Momzilla anyone?

Question

Ok i want to know how many of you out there are dealing/have dealth with momzilla....
i know that i've been having trouble with my mom lately (as most of you know lol) and she called me yesterday and acted like nothing happened...
Anyways
I told her I was coming home this weekend and I needed the shawl that came with my dress so I can take it and match colors for my other flowergirl. My flowergirl, her mom and i are all going together to look ...nothing too fancy....plain if she wants..even if the colors are just off a little i don't mind. Im to the point where I don't care lol
I got this email from my mother last night regarding this

give me the flowergirls mom's phone number
I know you do not wan to hear this BUT
WE were going to chose the dress not Her mom
So what if the flowergirl didn't like the dress here we go
If you let her chose she will stick out like a sore thumb it will not even coordiante at all.
I found a dress Mon Cheri that is pretty the same color.
I need her measurement though so I need her phone number
If she can't afford it well she said no problem you just need 1/2 down
you have come to far do not let her screw this up you will not be happy.

Fizzy, im glad you have not had to deal with this! It's tough...

If anyone has, how did you deal with her? I mean she has these week long outbursts and it emotionally kills me

my mother is in her fifties
she had a hystercomy when she was 20 (I was adopted)

but i guess i don't know enough about that to know if she's menopausal.

heres' the tricky part

my parents live 2 hours and 2.5 hours away (divorced)
mom and dad are splitting the bill..they tell me to make the choices...dad feels it's my wedding and i can get what i want (within reason of course! nothing too expensive) but mom believes it should be what she wants..as far as wedding goes, she mentinoed to me "When i got married 30 some years ago we had punch and cake in the basement everyone left after cake..big deal"
then she eloped for second marriage so I'm supposing she wants 'her wedding' through me.

mom only purchased my wedding dress, thats the only thing she's bought and has the money for...and she did it because she wanted to...my dad wanted to pay for my wedding as im the only child...
My mom has ALWAYS been like this ..i just thought maybe once she wouldn't be.

lol barbara....
they aren't together anymore simply because they couldn't get along, money, and they way she acts...

I already talked to dad about eloping before we started this whole wedding planning stuff and he said he did not want me to elope...lol *sigh*

This past week i told him i just wanted to get married in cancun and he said if he WOULD have known the mess she's causing...he would have approved...however..the deposits are paid and non refundable...

Answer 1

She's just trying to help, but she has become pushy, controlling, demanding etc.

The truth is, it doesn' matter if the colors don't match perfectly as no one will notice. People are far more interested in free booze and a meal than color schemes. Honestly.

You can tell you mom: Mom, thank you for your help, but is no longer necesary. Amy and I already went to the store and got the dress. Thanks anyway.

Good luck

Answer 2

Well so far I can't relate to this. But if you mom has only paid for the dress than she really can't say anything about what your flower girls can wear. I think its great that flower girls mom gets to pick out the dress.. keeping in mind the color scheme and such. I think you shouldn't provide any information to your mother about the flower girls mother. I don't think you should give her any information about when you are going shopping for that matter.

I"m sorry that your mom is being emotionally damaging to you but that's what happens when parents foot the bill. Kudos to your dad for letting you have things your way and not saying much. Yes your mom maybe living vicariously (sp?) through you because she didn't get the wedding that she wanted. I think you just need to explain to your mom that you really don't appreciate the emotional roller coaster she has been putting you thru and the most important thing is that you and hubby are happy. GOod luck!!

Answer 3

Me and my mom fought like cats and dogs over some stuff! Flower girl dress included! lol! I can DEFIENTLY relate. My parents were paying for mine as well, and my dad was very much like yours, have it your way as long as it doesn't cost to much :) Mom however through that checkbook in my face on practically every decision for a little while, and on the flower girl dress I was actually saving her money, lol! Honestly, we got to the point where we were only communicating by email or through my poor dad, and I lived with them, so the email thing was pretty bad!

Finally we just came down to the point where we emailed each other and called a truce b/c nothing was getting done. We just both had to give up on a few things and start from square one on them. It was awful tho, my eyes stayed swollen for a week I cryed so much over it! Just call a truce and know that now, Ive been married for 8 months and once we survived the wedding, everythings been dandy and in fact weve gotten REALLY close. Good luck! I'll be thinkin bout ya! :)

Answer 4

She sounds seriously Hormonal. She may be headed into Menopause or Peri-Menopause as they call it now.

If she is over 38 or so this could easily be the case. If you were not in the middle of the wedding planning, I would suggest bringing it up. A simple test can be run and meds. to help with the PMS part. But trust me (I have been through early surgical menopause) She will go off the wall if you bring it up. Wait until the wedding is over and some time has passed.

