At what age do you think it most appropriate to talk to your children about the facts of life?

Question

I have a 10 year old boy and an 8 year old girl. As a child I had to learn the facts of life from my great grandmother b/c she saw the signs of change in me and couldn't convince my mother to talk to me. So thankfully, she talked to me when I was 8 and I got my first period before my 9th birthday (and before my mother ever approached me with the subject). I don't want it do be like that for my children. I want the facts to come from their father and I. Also, how much to you tell a boy, since they will not have to go through as much as a girl does. And also, take into consideration that we are all under the same roof, therefore at some point my son will see and know the changes happening in his sister.

Serious responses, thoughts, and opinions only please! I am struggling with what, when, and how much to tell them.

Thanks! And God Bless!

My kids are very "grown up" for their ages. And also have a 3 year old brother and were present in the room for his birth. They know that babies grow inside mom and that it takes a mom and dad for that to happen, they just don't know HOW it happens, or about women's cycles, or sex, or any of that. But they do understand the differences in each sexes bodies and that they are different so that they can one day become mom's and dad's. In other words, our lines of comunication are open and we already answer all questions, but when do we drop the "girls have periods, and this is why" and "this is what sex is and you shouldn't do it till your married" etc, etc.

Answer 1

We don't know how much you have already told them, or what they already know, so this is just a guideleine.
1] be sure they know all the proper names for their 'parts' and each others 'parts', both inside and outside. Draw basic pictures if you have to.
2] outside changes for a girl - breasts, hips, hair, discharge
3] outside changes for a boy - increase in size of genitals, hair, erections.
4] menstruation - why and how. When very little, I told my kids that God builds a nest for a new baby every month, and if a baby doesn't come, it dissolves - causing the flow or period.
5] wet dreams - boys need to know this before it happens, and also know their penis will develop a 'mind of it's own' for a couple years during puberty.
6] the LATEST you should explain reproduction mechanics is when you daughter starts her period - because she will be able to become PREGNANT.
7] also explain drawbacks of having unprotected or random sex - physical, emotional, psychological. Tell then how much it costs to raise a baby.
If you don't feel you know all the answers, go to a big bookstore and read about it before you talk to them.
ANSWER EVERYTHING THEY ASK - at THEIR level. They will keep coming back for accurate info.

Answer 2

The good news is you don't have to answer all the questions at the beginning. Information your kids want will change as they get older. You'll revisit this subject several times as they grow.

Cartoon picture books are a great place to start, and there are several good ones you can order from Barnes & Noble, or Amazon. Check out "Where Did I Come From?" Get them to ask questions, then answer the question they ask (not the one you think you heard). Kids are very literal about body parts and functions.
Get them to elaborate why they want to know. Ask "Why do you ask that question?" and see what you learn before jumping in.

Please don't underestimate how much your son will go through. Yes, your daughter will have to cope with menstruation and a bra. Boys suffer a lot of physical upheaval related to sexuality and growing up. Don't believe me? Check out the "Men's Health" section in Answers to see how much angst these young fellas have about penis size and about masturbating.

Shoot straight with your kids and when asked for specifics about body parts use the proper terms. Don't use cutesy kid words.

Are you and your husband comfortable with your own sexuality? If not, your kids will pick up on that instantly and they'll learn to be uncomfortable and ashamed. Talk with your husband and have a plan about how you two will present this stuff, allowing for different kinds of questions at 12, 14, 16, ...

Be prepared for your daughter's self-esteem to collapse between 12 and 13. Be prepared for both your children's brains to stop functioning between 13 and 17, especially regarding consequences for things like sex. Get in the good training now so they have good habits.

