I want to scream when they look at my son like that!!?

Question

My 5 year old is Autistic. Before when people noticed his"bad" behavior, I guess they didn't stare because they thought it was just his age, now people stare, roll their eyes at me or worse him. I want to strangle these people! They hurt my feelings by treating him like he is an out of control animal or something. I really need some advise on how to deal with this, please!! He is still my baby, why are so many people so cruel?

Answer 1

When you notice people doing that, I would say, "I'm sorry you don't understand autism. Are there any questions you would like to ask so you don't continue to make those faces?"
Kill em with kindness, but add a little snippiness in there lol. P.S. I'm really glad that there is a rise in autism awareness, but I'm also sorry you still have ignorant people out there.

Answer 2

Sometimes adults suck.

My 7-year-old has autism, too. He's usually "the weird kid" at school, but the kids like him and help him stay focused and on track. Kids can be very nice when they know what autism means.

Adults are another story, and sometimes, yes, they suck.

This might help. When we go somewhere (the store, a restaurant, whatever) I debrief both my sons (I have one G&T and one SpEd). I let them know my expectations about their behavior, but I keep it positive and simple:
1) You will stay with me ("close enough that I can touch your head")
2) You will keep your hands to yourself ("put your hands in your pockets if you can't keep them at your sides")
3) You will use your quiet voices
4) You will say "please," "thank you," and otherwise be polite

If they don't behave, we go home. One warning, then we go. Period. I only had to do that once, and they got the message pretty quickly because they had to sit in their rooms once we got home.

Also, my son has received OT and speech therapies since he was 2 1/2, so he's had some opportunity to pick up coping skills, and that helps all of us. If your son has been evaluated and diagnosed at 5, chances are good that he's either having therapies currently or has in the past. Talk to his therapists and see if they have some insight into behavioral modifications he will respond to. If he doesn't have specialists, talk to his pediatrician.

Good luck, and thanks for being brave enough to ask a question like this. We could all be more sympathetic and understanding of the issues other people's kids might be facing. Autism doesn't have physical symptoms, so it's easy for thoughtless people to assume he's a regular, badly-trained kid. And that's not at all fair to you. Parents of autistic individuals are some of the hardest working people I've ever met--

Answer 3

Me, I have a loud mouth. I say something along the lines of, "I'm sorry can I help you find the laxative section, you looked a bit blocked up?" My 6yo son was just diagnosed with Asperger's, so until last week I didn't know why he was behaving the way he was. I just knew "I'm a good Mommy, and these jerks can kiss my tuckus!" The other problem I run into is that he's also gifted, so if they hear him talking (he sounds like a little professor) they assume he's just spoiled. I still haven't figured out how to explain to my son that "his brain works a little different" (that's as far as I've gotten) so right now I don't want to blurt out to complete strangers "He has autism jacka$$!" My fear is that if I do that you go from the "what's their problem" look to the "oh you poor person" pity look. I just want people to mind their own business. Sorry, this was about your dilemma. I guess if you're not as ...eh hem...darkly sarcastic as me, go with what the nice lady before me said and say "I'm sorry you don't understand autism, would you like to ask me any questions so you could quit staring at my son like that please?" Best of luck and lots of love and good thoughts to you!

Answer 4

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I have autism in my family and I am a speech therapist who works with familes with autistic children. You are not alone. It can be really tough, but just keep in mind that people are ignorant and just try to ignore them. You should check out some support groups for moms with autistic children. You might have a local group, but there are plenty of online ones. Sometimes the only thing that helps is talking to others going through the same things you are.

Answer 5

Oh sweety. They don't realize, autism isn't as easy to understand due to the lack of physical ailments that usually accompany disability, it doesn't dawn on these people that perhaps there's a valid medical reason for his behavior. They have no experience with it.

My best friend's daughter has ausbergers. She told me that when we first met, and still knowing that it was very hard for me to understand why her daughter said and did the things she said and done. After all, she doesn't look disabled, how can there be anything wrong other than lack of parenting? It takes time, to see what is happening, and to be able to understand the whys behind it. I've done some reading on it since we first met, and now my heart just bleeds for this poor girl and the problems she's going to face as she grows up. But the time I've spent with her, has allowed me a chance to get to know her and to become quite fond of her.

These people you see that stare and make eyes, haven't had this chance, and are ignorant of your son's issues. The next time you encounter this, take a leaf from my friend's book, and look them dead in the eye, and ask, "Can I help you?" Confronted for their rubbernecking they typically turn red and carry about their business!

Answer 6

My heart goes out to you and your son. I see people staring at incidents like that and it hurts me. No one is perfect and if they can't get over that then its their problem, not yours. I can't help you cope with it because i am not in your situation, but i can tell you that people will always stare. Not just at the both of you but to anyone they find that are not as good as them.What you should do is just stare back because to you, they are the ones causeing the scene.
I envy you for having the patience and love for your son..there are some people that get so fed up with their disabled children that they hit them and i do see it in public places and i cry. Thank you for having a heart and being a real life hero!!!!!

Answer 7

Your situation is upsetting to hear. I guess all you can do is ignore them. Unless they actually say something to you then I would put them in their place. Telling them he is autistic and he can't help it. My daughter isn't autistic, but I'm sick and tired when I'm out and she cracks it or cries the way we both get treated. She's only 21 months old for goodness sake. Good luck

Answer 8

Wow, my heart really goes out to you. People are ignorant. Parents need to teach their children not to judge, and not to stare at those who are different from them. I'm willing to bet the love and pride you have for your son that every other parent has for your children. I'm also willing to bet that his many wonderful qualities strongly outweigh his difficulties. But that can't erase the hurt.
My friend's son has autism, and he has a shirt and hat that say something to the effect of, "I'm not naughty, I have autism. What's YOUR excuse?" I thought that was a really good idea.
I hope people are willing to educate themselves on autism and other differences, so they can treat you and your son with the respect you deserve. Good luck.

Answer 9

Liz H has the best answer of all; just follow what she said and in no time you will be in control of the situation...people always have been and always will be morons when it comes to this sort of thing. People are cruel and thoughtless...fact of life.

Answer 10

People are just rude and ignorant and sadly we can't change that. Next time someone does that tell them "got a problem? he's autistic and can't help it."