Good Luck.

PS. Especially after a hysterecomy you REALLY need Hormone replacement therapy since your body can make none on its' own. My surgery was at 37 and I have been on HRT to keep depression, paranoia and PMS at bay. I have tried several times to go off and it never works.
So presently I have been on Premarin 30 years.

Answer 5

lol I couldn't help but chuckle at your dilema. My daughter is getting married Dec 28th. We are having a destination wedding in Jamaica. She called me interferring one day, because I was trying to plan the music.

However my daughter is not at all organized like you are. She bought her dress in June. 2 weeks ago, I had to make an appt for her to get the dress altered. Her hubby to be has still not bought a suit, they don't have their wedding bands etc etc etc. She has picked out 2 songs. We know what time the wedding is, the location, and the color of her flowers. We have no idea where the dinner is being held, or what happens after the ceremony. She says it will be a surprise when we get there.

Your mom should be so thankful you're so organized

Answer 6

Oh, for goodness sakes.

Yep. You're right. Mom is living out her dreams through you. That's awful. We know it. Worse, yet, SHE knows how awful it is.

But there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to change your mother. In fact, why is it that your dad is no longer married to her? 3 guesses.

all this tommyrot about perfect this and dream wedding that is all silly anyway.

I would advise you and fiance to can the whole thing and run off to Jamaica and elope - just the 2 of you. I'm sure Dad would approve.

At least that would keep Momzilla off your back.

Answer 7

I think it is time you sat her down and let her know that the only thing making you unhappy is her trying to control you and everything regarding the wedding. Let her know that you know she means well but it has been a bit overpowering. If you want her help you will ask. Then assert yourself and say I am going with the flower girl and her mom to pick out a dress and that is final. If you truly want me to be happy you will back off a bit and let me make my own decisions. Also let her know that you don't want to leave her out either. She may be stung for a bit but if you don't set her straight it will only get worse.

Answer 8

I think it's kinda simple. The person paying the bills gets to ultimately decide, along with the bride. If you're taking care of everything yourself then you can tell her to back off. If you're taking money from them then you need to find a way to deal with her. Did she have her own wedding? Maybe she's kinda living through you. My parents "hijacked" my brother's wedding so when it came time to mine I knew what to expect. I told them I would be happy for them to help me but it would have to be my way. I let them pay for the photographer (my photographer, although I did agree to meet with their choice), limos and videographer (who they insisted on having so I let them handle it). Everything else my husband and I paid for so we got final say.

In the end it's your wedding, just tell her what you want.

Answer 9

you're no longer being unfair to her. She is a Momzilla for particular! the marriage isn't for the brides family contributors, its to offer the bride and groom an surprising 'sendoff earlier she leaves the residing house for sturdy! sounds like your mom is an alcoholic too, going off on rants like this and getting intoxicated at a marriage. She is worked up approximately you likely getting married, yet like a number of alcoholics she has her very own version of fact that doesn't have plenty to do with easily fact. What i might do is this: next time she brings up getting married in front of you or the two one in each and every of you, say, "mom, in case you retain pressuring us like this we can never get married, you're applying us nuts!". whilst the time comes and you settle directly to wed, i might pay for the marriage myself incredibly than have mom and Momfriend pay for it. That way, she has no justification to attempt to call the photos. you may then be happy to do in spite of you want. in case you ask your mom to offer you away and he or she refuses, so be it. Have a family contributors pal or a chum of yours supply you away rather. If she insists it is extremely helpful dance together with her boyfriend, tell her you do no longer plan to because of the fact it might make you uncomfortable to try this, and you will no longer communicate it any further. she would be able to't rigidity you to do something you do no longer permit her. basically permit her communicate, do no longer say something, then do what you want to do and tell her how its going to be. i might extremely no longer serve alcohol at my wedding ceremony if I envisioned my mom to attend, and that i might determine to tell her that if she (or boyfriend) arrives intoxicated, she will have the means to no longer be allowed in. Your mom rants because of the fact she is alcoholic and he or she needs to regulate the marriage because of the fact she needs to stay via you. You do what you want and tell her the way it is. it is that straightforward. do no longer concern if there is fallout, there will be. She might refuse to return. if so, you may no longer do something approximately it, yet a minimum of you will no longer could take care of the boyfriend.

Answer 10

I'm sorry, but your first problem is that you're allowing someone else to pick up the tab, but expecting to control things. At first blush, I'm sure it seems wonderful to have someone else pay the bill for your wedding, but you are now experiencing firsthand why it's always best to finance your own dreams. If you controlled the purse, she'd be in her rightful place, as an honored guest instead of driving you nuts.