my bridesmaid bailed on the morning of the wedding, should i forgive her or never talk to her again?

Question

She got really upset with me the night befor because we were way behind schedule and she said she could have been at home studying. I felt bad, but she never mentioned anything the night befor, she just got her boyfriend to call my husband and he had to tell me she wasnt going to come. She didnt, and only gave me hours notice! Should i try and work through this? or is this just a sign of things to come?

Answer 1

Oh hell no. She bailed on you the MORNING OF THE WEDDING? That's definitely grounds for termination of the friendship. My husband's best man bailed on him 3 months before the wedding over a stupid car, and there is no way that hubby is going to forgive him for bailing out on the most important day of his life.
Your friend needed to speak up about studying the night before if it was something that she needed to do. She knows she screwed you big time and didn't have the balls to tell you herself. I know that brides get a bit anal about their weddings, but you asked her to be a part of a very important day in your life and she sh*t on you and your wedding. She obviously didn't care about you or your feelings, or she never would have ditched you. I would be absolutely LIVID and there is no way on God's green earth that I would work through something like that. If she was willing to dump your wedding, what else might she skip out on at the last minute?

Answer 2

Yikes!!

She didn't know she was in school when she accepted the bridesmaid role? She never mentioned she had studying to do and was it OK to cut out early on the last minute planning?
She never mentioned ahead of time that she'd need to balance her schooling with her bridesmaid obligations?

And, did you know about all this but couldn't get yourself organized to let her do what she needed?

It sounds like the two of you have quite different personalities. She's more of a list maker and a planner, and you're more comfortable with spontaneity and last-minute confusion. I expect your differences have caused conflict between you before.

But, bailing on the day of the wedding? That's pretty rough.

I guess the answer to your question is how much the friendship means to you. One blow-up, end-of-her-rope manoeuvre doesn't have to mean the end of a friendship.

Try to get past the outrage (and you certainly deserve to be outraged) and ask yourself what the friendship really has been like. If it's worth saving, contact her. If your friendship is true, she probably feels like a louse and can't even imagine the horror of contacting you.

Answer 3

If it was my wedding, and my bridesmaid, I'd never forgive that. You just dont mess with a persons wedding. Completely unjustified whether she wanted to study or not.

Things happen, you get delayed, rehearsals go long etc.

Any wedding I've been a part of, I purposely block off like a week or so prior to the wedding specifically for wedding plans or issues.

So the night before went late, so what? The amount of money, time and energy spent towards her being a bridesmaid is far too much to allow for her selfishness. (Dress, flowers, gift, etc. etc. etc)

I think its a sign of things to come, she's obviously completely self absorbed, and doesn't care about you as much as she said she did. If so, she wouldn't have put so much stress on you on what is supposed to be the happiest day of your life.

Forget about her, move on with your new hubby and look forward to all the great things to come.

I hope your wedding went off wonderful, and let her be upset she wasn't a part of the fantastic celebration!

Good luck in your marriage & Congrats!

Answer 4

WOW, that totally sucks. I think that she is really an irrational person, I mean come on, she got upset b/c she could have been studying. She should have prioritized her time accordingly. She knew there would be things to do the night before you wedding. Not coming was really rude. Trying to work things out is up to you though. Does she do things like this routinely?? If she does, you may just want to let your friendship with her fizzle. She sounds pretty selfish anyway. Or she may have just been jealous that you are getting married and she wasn't. You could sit her down and talk to her and tell her why you are upset, or you could just think "thank god she didn't pull this crap at the actual wedding. " Good luck I can't believe she didn't even call you herself though.

Answer 5

Have a big long honest look at the situation. Were you perhaps acting a little bridezillaish? Is it possible that you were making her feel unappreciated or unwanted. If she has exams or something coming up and she is stressing about them? maybe if you made her feel unappreciated and were mean, and she needs to be studying, she may of thought, stuff you.
So before writing her off, think long and hard about the situation and the circumstances surrounding it all.
It was a pretty low thing to do tho, to pull out at the last minute.

Answer 6

It's a sign, if she approaches you be truthful, tell her that a wedding is VERY stessful and you felt bad and did intend to apologize, but as your friend she could have at least given you more notice, or shown up. What she did was selfish and extremely rude, and if she is ever lucky enough to be a bride I hope no one does it to her! If you want to mend the relationship go into it with open eyes, she obviously isn't the type of friend to be there when you need her.

Answer 7

AS you know and understand wedding are not only stressful they not only stress the Bride.... but the ones closest to her as well.
Being married should bring lots of joy and a bigger family with lots of friends to share your joys.
I would at least talk to her and see if you have anything left to continue being friends. She might be going through her own personal issues about you getting married and she is not, and maybe not even happy with her BF... who knows.
One thing you do know is the reasons you asked her to stand with you on your special day.
She needs to understand that sometimes things we can't control happen like the schedule the night before your wedding. THINGS HAPPEN...... you meant her no harm.

** My own personal story with a HUGE history with it is..
My B/F at the time and I were going to stand up FOR HIS childhood best friend and my close girlfriend. ONE day before their wedding the guys had a disagreement over a sandwich and my B/F backed out of their wedding... which left me in a bad place with my friend as well.
THINGS never could be worked out..... I broke up with HIM and our friends are still very happy together.... goes to show don't ya think.

Congrats and Best wishes

Answer 8

I would tell her how you feel. Yes it was an extremely lame, childish and selfish thing to do, but you are obviously the bigger person. Let the dust settle for a while. Make the first move, it will make her realize her errs. How long have your been friends for? Is it done and over with, do you want to end this relationship, or can you get past it?

Answer 9

I would contact her only for the sake of telling her that you don't appreciate what she did to you.

Then I would tell her that you don't feel you can be friends with her anymore because you are really hurt. Maybe she had every right to be upset according to her, but you just don't do that to someone on their wedding day. Period.

I just don't think her wanting to study is a good enough reason to not show to your wedding.

Answer 10

It was thoughtless of her, but really, did anyone die? I know it was a shame for your wedding day, but I really do think that this is forgivable, if she was under pressure to study then she could have been really stressed out. I think this is something you could work through, the most important people were there, you and the groom.