I having issue with my baby mother.She is taking me to child support agency and told me not to give her nothin

Question

So since 10/31 I have not given her nothing while the process of child support goes through the Agency. Now we have to take a paternity test, because my name was not on the birth certificate and we were never married. I mean I am 50/50 that the boy is mine, I took care of him before, because I felt the moral part. I did have sex with his mother unprotective, so if could be mines. Now the process has not even gotten to the paternity test part and now christmas is coming, Now my parents advised me to give her nothing until the results of the paternity test comes. Now I am not going to lie, the relationship between the mother and me is very bad, especially since I got engaged. But something in me is having this gulity feeling that I should be given her something, but also I would be pissed if I am taking care of a kid that is not mine. So what should I do? The boy is 1 years old

Answer 1

That's awesome you that you took care of a child that may or may not be yours....I do suggest this though. Since the baby is 1...right now he doesn't know what christmas is so he won't know if you are helping out or not.

Now if this woman is down and out...no family to help her, no job, food, etc. Then since you clearly have a big heart it wouldn't hurt to help out....don't give her $$$ though. Buy things strictly for the baby. Like diapers, baby food, clothes, toys, etc.

Answer 2

I think that you are right to feel the way you do. I feel that it is so terrible when anyone has to go through this, especially the kids. That poor little guy probably only knows you as his daddy and it will be sad if you really aren't his dad. At the same time, I know you want to continue to support him but your parents have a good point too. I think that it's bad that she is putting you up and you probably always help her. I think that you should definitely continue to be honest and realistic, it is what it is. If you want to do something that is going to help him, then do it because you want to. Don't do it because you feel that it is the guilt trip or don't do it because of the mother. Whatever your decision, don't just treat the child mean or forget what the child means to you. Don't pull him in the middle, bottom line.

Answer 3

I am a social worker for the child support agency here. My best advice is if the child turns out to be yours and you want ground to stand on in court. And lets all face it the court isnt for the dad. If you want to try for visitation and if things are as bad between you two it might be a problem. Send her a reasonable amount of money with a check or money order. Write on the check or money order the phrase "child support for _____ then in the blank write the childs complete name. She will either cash the check or send it back. When you go to court bring in copies of the checks she cashed both sides to prove that she cashed it. Get these from your bank. Or copies of the returned checks with all packaging. Such as the envelope that shows she sent it and all the stuff inside. If the child is yours you will look great in court that you have been attempting to support your child. Also if she cashes them they will take that amount off the amount of back child support you owe. You have a better chance of getting visitation. If the child is not yours you could file a civil suit in the court if she accepted the money. Because you wrote child support and the childs full name she has to give that money back to you. Good luck.

Answer 4

I wouldn't give the mother any money unless you find out that the child is indeed yours. However, buying a few neccessites (clothing, diapers, whatever) for the child for Christmas would be a decent thing to do. If you find out later that the child is yours, you'll feel better in knowing that you provided for the child. If you find out later that it's not your child, you won't have spent much money and you'll probably still feel better about the situation. Good luck!

Answer 5

I think you shouldn't necessarily give the baby's mother money. You shouldn't punish an innocent baby for what's going on between the two of you. You should get him an outfit or something....plus he's only 1 years old, how much did you really spend on him? You shouldn't abandon the baby like that because you will regret that you weren't there for him when the results are in and he's yours. So do the right thing... it just shows that you care for him at least.

Answer 6

well for a year that child your or not was brought up as your own. so the right thing to do is not give her anything thats retarded and dont give her money for him....buy him a gift or two and if he needs something buy it dont hand money over....because all that kid nos is that you are supposed to be his daddy thats a sacred thing a daddy. and it takes more then having sex with a woman and having a kid to make you a daddy so for that kids sake dont take these hurtful feelings out and ruin whatever you have with this kid. he needs you too you no?. so if he turns out not to be yours thats your choice from there but he deserves for you for right now to at least make his holidays good you have been there for a year no problem for him so a little while longer till the tests come in shouldnt be too much to ask

Answer 7

First off, I would like to applaud you, cause most men would bail on the first mention of pregnancy. I'm glad that you are willing to pay for this kid, and be there for him. I understand that Christmas is coming and you would like to get something for the child. Do it. No matter what anyone else says. If it turns out this child is yours, you will feel sorry for not getting him anything. And if not? what have you lost, other then a few bucks?

Answer 8

Buy some things for the boy if you wish, that would be a nice gesture, But whatever you do DO NOT!! Give her cash and defiantly keep the receipts of what you buy for the boy, that way when you go to court she can not say you never did anything for the boy.

Answer 9

The child is to young to understand what xmas is and even remember if you got him a gift or not. I would'nt buy any gifts until you know for sure if this is your child. As for a gift for the mother, if it's a bad relationship, then no, I wouldnt.
Sit tight until you know the outcome of the test. I know it's hard, but hang in there. It will be even harder if the boy is not yours. Hang in there!!!

Answer 10

Wait until you are court ordered to. You may not be the father. Buy a toy or whatever for the child if you want to, but don't give her any cash.....who knows if she will even use it on the child.