This is about a 7 year old boy?

Question

My son is 7 years old, he is bright and thoughtful and sensitive. He had a pretty tough first 3 years. His bilogical father was abusive to me and then at the end twords him. His biological father always favored his younger brother because he was more of a man's boy. My 7 year old has been adopted ( as has his brother) by my husband and does not even know his biological dad, but he mainly grew up with me as his only role model as my husband is in the army and has been deployed 2 times in the 3 years we have been married. My seven year old loves dolls, the color pink and for Christmas, he is asking Santa for a tea set. I see no problem with this what so ever. I have twin daughters and a two year old and he is very "mothering" twords them and so very sensitive. He hates sports, despises getting dirty and gets hurt and cries at the drop of a hat. Again this all does not worry me. To me every child is different and I love that he is so sensitive. additional details below...

But people in his life are starting to make comments to me. I for one don't think it is any of their buisiness and I am afraid that he will overhear and start to think poorly of himself, even if he was gay, I would love him no matter what. He is my baby. But should this concern me, should I be seeking couseling for these tendancies. I just want reassurance that by me doing nothing and letting him grow to be who he is, and nothing more or less that I am doing the right thing. thanks for you help and if you are going to make rude comments, don't waste your time, it doesn't bother me, I will just report and ignore you.

oh and excuse any spelling errors, I just noticed some, I have one of the twins on my lap and it makes it somewhat difficult, I also was dumb and had my nails done for Thanksgiving and now I can't do anything.

TO GONNAWIN: ( and the others who addressed the crying issue)
I did baby him, because I think I was trying to make up for what his father did to him. But he cries everywhere, and he does get teased but only a little as our children attend a Christian school that does not tolerate any little sign of meaness. We have discussed with him that crying is okay but sometime you have to be tough, like when getting a shot or if you have skinned your knee to not overreact. We try to show him other ways of expressing his anger, saddness, hurt or anything else. Again this may be from watching me. I am quite a wimp and was pregnant both times my husband was deployed, so not only did I cry over the normal pregnancy things, I cried every time I saw anything havign to do with Iraq, soldiers or death. He was there to witness it, so as I am thinking of it, that may be from my influence as well. darn, of course he had to have a mother that had waterworks larger than the Mississippi.

TO GONNAWIN: ( and the others who addressed the crying issue)
I did baby him, because I think I was trying to make up for what his father did to him. But he cries everywhere, and he does get teased but only a little as our children attend a Christian school that does not tolerate any little sign of meaness. We have discussed with him that crying is okay but sometime you have to be tough, like when getting a shot or if you have skinned your knee to not overreact. We try to show him other ways of expressing his anger, saddness, hurt or anything else. Again this may be from watching me. I am quite a wimp and was pregnant both times my husband was deployed, so not only did I cry over the normal pregnancy things, I cried every time I saw anything havign to do with Iraq, soldiers or death. He was there to witness it, so as I am thinking of it, that may be from my influence as well. darn, of course he had to have a mother that had waterworks larger than the Mississippi.

I have no clue why that came up twice, sorry

Answer 1

I really think that you shouldn't be worried about it.

If you aren't concerned about him being a little different that it is fantastic, it sounds like you are doing a really good job. I have a 4 year old that everytime I bring him to the store and let him pick out a toy he wants to pick out the mermaid or the barbie so he can play with her hair and what not. I'm not worried about it.

Answer 2

He is only 7 years old so it might be best to continue doing what you're doing and consider speaking with him when he's older and when it seems appropriate.

If I were in your position, I would do what you are doing. It is bothersome that some people just cannot let things be. I'm sure that they do mean well. Most people are not cruel on purpose. They may just not know. They may be trying to be helpful. Some parents these days seem clueless or don't seem to care enough about their kids. (I'm in this situation as a stepparent. I always wonder, is it me but then I talk to other people and hear that it's not quite often. Sometimes it is.)

The bottom line is that you can only do what you think is best. You seem quite sensitive and aware. You should trust yourself and your judgment. The world can use more sensitive and kind people.

Answer 3

My first thought is that he will grow up to be a good father. Why do I think this? He is showing care and compassion for his siblings and dolls. This tells me he will be caring and compassionate to his children as well. I would only be concerned about why he is crying. Of course he probably has built up anger, resentment or whatever from his first few years of life and it is compounded with the birth of siblings and his father being deployed. If you feel his crying is more than just 'being sensitive' then I suggest talking to his pediatrician. You are his mother and you are a good judge of when something is wrong emotionally. I do not think his preference in toys is an issue at this time. You can listen to what he says when he plays with his dolls for a good indicator of what he thinks about, many therapists use this it is called play therapy. If you hear concerning things during play, then be concerned.

