My first Christmas? How to do this?

Question

I haven't celebrated Christmas since I was a child, really. I had a lot of bad experiences, and that, combined with religous reasons and dislike of commercialism led me just to not do it for years. This year, my boyfriend, who knows about all this, has taken it upon himself to make sure I have a great experience, and some positive memories. We are going to his mother's house, and she is making up a true feast for the occasion, with family, traditions, etc. I am pretty sure it would be appropriate to bring her a gift, but what? I am a little nervous on how to conduct myself, as I haven't done this in years! I also told him that he didn't have to get me anything, but I was told that he was going to, anyway. If that is the case, I want to get him a gift as well. Should that be something we do at home before the festivities, or at his mom's? I am confused on the ettiquette of this.

If it makes any difference on what traditions they will have, their family is Italian and German, and the family is roughly Judeo-Christian, but not overly religious.

Just FYI -I am planning on talking to him about this too, but I would like to come to that conversation armed with a little information. :-)

Answer 1

What a kind man to help you have a happy christmas. You're a very lucky lady; I hope you know that!

As for conducting yourself, watch others and base your behavior off the general behavior. Offer to help in the kitchen, and when it comes time to clean up. The other gals in the family will appreciate your camaraderie and willingness to chip in. Also, ask if you and Boyfriend should bring anything (a veggie, rolls, pie). That will show that you are truly interested in the festivities.

I really like the idea of a simple hostess gift - a poinsettia plant, a large amaryllis bulb kit, a nice bottle of wine (if appropriate). This is likely to endear you to them as well.

As for gifts, my significant other and I open our gifts to each other at home, then share and open gifts with the other party goers. Besides, if you open your gift at home and it's something wonderful like jewelry, you can wear it to the party and say "Oh, look what Boyfriend gave me, isn't it beautiful?" This will endear you to Boyfriend too.

Lastly, even though christmas has been a difficult holiday for you in the past, try to truly experience the warmth and love that will surround you at this family gathering. Again, you're a very lucky lady!

Answer 2

I used to hate Xmas too because it was such a stressful and commercial experience. I avoided it for a long time, but my significant other just LOVES holidays, so I've had to find a new way of dealing with it. Here it is: remember that the real theme of almost any holiday is being together with your family and friends and enjoying it. That's all there is to it! The rest is just an excuse to get together.

There's no point in getting too wrapped up about what the perfect gift to give or receive is, because it's probably impossible to get right -- and it's nearly impossible to get wrong. Giving or receiving a gift is not participating in some sort of deal, some exchange of assets or prestige -- rather, it is a symbol that this day and these people you are with are special. That's all!

I really like the idea of flowers or plants, because that's something everybody can enjoy immediately, emphasizes the specialness of the occasion, and (depending on the plant) could be around for days, weeks, or even years.

Regarding exactly when the gifts should be given, there is no rule. With your boyfriend you can come up with any rule you want for yourselves. At his Mom's house, your boyfriend will know the right time. With flowers, on entering is obviously the way to go.

But even if you screw this up, it can be okay. The point is being together and enjoying those people.

Good luck!

Answer 3

The gifts could be a gift for the house- like a nice Yankee Jan Candle (they are kind of pricey put have holiday scents like Pine and Mistletoe), or individual ones, like candy for his mom and a bottle of wine or cider for his dad. I'd be tempted to do the gift exchange with him privately, then go to the holiday festivities. I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time, but can appreciate your feeling kind of out of the loop. It's hard enough worrying about a different family's way of doing things (any things), plus the whole gift thing, plus holiday stuff, on top of that.

Answer 4

Just be yourself! He is there for you.

Finding a gift for his mother should not be too difficult. Just ask your boyfriend to help you try to find something for her.

As far as your boyfriend's gift is concerned, get him something from your heart. If you are going to his mother's house Christmas day give him the gift before you go. If leaving before Christmas day put it under the tree at his mother's house.

Relax and enjoy the season. Make the best of the time together and forget about the commercialism.

I hope that you and his family have a wonderful and joyous holiday season!

Answer 5

As for your boyfriend's mother: I'm sure that, like most women, she would probably enjoy something like a bath and body set, maybe a nice book, a CD, something decorative that matches her home, etc. Think about what you would give for a birthday or another non-Christmas occasion and give that. Your boyfriend might also help you think of some things that his mother would enjoy.

As for when to give a gift to your boyfriend: I think that's up to you.

Don't be nervous; it sounds like they are going out of their way to make sure you have a good time. I hope you enjoy it.

