What should I do about my grandparents?

Question

Im 24 yrs old and my bro 17yrs old. My parents got divorced 13 yrs ago and they had an aggrement that my mom would take off spouse support and keep child support. After my dad made bad desicions and now owes years of not paying child support to my bro and I now hes hurting financially with his new wife. My grandparents have gone to my moms house to ask her to take away child support. She didnt and now my dad is taking her to court to make accomodations. My grandparets want my mom to excuse my dad from a responsability that he still has and owes just because hes trying to get his lfe in order. I havent spoken to my granparents since, what should I do?

Answer 1

Every father should pay child support for minor children. If you love your Grandparents, give them a call. Maybe they will come around. If they don't...their loss.

Answer 2

Your grandparents are your grandparents. And this argument is really between your mom and dad. You should stay out of it. With that said... A deadbeat dad is always gonna be a deadbeat dad. Shirking his responsibilities (both spousal and familial) is what he does. Your grandparents need to cut the apron strings, and THEY should stay out of an argument that is none of their concern. Facilitating his irresponsibility is not something they should be doing. His 13 year track record says it all, tho. Move on, turn it lose, fagetaboutit. Remember, this is a mom-dad argument. Unless there are other circumstances (spousal or child or drug or alcohol abuse, etc) don't you get in the middle of it. How have your gp's treated you over the years? Remember that. Oh, and btw, a court hearing now can only, AT MOST, affect your 17 year old brother. What's done is done. He still owes any and ALL back payments. Back payments, sheesh... Men are pigs. I'm 60 and male, and for the life of me, can't understand that kind of irresponsibility. Actually, you shouldn't NOT talk to yer gp's; you should be asking them for the back payments their deadbeat son hasn't made, and ask them frequently. Make a PITA of yerself, maybe then they'll change their minds. Camp on yer old man's doorstep, at his job, follow him to the supermarket, leave msgs on his phone, ask him why he won't pay up. Repeatedly. THAT'S what you should have been doing for the past 13 years. So you pick. I'd just move on, but if you want to be persnicketty, don't go half way. Be a balls-to-the-wall, pedal-to-the-metal, chair-breaking, bottle-smashing, howl-at-the-moon, raw-meat-eating SOB!!!!

Answer 3

What you should do is be noncommittal to either parent. You are now 24 and relatively independent and your brother will be in 6 or 7 years. Money is the great divider in relationships and while the money would have been handy while you were growing up, that is the past.

Your father may be trying to get on with his life but he has no been very responsible to date in fulfilling the divorce agreement.

If your mother is being vexatious in pursuing him (which she should have done years ago) then she is also wrong.

Your grandparents have no right to interfere and you should ask that they not bring up the subject in front of you as it makes you uncomfortable and places you in a position where they wish you to take sides. Tell your grandparents that you hope your parents will be able to sort out the problems between them. This allows you to be non-commital and tells you grandparents that it is also not their problem (in the ever so nicest way). Try and remain neutral and not get dragged in on this subject for there is no "winning" position that you can take. Someone will be hurt and the best you can do is be supportive and tell them all that you continue to love them.

Answer 4

Although you're now an adult you should understand it's not your place to jump into it. If your grandparents reach out to contact you be respectful because they are still your grandparents but if not just leave them be. Your mom should win the court case as long as your dad has no receipts of purchasing anything for you guys. I wish you all the best and by the way no matter if he's trying to get his life together or not any man who doesn't support his child financially or otherwise is a jerk.

Answer 5

You should just let them handle it. The courts won't let him OUT of support. They'll garnish his tax returns and things like that. Your mom may get a reduction in monthly support if his INCOME has changed, but they won't give him a break because he's made bad financial decisions since their divorce.

What's happening here, is that your grandparents are trying to protect their child. That's fine, but your mother has the SAME situation with you. She's trying to protect HER children. Your grandparents need to realize that. Your mom has been paying to support you and I'm sure it was a struggle for her, with limited child support. He needs to pay his part. It's only fair.