Answer 3

Your son is already aware of the changes taking place in his body, and probably has been since babyhood. How did you explain his bodys ability to grow? When he said to you how come it gets hard, or leaks, what did you tell him? If he hasn't asked by now he may sense your reluctance or confusion. You just talk about it, privately, in his room, and tell him just as he has changes related to growing up and becoming a man, so will his sister be changing in order to become a woman, just give him a few facts at first and tell him if he needs to know more or has questions about sex, to ask you or his dad first and not believe everything he hears in the gym or playground. Tell him you will always be honest with him and you want him to be honest with you.
Your daughter may have noticed some changes in her older female friends or relatives, you could start with just a few comments, like "I see Mary is starting to grow up, shes going to be wearing a bra soon, one day you will too, are you looking forward to that?" Let her tell you what kind of detail shes ready for.
You kids should already know about their private areas where no one should be touching them. Please, if you haven't already done that do it tonight.
Sex ed is an ongoing thing, a little here, a little there.
Make it a part of life, speaking about pregnancy when you see someone obviously pregnant or with a new baby.
Encourage their questions by taking them seriously and no matter how strange their ideas might be don't laugh till latert.
All you need to do with your daughter is tell her about menstruation with a book designed for preteens. The library can help you or Amazon.com will let you see reviews before you buy.
A book is a good starting point for either of them, they can get an overview that way and then ask you specifics, you already have the lines open, you now can just answer as the occaisions come up, like when her friend gets her period, the morality of sex can come up at eleven or twelve. You are doing just fine.

Answer 4

12 is extremely late to tell a child about the facts of life. This is not the 50's any more. Knowledge is power people get with the program and inform your kids. The rudimentary details such as where babies come from and how they get there (with age appropriate descriptions of course) should be discussed by age 6 at the latest. Telling kids about sex and the like doesn't turn them into sex crazed animals. The proper information makes your child less vulnerable to misinformation and predators.

Answer 5

I think between 8 and 10 is when you should start the conversation about what sex is and why you should wait. When I was younger I would have said to wait till they are older but sex permeates our society so much more than it did 20 to 30 years ago. Also schools often teach them more about the act of sex with out any moral aspects when they are still quite young.

If you cable, they likely know about sex than you think. The commercials on some otherwise fine shows can be disgusting!

Good luck.

Answer 6

I don't feel there is one specific time. I think you have to look for the opportunities and take them. Not a day passes that I don't find some lesson to convey to my daughters and they're just 2 and 4.
I think you just tell them as much as they need to know and as much as you feel they can handle. If they lose interest before you're finished speaking, then you're done - you don't have to go any further. Like, my sister with my nephew - he may ask sexual questions and she'll begin explaining and when he's heard enough, he'll let her know that's all he wanted to know - he's 12.
So, I think you do just know and I think you can begin as early as you want, it's just a matter of knowing how much to tell them at what age.

Answer 7

...You never really thought/worried about this time coming, and now it has..You know your children the best, start out with something simple, and continue to go by your son/daughter reactions. For your daughter I'd let her know how young girls/ women experience their period, and why girls go through it, and boys don't. Also informing them about puberty, and the development of breasts for your daughter. Teaching them the proper care of daily hygiene, and brushing teeth, and using deodorant is important...good luck, and make sure you let them know to ask questions about anything, no matter how silly they think it is..I've already discussed the basics with my 3 year old daughter..which is a lot easier..(:

Answer 8

When they start asking questions?

My stepkids seem to know all about it. They are 9 years old (boy) and 13 years old (girl). I don't know at what age they found out.

I remember my mom handing me a booklet when I was in the 5th or 6th grade.

It seems like it might be a good idea to separate the kids. Mom you should tell your daughter.
Dad should tell your son.

Answer 9

Part of this will depend on how mature your kids are, or are'nt. You might want to go to the library and see if they have a book to help you explain these things. If the kids are too young minded, they may not understand enough.

Answer 10

when they start asking questions or before they start puberty. but you should go on instinct. being that you have a girl AND had your 1st period before 9, it might be time to start talking to them about it soon since your girl might be the same as you in development. go with your gutt. I think you already know the answer though.

good luck