My fiance and I are both 22 years old. We're getting married in May. Both of our families are a good distance away. (His family is about 350 miles away and mine is about 100 miles). We really want to spend the holidays together this year. Actually we always spend the holidsays together...at my parents' home. We want to spend them alone together this year.
His family is fine with it. They understand that the distance is huge, and agree that they will see us whenever we have the time/money to come up there. His mother comes and visits 2-3 times year (for about a week at a time).
My parents, however, throw a fit if we aren't there at least once a month. When we try to come up for a day, we're always roped into staying the night (or guilt tripped if we don't).
We were going to do Thanksgiving alone, but my mom threw a fit about this being "her last year" (cause we're getting married this year). Is it too much to ask to be able to be alone together for the holidays?
2007-11-21 05:37:11 · 10 answers · asked by Been here before 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I do miss my family, but we talk almost every day. It's always stressful to be there, and I would just like to have a relaxing, quiet holiday.
2007-11-21 05:40:06 · update #1
I'm not asking their permission to do anything. I am old enough and live far enough away that their permission is not required. I just don't want to strain the relationship.
2007-11-21 05:50:04 · update #2
Welcome to the rest of your life.
It only gets worse once you have kids.
Decide what is worth a fight for, and what is not. It is time for your mom to let go, but please do it with kindness and respect and understanding.
We decided that Thanksgiving was a time for families, so we trade-off each year for thanksgiving. (Even though in truth we would prefer to celebrate it "at home").
But Christmas Day we hold for our own little family. We welcome anyone to join us, but we stay home so the kids can enjoy their new toys.
2007-11-21 05:53:10 · answer #1 · answered by apbanpos 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whoa there!
OK if you have to ask your parents for permission to spend some time alone together over the holidays you're not ready to get married - no matter what your age may be.
Just announce that you and Steve will be going off to some little lodge/inn for the holidays - and while you're taking your cell phone for emergencies, it will be turned off most of the time.
OK so Mom will cry and such. She'll get over it. Or she won't and you'll be nagged for the rest of your life.
But you whining and such won't help. all you can do is be the adults in the discussion.
And if they threaten to not pay for the wedding calmly remind them that you are not going to have your wedding held hostage by two such small individuals.
Then pay for your wedding by yourselves - even if it means a much more modest affair than you had hoped for. It's OK. It's by far better to be the adults than to sell yourself out for a dress and a cake.
2007-11-21 13:46:11 · answer #2 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
nope. My husband and I (he's 23...I'm 21) have spent pretty much all of our holidays by ourselves. We've been married since we were 21 and 19. It does need to be pointed out that we are on completely different coasts from our families.
Tell her that you are an adult now and you need to learn how to cook a meal on your own and you want to spend some alone time. Maybe you could share Christmas or New Years with her??
If you think you are going to have a hassel with her now when you aren't married, wait till you tie the knot... they get klingy..
2007-11-21 13:42:56 · answer #3 · answered by Van is due 5/8/08! 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to let your mother know that you love her very much and you enjoy spending time with her, but you want to spend this holiday alone with your fiance. Let her know that if she tries to pressure you or guilt trip you that it only makes you want to come less. Tell her you're an adult now and she needs to be respectful of your boundaries. If you continuously stand your ground, she will learn. I think it's also important to give her some of your time when you can though.
2007-11-21 13:44:22 · answer #4 · answered by Naturally Good 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be honest with your mother and tell her that as much as you'd love to be there, that this is the choice that you have made and there will be other holidays as a family that you all will share.
2007-11-21 13:42:28 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs. Jack Sparrow ♥ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe you guys should visit your family. i mean after you are married u can spend as many alone as you want to. i know it's bad because you want to spend it alone but maybe you should wait til next year
2007-11-21 13:41:00 · answer #6 · answered by complicated 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think it is perfectly resonable for you to want to be alone for he holidays. He is your family now, everyone else is extended family.
2007-11-21 13:42:32 · answer #7 · answered by baby G 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i'd say ur old enough to make ur own choice so go for it do what u think is best 4 u & ur hubby!!! good luck!!! ( parents always win lol)
2007-11-21 13:42:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
time to start a new life with your parner. forget about your parents, they are still trying to hold onto you. time to let them know its time to let go and you are starting your new life.
2007-11-21 13:40:41 · answer #9 · answered by Hello2u 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your mom is just being a mom. let it go, she'll get over it.
2007-11-21 13:44:32 · answer #10 · answered by :o) 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