What will happen if I hold my anger in to long?

Question

I am 18 years old. And in these short years I have been living I can never recall a time that I actually expressed my anger. I am a very nice guy, I do get angry but I never show it. I have never been in a fight when there were times I should have fought, there were times I have been called certain things, but I just kept quiet. I have been done wrong and used by so called friends, but never manned up and said anything about it. I dont even get along with my mother who basically raised me by herself, all we do is fight, I might fuss with her and try to get my point across but all she does is make me angrier, but I never express my true anger towards her. I dont know what to do, and I dont know what will happen if I keep holding things in. Help.

Answer 1

You need to get it out or it will consume you. Holding it inside is not a way to cope with it. You and I are of the same cloth, we feel that no one wants to listen to our side of the issue, so we lash out. Like you, I argued with my mom too. Mom babied me way too much.

Next time you and mom argue, tell her how much you love her but you need her to listen to your side of the issues.

As for the "friends", that's a hard call. People are very good at saying they're your friends when all they're looking for is a helping hand without them giving anything in return. Don't give up on finding true friends. There are people in the world that will give you anything they have and not expect anything except your friendship in return. You will find such a friend when you least expect it.

From what you've stated here, even for your young age, you have a keen intellect and a high level of self awareness. You'll go far in what ever career you choose I'm sure.

The next time you get angry, turn the anger into constructive energy, mow the lawn, clean the garage/basement (or whatever), trim the hedges, walk around the block, wash the car. Take care.

Answer 2

What happens if you fill up a dish with water and never do anything with it? Eventually it will just evaporate. Even in very humid climates, although admittedly it will take longer. What some calle Pop Psychology, we used to call PsychoBabble. It consists of the popular concepts of the moment that people WANT to believe. Everyone dissipates anger in different ways and, as long as it works, nobody can say that THEIR way is more superior than yours. Now, if you find that you have lasting memory of your anger when you thought it had disappeared, then maybe that's symptomatic of a deeper issue. But only you can answer that. When others are determined to convince you that you have deep-seated issues that even you are unaware of, then it makes me more wonder what THEIR motives are. Ever hear of Anger Management classes? Those do the same thing as you've described for yourself, only people pay for the classes rather than learn it on their own or through people who have already learned the techniques. There's really nothing magical about them and they consist more of 'common sense' techniques than anything else. It sounds like you possess a good deal of patience and I applaud that attribute. People first spend too much time convincing others how to be impatient, as though patience were a weakness, and then insist that they learn how to achieve patience, as it would then become a strength.

Answer 3

I think you are doing really well.
Anger is not the problem. Anger might well be justified. The problem is with buried anger.
That does great damage.

As long as you know you are angry, it is best to keep anger to yourself (until you can get to help) because if you vent to the people who make you angry, it just makes matters worse. It might look ok immediately, because people make conciliatory remarks, and do little routines to get through the crisis you have brought before them. but eventually it will sour the relationships. It is hard for people to live down such a thing.

If you are having trouble understanding what to do with your anger, you might find some short-term therapy, just to
express your feelings to another human being, someone who is impartial and there for the asking (unlike a friend who might not like being used that way ~ we always need to be careful of our friends ) and to find ~ hopefully ! ~ that you are perfectly justified in being angry. That can be very healing. I have been through that and it is a relief to have someone professional to consult. I was feeling great guilt.

The fact of the matter is that there are some things that would make anyone angry. We need to know that we are not exceptional in feeling anger. It is only to be expected.

In not fighting, in keeping quiet, you "save face". It is an Oriental concept. People may make fun of that, but there is a lot to be said for it. Better people should say about you, "He is one patient guy!" rather than, "Do you remember the time when he went off like a cork from a champagne bottle?"

The things I have learned about this subject
and the related topics:
** some people just aren't nice
** anyone would be angry with (that)
** cool off, you are *** right *** !!!!
** you are OK !!!
** carry on, it is not your fault

Hope this helps

Answer 4

I've been suppressing anger for sixty-odd years, and, for the most part, confirmed the proverb that "a soft answer turns away wrath." Your mother knows you well enough to know when you are angry, I'm sure.

The people I know that believe in letting it all hang out are too often prickly companions, and you never know when something unintended will set them off. Maybe anger clears the air, but I've never been a fan of blue air.

If you need a release, try keeping a journal. On the other hand, if you write an angry letter, wait at least a day before mailing it. You will probably know after 24 hours that it should be torn up.

Answer 5

What happens is that you get a build up of lactic acid crystals in your body in the places like round your neck and back where you would have released adrenaline surges when you got angry - also you are quite likely to explode and maybe take it out on the wrong person - Its easier to give our anger to the person who is easiest to give it to and not the one who deserves it.

I would suggest martial arts training as they usually do some sort of anger management as well as releasing it. When you feel inside that you wont be messed with there isn't usually a need to punch home the point 'NO' is enough.

Look at your surgery health centre to see if there is a well men's group in your area - they often do assertiveness training and anger management - how to let your anger out in a safe way. Anger is a good force for change but over the top it can be damaging for self and /or others.

Answer 6

There are different ways of expressing anger. If you express it aggressively, it usually causes more problems. You can learn to express it assertively as there are many groups or classes available that teach people how to deal with these feelings.

When you express anger assertively you say things like, "When people call me names I feel angry and wonder if they are just trying to test me to see how I will react.

You probably would not use these skills with people you don`t care about and who don`t care about you. Ignoring them might be the best choice. In these cases you may have to find an indirect way of dealing with your anger or as other people have said you may explode and hurt yourself or others which will just lead to further problems.

Answer 7

Well since I used to be an extremely nice person that people used to walk all over all the time, I know what you are talking about and I know what will happen because it did to me. One day you are going to explode. You will become a very 'mean' person, some people you still won't be mean to, but you will see a change in mood. You won't take crap no more. And every little thing will begin to piss you off. So don't hold it in.

Answer 8

I was once a door mat also.If you never listen to anything else.LISTEN to this.LET IT GO
You will wake up a very bitter person if you dont.
Talk to someone.Dont hold it in because you are truly hurting yourself.I got into poetry,because that way I could speak my mind.But its also good to a group counseling session because you can blow off some steam,and be around folks that understand.Because you are a nice guy and not a door mat

Answer 9

There are some really good books on anger and how to deal with it. You can purchase them or borrow them from the library. Those books could give you some insight into anger, how to deal with it, how to express it, what is appropriate, how to deal with other people's anger. That would be a good place to get some answers. Good luck.

Answer 10

Dont hold your anger in learn how to get your feelings out on paper by writing about it, keeping a journal and reflecting on it to learn how you used to react to certain situations. Go for a run do some exercise, talk with friends but get out and let those feelings out before you explode!!!!