Answer 6

Your boyfriend sounds wonderful.
I've always had problems thinking of what to take as a hostess gift.One thing I've learned, is that the packaging makes a good impression.
If she drinks wine, get a nice bottle and wrap it in tissue paper and tie with a nice bow.
Linen napkins packaged tied together with a bow.
Note cards (homemade is fabulous) wrapped in a plastic bag with a nice ribbon.
You can never go wrong with flowers.
I teared up when a co-worker of my husband brought me a bouquet of flowers. Daisies and carnations. I loved it.
I understand what you mean about the commercialism
Just a few ideas. Enjoy the holidays.. I really haven't celebrated Christmas in years myself.
(**)

Answer 7

Maybe something for the house? and perhaps if you like, you can ask her if there is anything you can make in addition to her feast. Don't be nervous on how to act- be yourslef and enjoy the evening. I am sure you will have a great time and what a great bf you have! Merry Xmas!

Answer 8

What I most appreciate is getting food and getting ***ked. The stuff, I can take or leave.

As long as they are both given at an acceptable time and place, your boyfriend will love both most likely. As far as the stuff, a nice gift is something that he wants but would not buy himself. Even better would be something he wants but didn't tell you about ever. Conspire with his friends/co-workers on this for his benefit, it is likely they will help you.

The mom. (Dunn, dunn, dunn...) You are painting her in a traditional light from what you have said. I am making up that she is in her fifties/sixties and is somewhat conservative. In that case, the wine mentioned above is a good idea. I disagree with above, your gift should be from you with little input from him. (Tentatively choose a gift, if he has no reservations, go and get it. That way the gift stinks of you, but you are hedged against a bad gift.) Women are usually very sensitive to smells. A christmas scented candle that matches her decorating scheme would be good. A nice christmas ornament is a nice small gift, not the dozen for a dollar type, but maybe an interesting ornament. Make or buy some egg-nog to bring. Everyone loves egg-nog. (Two things about egg-nog. If making your own, use a pasteurized/irradiated egg. Also, some people will be tortured by the limitations of failing health. In which case egg-nog is still loved, but a bad idea.) Old ladies love the theatre. Check local shows, tickets are usually sold months in advance. If you want to go whimsical, maybe think about getting her a santa style hat (alternatively, think about wearing one yourself-- totally hot and fun). Pins, gaudy and awful looking pins are in with old ladies, AKA brooches. It's winter, a nice pair of gloves and a matching scarf. A small set of nice mugs and some hot chocolate. Bring a dish of things you like to eat that is appropriate for the occaision (like a green bean casserole opposed to rice crispy squares). A small tray/tin of christmas themed cookies. A CD to play in the background of holiday music (with a CD player if she needs one depending on your budget).

What should you do when you are there? Enjoy your time with your boyfriend and his family. The most important part of Christmas is observing the Christian reason for Christmas, the birth of Jesus. While in observance of that we often make inconvenient arrangements to gather as a family. You aren't family yet, but you are special enough to him that you will be included in a event for his family. If you think about it another way, he wants you to be with his family. No guarantees, but if the relationship wasn't going in any direction you could stay home.

So, while you are with the romans, do as the romans do. Be yourself doing what they do. What my girlfriend and I do for each other is let the other dictate how the day is going to progress. When it is HER family, she decides when we leave home to get there. After we get there, she decides when we depart. In between, I make myself available to her. When she has no need of me I interact with her family. That was a bumpy road in the beginning, it got better for us-- not so bumpy anymore. It takes as long as it takes, be patient. #1 you are a guest, so be a guest. It is nice to offer to help, but don't be a buttinski to his mom in her home. If you offer and she says yes, help. If you offer and she says no, carry on with whatever you were doing. One of the things that I do that is helpful is I man the camera.

Call me a pig, call me an ***, call me whatever you like. But nothing says Merry Christmas like an early morning ******** that comes out of nowhere. He won't even remember the stuff.

Answer 9

Sounds solid to me. Now in my adulthood and earlier my marriage chop up, i could rejoice on the twenty fifth it truly is nicely-known in England. even if, my grandmother changed into Austrian and it truly is/changed into Austrian custom to grant Christmas presents on Christmas Eve. If reminiscence serves that changed into the day "Kristkindle" could come and that changed into the large day even as i changed into growing to be up. In a small yet unintended revert to previous kin custom, transportation subject matters will forestall me from seeing my daughter on Christmas Day, even if, she is coming over on the twenty third and could be recieving her supplies from my area of the kin on Christmas Eve.

Answer 10

ABOVE ALL!!! Bring good manners, please! even if you buy her a Rolls-Royce, if you have bad manners you will be a target for evil mother-in-lawness and a thorn in her side.
The best gift i have given my husband's mother *according to her* were pictured of him, from when we went places, like silly pictures of him with our daughter, and just showing him having a good time, as long as they are appropriate, of course.