Answer 4

There are a couple of things that need to happen her. Firstly, these other parents need to leave their children alone to fight their own fights. The parents may be fueding but I'm sure that the kids are already over it, because that's how kids operate. They don't hold grudges. Those parents could learn a thing or two from their own kids. Secondly, see if you can get those people who taught your daughter these choice phrases to go to the school and apologise for the problem that they have caused. thirdly, your daughter has to face the mnusic and learn a valuable lesson here: don't say a word if you don't know what it means. Now I know she is only seven years old, but if she can learn this lesson now it will stand her in good stead as life goes on. Let her learn from this experience so she can move forward. Lastly, even though you are fuming, in two months from now everything will have well and truly blown over and things will be back to normal. The kids will get over it quickly. what the other parents do is their responsibility. You cannot make them forgive you. If it gets too bad perhaps you might want to consider moving schools. But just make sure you both learn the lesson to be learned before you move on. and do your best to mend relationships before you move on. I wish you well.

Answer 5

Ignore those rude people. I have been a teacher ( of teens) for many years and have taught both feminine boys and boys/girls who were gay. Most are well adjusted young people with great attitudes and friends of all persuasions. When I interact with them, I think only of a young person I want to help succeed. You son seems to be happy and he knows he is loved.
The only flag I see here is how easily he cries. Often that is a signal that a child is not willing to find solutions or solve problems easily, and that behavior can isolate him from other children. You might want to extend a little help in that direction.

Answer 6

Personally, I believe that a parent is entitled to pull aside an adult who makes derogatory/insensitive statements in the hearing of their child and address the issue. Not in a negative way, of course, but just so that s/he is aware of the effect words play in a young child's life. For one, the adult will re-think making such statements in the future. Two, they will never make it in the hearing of you or your child again.

You mentioned being a Christian so I'm curious if you're worried about people's reactions to your son because of the religion factor. Some Christians take an extremely cruel view (and dislike) towards homosexuals.

Although it seems you've come to good terms with the possibility your son might be gay, you wouldn't want to treat him any differently (or try to overprotect him) until he reaches an age where he himself comes to grips with his sexuality. That will help him realize he is no different than any other heterosexual person.

In regards to the crying, it could be that he's taking it from you but I don't see any harm in it!

Answer 7

It's great that you're letting him be himself; I wouldn't worry about it at all. The only thing I'd add is that with my kids, by that age I do get concerned about the possibility they might be picked on for being perceived as a "crybaby," so while I emphasize that it's certainly okay to be upset, I stress that it's important to use a firm strong voice to explain how they feel and what they're upset about rather than crying or whining over every small problem. I tell them that way people will take their problems more seriously and be able to help them better.

Best of luck with your son, who's lucky btw to have a mom who values him and isn't trying to change who he is.

Answer 8

i read this twice to make sure i got it all down correctly
your little guy is influenced by what is around him, and i see nothing wrong in whats happening,
my little boy was the same, and people commented, having 2 sisters and no brothers was bound to have an effect
and what do i have now? a 13 year old son, who has the balance just right, he can be a "boy" at times and the girls say "god your such a wee brother" meaning he does typical boy things, but the other side is, he is sensitive and caring, let him be, he will find his own way

Answer 9

First... Don't be hard on yourself, you are doing fine.
Mothers typically are hard on themselves for a multitude of reasons so it isn't difficult to see how you are getting upset at this when people are bringing it up to you.
You are right, every child is different and him being sensitive, etc may mean that you have lucked into him being unaffected by his father's abusive behaviors.
People mean well I suppose, but criticizing your child can only hurt. Keep your chin up and ask these "well wishers" what exactly they hope to accomplish with their comments.
Enjoy him, love him and keep him safe. That is all you can do.
Best of luck.

Answer 10

I think that you are doing exactly what a loving, and accepting Mother would do. You are encouraging your child to be comfortable with who he is, and to grow up into the man he's supossed to be. I don't know if your son's rocky past has anything to do with his behavior, and even if he has some "girly" tendancies it doesn't necissarily mean he's gay. It might just be that he relates more towards your daughters and wants to play with things they play with. But regardless I think that it's amazing what you are doing, and I wish you and your son the very best! And a Happy Thanksgiving!