I have a little girl aged 3 born when I was turning 23.
It was my own fault for getting pregnant but I decided to accept the consequences and I do not believe in killing unborn children.
I was very ill during the pregnancy with hyperemesis (excessive vomiting for 8 months) and went down in weight to 77lb/35kg (thats right) and had a very bad delivery with serious tear.
Throughout my pregnancy I was unable to work due to illness. but did have to do some work to make ends meet (care worker for disabled) and I really suffered.
My baby's father is basically not sure what he wants out of life. we have been in and out of a relationship but he has not been willing to commit and has cheated and been physically abusive but I tried to make it work so that my girl could grow up with a mom and dad.
I was also a Christian when I got pregnant and I got a lot of judgemental comments from church people as well as family because of being unmarried and pregnant.
My career has also
2007-11-21 05:30:44 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
My career has also really suffered because of having a young child and having been ill so long. I am not able to make the choices a single person can make.
My daughter is a darling child. I know many people cant have children who would want to and I know she is a blessing.
But on an emotional level sometimes I cant help resenting her. I feel if only I had not made a stupid mistake and got pregnant my life would be much different and much better. I know you can not see into the future but I feel like I would not have had to try and make a bad relationship work 'for the sake of the kid', and I would have had so much less drama.
Is there any way I can get past these negative feelings? I do love her and I treat her great and she is a happy child but I do sometimes resent her.
Thank you for reading this long post and helping me.
2007-11-21 05:34:23 · update #1
I understand where your coming from, and its normal what your feeling. But you have to remember that everything that happened to you, is NOT your daughters fault, so don't take it out on her.
Talk to someone about how your feeling, a counselor ect... no ones going to think your crazy or a bad mother, cause there are other woman out there that have resented their children for varies reasons.
2007-11-21 05:35:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 2⤋
First of all get over the "two parent" thing, I assume he probably isn't much of a father anyway. Trust me, anyone can be a father but you cant make em be a good father. I spent a long time in a marriage for the children (3), boy was I wrong. They got to see and hear arguing, mental and physical abuse, tempers fly. Stop seeing the glass half empty, its not what you dont have its what you do have. I think the sooner you get out of the relationship your in, after all your doing it for your daughter (thats part of the resentment), the sooner you can focus on making both of you happy. Hec who knows, a lot of fathers are better dads once they only see their kids a couple days a week. Remember tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.
2007-11-21 12:40:18 · answer #2 · answered by bobnjanner 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your child did nothing wrong. Don't stay with the father. It wouldn't be good for either you or the baby. You would be better off raising a baby by yourself. If you stay with him you are teaching your baby that is how men are, and that is the way life is, when honestly you could do so much better. You are the babies mother, you need to be there for her, and teach her everything good about life. The government can help you if you really need it. I got pregnant when I was 17. I understand how hard it cna be. But taking it out on your baby won't solve anything. So things went bad for you, that was the past and you can change everything. I have came form having nothing to making somehting of myself. With or without a baby life is hard, but your not the only person going at it alone. Many mothers are where you are right now. Making ends meet will be hard at times. Once you find a job, maybe a daycare that way you can have your baby at work with you and still bring some money home. Out of every pay check keep 10 dollars and out it where you won't spend it... in a saving account or something. That way even though you have some money you can also have money for an emergancy. That is how I started and now I have enought for a down payment for a house... if and when I am ready for that. Shop for deals, don't buy name brand, well... I could go on forever.... if you need somebody to talk to you cna always email me, I can try to help. sarah_johnson45013@yahoo.com
2007-11-21 05:43:20 · answer #3 · answered by crazy_cat_lady 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well it sounds to me that you are blaming her for these things and while you know it's not her fault it becomes easier to do this because she is little. I think you need to really go back and find your center. If you were christian before, then maybe find a new church to help you find your own spirituality. Just because the people at your old church were bigots doesn't mean that all Christians will be.
Also, you need to start to define your own life. You have made this choice to raise this person and it's not fair to blame her or resent her - which you know. So get to the root of your problems. Some counseling may help - you likely got PPD after and without treatment this can settle in to depression - counseling will help you through that part.
As for the other - about the father - kick him to the curb and start to do things that make you feel good about yourself. You and your child are under NO OBLIGATION to stay with someone like that and it is probably a LARGE part as to why you feel like you do. It's not easy leaving, but I feel you will be better off.
The world is largely what we make of it. You have made some really big steps in the last couple of years. Now you need to find some stability.
2007-11-21 05:36:58 · answer #4 · answered by Willalee 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You must accept that your life has shifted. It's not all about your life anymore, it's about hers. She doesn't know how to take care of herself like you do. You need to try and get over the resentful feelings and accept that none of the things that happen are her fault.
For your job, maybe you should try leaving her at your mom's house, or at a friend's house or at a day care. A lot of mothers hate leaving their children at places that are unfamiliar to the children, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. If you are physically weak, you should get some kind of secretary job (or something like that), there are plenty out there and some of them have a really good pay. Or you can take a job as a manager or assistant manager of a business. You could try getting into the sales business, or something of the sort.