Don't alienate your family because of that, though. Even though you're grown now...the child support problem really is between your mom and dad. Your grandparents shouldn't be involved. They ARE, but they shouldn't be. You shouldn't make the mistake they're making by trying to get in the middle. None of it is your fault or your responsibility. YOUR responsibility and your ROLE in this... is to be the 'kid' and let the adults involved handle it.

Answer 6

You should really try to talk to them, if they don't want to talk to you leave it alone. Your grandparents should not treat you differently because of something that is going on between your parents. Your grandparents and your dad as adults should not even be trying to have your mom stop the child support payments. Your mom is entitled to that money for the support of yourself when it was needed and for your brother. Stay strong and try the handle the situation like an adult, because obviously your grandparents and your dad are not handling the situation the right way.

Answer 7

No matter what always remember that they're your grand parents and deserve your respect. secondly, I don't know if there is a rightfull place for you inthis particular scenario. The conflict is between your parents, and their parents.
You are a grown woman now and showld be taking care of your self anyway. Your brother, assumung he's still at home will be out on his own soon enough anyway.
Legally,from a justice point of view, he does owe and financial hardship is not a consideration for the fact that he
should pay. However, from a merciful standpoint, (which we all love to recieve) this should be considered if you are not wanting to destroy he man.
Having said all that, this really isn't an issue for your grand- parents to meddle in either. They reared an adult woman who chose the man she wanted to marry. She said "yes", not her parents. This really is something your mother has to decide in her own heart. I personally would stay out of what seems to be a messy situation.

Answer 8

First your grandparents have not business telling your mother what to do. Just because your father has financial issues does not mean his responsibilities to you ended. It is not fair to ask you mother to take the full burden. You are 24 and can support yourself however your brother will still need that support for years to come. Maybe your father should take a second job or get a better one. He needs to take responsibility as simple as that.

Answer 9

First of all no disrespect but it sounds like ur grandparents need to mind there own business n the reason for that i first of all u-n- ur brother did not ask to come into this world that is first n foremost.
And that does not reduce his obligation as a parent to pay child support to u-n- ur brother just because he is remarried and has financial troubles as well n trying to get his life back in order so who cares he is not n will not be the last one to try to get his/her life back in order that still does not reduce his legal obligation to u-n ur brother and he won't win that in court either I mean this man has a lot of coconuts taking ur mom to court to have his child support reduce or eliminated I would love to be a fly on the wall when the judge goes off on him I mean what is he thinking n as for what to say to ur grandparents put it this way ur 24years old n thank is ur mother and brother u-r-n- adult u can say what ever u have on ur mind is that a well open answer for u I know I would but that is just me ur father sounds like a piece of work to do something like that to ur mother a brother he gives all of us fathers who take care of our children despite circumstances a bad name.

Answer 10

OK, this is coming from a grandma; keep your relationship with your grandparents as separate as possible from your parents' problems. You need to have the love and support of as many people as you can in life and it sounds like your grandma is looking out for the best interest of you and your brother.

This mess between your parents should just be between them, no kids, no grandparents. So, make a deal with your grandparents, no badmouthing your Dad and Mom on either side and you will just enjoy each others company.

PS Your grandparents need you and your brother in their lives as much as you need them in yours. Good luck! ; )

Answer 11

You shouldn't let the issue between your parents come between the relationship you have with your grandparents. Let your parents (or now the courts) decide what's going to happen with the whole child support thing...while you might not agree with what your grandparents are requesting, you shouldn't let it harm your relationship with them. If you want, tell them how you feel, tell them how you feel it's your father's responsibility and that you don't agree with what they've asked, but then leave it at that. Try to have a good relationship with them, because they won't be around forever. And if something happens to one of them while you're holding this grudge, you might never be able to forgive yourself for not speaking with them. Good luck.