were paying customers and deserve no interference before,during or after your meal. My advice next time this happens is to get up, go to the cash register and ask for the manager, ask for a different table or that the family be moved somewhere else. If he doesn't comply, tell him , well then I just have to leave. When you get home call corporate headquarters....( make sure you get all the necessary phone numbers)

Answer 8

A big YES to that. Where I live, The parents shove their kids out the door to roam the streets like animals. Then when peoples property get damaged or a building gets torched they don't give s crap. The children on my street have torched three buildings, Houses and all they get is a slap on the wrist because they are children. This I also blame on the government. Also these are 8 & 9 year old children that torched the bldgs. We have 5 year old brats running around the street too.

Answer 9

No- you were right to say something! I am a mother of two and I have a hand in raising my many godchildren and nephews as well. I don't know why some parents act ignorant in public and let their kids run loose, I see this all the time at the doctor's office, the store, anywhere in public and it's so irritating. Kids are going to be kids, they are going to want to run wild under your table, it is the parent's job to get them to act right, not to ask you to tolerate it. If my kids act up in public I remove them from the situation and let them know they will be disciplined at home. I don't let them make strangers uncomfortable.
I would've acted CRAZY so I'm glad you didn't!!

Answer 10

I would have probably told her that she needed to get her kids or I'd have DCF (Department of Children and Families) down there. We need to stop allowing parents so much leeway like that---and they need to get off their lazy derrieres and control the brats they spawned. People who don't know how to properly raise kids don't deserve my respect in any way.

I personally only like children if they're someone else's and I don't have to be around them too long.