It's not too late to go back to school too. If you don't have a degree, i suggest telling someone you trust to care for your child while you're at school. Oh, and dump the baby's father. Just because you're letting this d*ck go doesn't mean that you'll never meet someone who will be a BETTER father than this dude will ever be.
God bless, i hope this helped.
2007-11-21 05:49:55 · answer #5 · answered by ♥ Cute T ♥ 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I am so sorry your church was not more supportive! I was single and pregnant at 19! My church was behind me all the way! People preach against abortion, and these people were there to support my correct desicion of not killing my baby! Sometimes I wonder where my life would be if I hadn't had the baby. He is now 7! Dump the loser dad, and start being the best you that you can be now! It is hard, but you can do it and are not alone! See if you can't get a professional to talk to and help you through this! When you realize you are OK and can have a great life with just you and your baby, things will start to change! You have to get your mind straight first, and then get your life straight! I think most people wonder what could of been over something! You are not alone!
2007-11-21 05:40:54 · answer #6 · answered by Emily E 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Maybe you should think about adoption. Your daughter wasn't asked to be born and she is a miracle. I think that u need to go to some counseling. A lot of people have children younger then u did. I was 16 when I had my daughter and I had to put a lot of things on hold because of it. I love my daughter and have never resented her. I know that u love your child I just think that u need to change your way of thinking and undergo some parenting classes and counseling. As far as your baby's father u dont need to make it work just because he is the father. You are being abused and your daughter is seeing this and it is damaging her for life. Get rid of this guy and get a lawyer and get the support that u deserve. Don't let family and other people put u down because u decided to give life at a young age. If people cant support you then u need to shut them out of your life and only be around positive people. If I was around negative people I would have resentful feelings also but I dont put myself in that environment. Keep your head up and try to get your life together for your daughter she needs you to be a positive influence in her life. Good luck and I pray for u.
2007-11-21 05:54:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I had my first child at 20 and my second at 22. Even though I was/am married, I still dealt with those feelings (resentment and the guilt for that feeling) towards my children from time to time...especially in the younger years...mine are 8 and 9 now. Trust me it does get easier and you do end up regaining some of your independence back which for me really made a huge difference. Is there anyone that can help you to get breaks every now and then? I can truly tell you now my life wouldn't be complete without my sweeties and those feelings are long gone!
2007-11-21 05:38:53 · answer #8 · answered by sydjuliaddd 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Our life is the Sum of our Choices.
You resent your child because its easier than being angry at yourself. It sounds like life has been tough for you and you have had to go it alone for most of it.
I don't believe you resent your child. Do you believe your life would be better without her? Could you give her up to someone else to raise and be okay with that? If you answered YES to either question, then you should talk to a counslor or considered giving her up for adoption.
I believe you are a good mom going thru a bad time. And it sounds like the dad needs to be booted. You need a new start for you and your daughter so that you can have the opportunity to meet someone that can better meet your needs as a mother and a woman.
And let others have their judgement. Most of it comes from ignorance. They have never been in your shoes, so it is easy to judge and criticize. Just listen to yourself. You will know what to do for YOU, your baby and her dad.
And I know from personal experience... my life got harder after I had my daughter at 21. I was in college. I was having a great time. I had a "wonderful future ahead of me" Coming from a Catholic family... pregnant and unwed. The HORROR (lol) Anyway... I married her dad and that only lasted 5 yrs. Life had been hard, but never would I want to change it if it meant she would never be. She is 17 now...a straight A student... is off to college next fall... the apple of my eye.
Would my life be different now if I chose not to have her or to give her away... absolutely. But one thing I'm sure... I would have never fogotten about her or been able to enjoy all the joy (and pains) she brings me now!
How can you change this? Its just a choice to do so.
I wish you luck. and send you peer hugs!
2007-11-21 05:45:07 · answer #9 · answered by lexing1010 2 · 7⤊ 1⤋
You don't resent your daughter. You resent the fact that because of the choices you made, your life isn't what you thought it was going to be. Don't put blame on your beautiful baby. You may want to think about asking the doctor about depression. I had it and even though it was hard for me to admit it, I got help.
If the father of your child is abusive and not a positive role model for you daughter don't try to make it work. It is better to have a happy and stable mom than to have parents that are together in an unhealthy relationship.
As for being Christian and being judged....people will judge you no matter what faith you are. Find a church that suits your needs and know that in the end, your God is the only one who can truly judge you.
Look inside yourself. Find out your priorities and focus on them. Good luck.
2007-11-21 05:42:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
I think its normal for you to be going through these feelings. I also think you have to remember that no one has a perfect life. No one gets to do whatever they want to do. So make a list of what you think you missed out on and then make a list of what you have. Im pretty sure the list containing your daughter will outweigh anything that's on the "what if" list.
We all wish we could change something in our past. However most of us learn to accept what has happened and enjoy what has been given to us.
Whenever you look at your daughter, please dont focus on what you missed out on. Think about how lucky you are to have a precious little girl. Good luck!
2007-11-23 02:03:55 · answer #11 · answered by cimmbatt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