I'm feeling really sad and guilty for leaving mom on holidays to go meet my b/f family? Need advice Please!

Question

We are planning on getting married nxt yr before he deploys to korea next yr. Before we get married he wants me to meet his parents and family. The only time we have to go back is during christmas. I live with my mom and with me leaving she will be left alone on christmas. I have 2 older brothers and 1 sister but they really never come visit on holidays they might call but thats it. I'm feeling really guilty for leaving her and we had planned to take her with us but we will be staying with his mom and I myself really dont even know what to expect from his family. I told my mom the other day that I felt bad leaving her behind and it would make it easier if my siblings would come visit her. But her answer was that they are married and have things to do and he is only you b/f but you can go and have a good time I don't have a problem been here alone. She made me feel really bad. I feel Im been selfish. Has anyone been in this situation before? Please need advice

Answer 1

It happens. You are doing the right thing by going with your boyfriend. Don't feel guilty about your mother...I am a mom...and if one of my children wanted to do something like you are doing...I would be happy for them. Your mother is a grown woman, she could have a different life than she has....she has chosen not to develop more relationships with people and then lay the guilt on you. This is wrong. Go have fun and give her a couple of calls.

Answer 2

The fact that you are very considerate of your husband's family needs is outstanding. But some things you must consider are: 1. To what ENDS do you carry this consideration? 2. And how long will you be ready to put-up with his family's demands on YOU if their demands on your hubby and kids turn out to be not to your liking or well being? Do not make long term COMMITMENTS such as buying a home instead of renting or closing all doors behind you at your present local. Be patient and feel your way around before committing yourself into a possible QUANDARY of problems and emotions. You may find out that once a year visit for your in laws is more than enough for you, your husband and children. And speaking from experience "a gambler will lose all her money and expect her kids to dig her out of these holes", has no business in "YOUR IMMEDIATE FAMILY". This does not sound like a good move. What you said as a child " remember saying when i was little that i was going to move away from ks" does not compare to good old adult mature rationalization. Please go to your local house of worship and discuss this with your "GOD"

Answer 3

You could take her, and she could stay in a hotel nearby,while you stay with your boyfriend's family, as planned. It might be nice for the future inlaws to meet now, too. But if this isn't feasible, go anyway, do not feel guilty, its time for you to fly the nest. A shame your siblings are not more involved with your mom, is there a good reason? Good wishes,

Answer 4

Yes, I have. I left my Mom alone on her birthday and Mother's Day; fell on the same day once and I never got over the guilt. She passed away a few years ago and how wish I coud do it over again! You'll be with your b/f and his family other times, but you can't retrieve your time with your Mom...it's very special and you will regret it so much down the road. I found her day book from that day recently and she never wrote anything bad, just said I went out and she drew a sad face at the end; I cried when I saw that! I love you Mom!!!!

Answer 5

I am a mother and widowed, this would not bother me at all,
and I would certainly want you to go! Since you live with your mother especially you can fill her in on your trip when you return. You have a life to live I would guess your mom knows this, the greater % of adult children leave the nest sooner or later, that is normal. I'd say go with out guilt, your mom will be fine.

Answer 6

Rein hit the nail on the head. This is what you are supposed to be doing. Its called GROWING UP! If your mom wants to be alone, she will be. She could also be out volunteering and not sitting at home chewing her own cud. No one need be alone at any time. There is always something to do somwhere. Also, if you are going to be a warrior's wife, you better get a little iron in your spine. It will be the hardest thing you will ever do~until you become a parent ! : )

Please thank your future husband for his service to our country. And thank you, too for the sacrifice you are going to have to make.

Answer 7

You are NOT being selfish. Your mom is being manipulative and immature. Yes, he is ONLY your bf for NOW. He will be your husband next year. It's time for your mom to learn to live without you. What would you do if your bf/husband was sent to Germany for several years? Not live with him? You are your own person, a grown up adult and you have your own life to live.
Nicely explain this to your mother and if she tries to lay a guilt trip on her tell her to stop, it won't work.

Answer 8

The thing is he IS just your boyfriend. When you get married you'll have the rest of your life to spend the holidays with his family. You can meet them any other day. Your mom will be by herself. You should either stay with her or take her with you. If you do take her with you just stay at a hotel with her. Remember, you'll have the rest of your life to spend the holidays with your bf's family.