i am 14 years old I am a responsible caring individual i do very well in school. i play on a travel softball team and still have time to balance a 4.0 GPA. I help out around the house babysit my sister and everything. yet my mom is an OCD freak!! she tells me when to get into the shower when to clean my room when to go to bed. If i defy she goes off on me.not your avrage mom and daughter fight. she SCREAMS AT ME. i try sooo hard to get her to listen to me when i say " just dont worry abot if/ when I get in the shower weather my room is clean or not." she takes it the wrong way she stops cooking me dinner and ignores me. she thinks that i dont NEED her any more. HOW DO I CHANGE THIS!! i need some freedom. i know what is right and what is wrong im responsible. i just dont want her nagging me to do things. HELP!!
2007-11-21 04:45:10 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
OK it's normal to want your freedom at 14. And usually I advise youngsters to do the things you already are doing - making good grades, helping around the house, have outside interests.
One thing you can do is to avoid anything that even remotely sounds like 'mouthy-ness' such as "don't worry when/if I come home. That's pretty mouthy. Try to avoid stuff like that.
Your Mom is having a really difficult time adjusting to the fact that next year you'll be in high school (if you aren't already) and that you're growing up. Instead of accepting this new role of hers (mom of a teenager) she's reacting very badly indeed, hoping that by controlling everything she (thinks) she can, she can still keep you protected and safe and all that stuff. It's a mom thing - believe me.
Also, how did her mom treat her? Did she do the same things - control when/how/why etc. she put on her socks and brushed her teeth? See, we learn from our parents - and Mom may just be becoming Grandma. Watch this when you become a mom - just a bit of unsolicited advice here.
OK So Mom is behaving badly. Speak to your dad if you can - and ask him to maybe give you some advice on how to talk to Mom so she might let go of this idea that she needs to control you night and day. Maybe he can be of some help.
Anyway, hopefully, some day when you two are communicating better than normal, ask Dad to take little sis out for a walk so you and Mom can talk about stuff.
Put your concerns in terms of "I feel like this when XYZ happens..." as in "I feel really frustrated when you tell me when to go to bed, take a shower and clean my room. Mom, I'm 14 years old now and I know how to read a clock and I know when my bedtime is, when my shower time is and how to clean my room and what day we all do housework. You taught me well in that department. Perhaps you can let me take it from here..."
YOu can also point out some of the better things about you. "Mom I have never given you reason to worry about me. I make 4.0 grades. I'm on a really good softball team. I help around the house and even watch my sister when you need me to. You know all of my friends and have met many of their parents. I can't help the fact that I'm growing up - That's just going to happen whether either of us like it or not. What else can I do to show you that you really and truly have nothing to worry about? Sure, I'm going to make mistakes. We all make mistakes. But that's how we learn isn't it? So how can we have a loving close relationship - but still allowing me to be me?"
That will floor her. She won't know what to say - but perhaps she'll start to think about things differently.
And at least you weren't mouthy.
Good luck sweetie
2007-11-21 05:03:23 · answer #1 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a difficult point in your life and the life of your mother. You are definately getting close to becoming an adult although you are not yet an adult. Your mom is seeing getting to this age, and she is scared to loose you. She is worried that you will meet the wrong type of person and self destruct (I have seen this happen with friends and now, with friend's kids). The things that will change her mind are be responsible (it seems you have this one down pat) and the second is to talk with you mom about everything. Let her know you will always need her, but in different ways. Talk to her about your friends, boy-friend, school, and everything. The more she knows how you are thinking, the more she will trust you. God bless.
2007-11-21 05:30:59 · answer #2 · answered by A friend of Bill W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I might NOT permit my fourteen yr historical daughter date a senior. He's on a entirely unique emotional and intellectual stage. Any guy relationship a little one (do not be angry, it isn't an insult) has truly problems. You don't seem to be able for what he's able for and he is not in which you're in existence. You will have to discover any individual your possess age in the event you must date any individual. I actually suppose you are too younger so far any person. You will have to be dressing up and gambling with Barbies at your age. If I had a daughter fifteenwould be absolutely the YOUNGEST I might permit her to begin relationship at. And her bed room door might regularly be open and whilst she wasn't in my residence the dates might take position in a organization of peers or supervised by way of a guardian.
2016-09-05 11:07:02 · answer #3 · answered by brickman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't mention a dad...if he is in the picture, you should talk to him about it. If he isn't around, try talking to another adult that you trust. It seems your mom is really stressed out or depressed and is taking it out on you...or she could just be an extreme perfectionist...and there should be a doctor out there who can help her deal with her issues. And it's important to remember, they are HER issues, you are doing great...don't let her break you down. Be strong!
2007-11-21 04:58:48 · answer #4 · answered by beaners1229 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