I'm 27, recently divorced and just started dating again. My best friend of 19 years who has been dating the same guy for 12 years told me that I can't date a guy that she has had a "secret crush" on for the past couple of months. Is it fair for her to tell me that I can't date him? I think it would make sense if she was single...he would be off-limits if she liked him, but he liked me. Is this something that I have to deal with while dating as an adult? I think it sounds very childish, but I don't want to hurt her feelings either. What should I do??
2007-11-21 02:19:55 · 14 answers · asked by justafriend2u 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Um, that's sick tell her to get a life.
2007-11-21 02:22:44 · answer #1 · answered by L H 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your friend needs to grow up and if it hurts her, it won't be your fault. And besides, she is MARRIED and she should be faithful to her husband and not act like being single. You're right that it was very childish of her to tell you that. She chose to get married and that means that she already had let go of her past dates or ex-boyfriend. That guy is not even her ex-boyfriend but is only someone she likes. Tell her frankly what you plan and never mind her reaction although you might hurt her. It's better to tell her sooner rather than making her shocked and disappointed at you although it's none of her business anymore. But because she's your bestfriend, let her know what you plan and let her grow up! She's being selfish and is trying to control you despite her own life. She has her life now and so do you. Live your life without her childish controls. Don't please her of her mistakes.
2007-11-21 10:33:53 · answer #2 · answered by aye 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is childish. She is in the wrong. She's married, she can't take claims on anyone but her husband. It would be completely different if she were single, but she is so not. Go for it girl, she's just jealous. Don't let a woman get in the way of a potentially wonderful thing, because women will try.
2007-11-21 10:24:51 · answer #3 · answered by Space Chicken 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I thought you said she's married? Is she dating or married (your question conflicts with the other information)? It's important to know... but either way she sounds like she's exclusive with her man.
It is obviously unfair because she is seeing someone (for the last 12 years no less) and trying to lay claim to unclaimed territory. It is very childish and immature of her... but you are both grown women and have been best friends for a long time!
So talk to her and based on her response go from there. If she doesn't back off, you have to consider if it's worth it to ruin your friendship over this one guy... there are plenty of guys out there... but then again best friends shouldn't treat their best friends that way. You know her better than any of us... hopefully things work out.
2007-11-21 10:23:16 · answer #4 · answered by Carpe DM™ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she's with someone and has a commitment to that person, married or not, she has no right to tell you to stay away from someone she has a crush on. She's WITH someone. She's off-limits. But that doesn't mean the guy should be off-limits to you. She needs to grow up or go back to grade school.
2007-11-21 10:28:33 · answer #5 · answered by Erin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is being selfish. She is in a relationship, so anyone she has a 'crush' on doesn't really count. I wouldn't say he is off limits to you just because she has some school girl crush on him. I say go for it and good luck. Hopefully she will see how unreasonable and selfish she is being.
I know you don't want to hurt your friend, but she is hurting you by saying you can't date him. Just explain your feelings to her and tell her you are both adults.
2007-11-21 10:25:56 · answer #6 · answered by Mika 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that she is ridiculous and date the guy she is just being selfish and chasing after lust tell her to step off if she can not respect the fact that you like him and you are actually single and stand a chance then she is not worth your time anyway you have been friends for too long to fight over a guy she will get over it
2007-11-21 10:24:45 · answer #7 · answered by JD 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before you do anything, I'd ask her if she plans to break up with her boyfriend and date this guy. If she says yes, then leave him alone. If not, then she's being childish. Is it worth losing a friend over, though? I guess you have to decide that.
2007-11-21 10:23:28 · answer #8 · answered by feline_farmer1 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She should not be having secret crushes while she's committed to someone, BUT she does and for friendships sake I would not date him. she was honest with you and maybe they have or are fooling around and you wouldn't want to get mixed up in that. If I were you, I would leave him alone and find someone else.
2007-11-21 10:24:21 · answer #9 · answered by Mrs. Jack Sparrow ♥ 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just by looking at your question title, I knew what I was gonna say;
No.
She's married, in a relationship, and she can't hold you back just because she likes him. Try and make her see it from your point of view, but you go for it!
2007-11-21 10:23:45 · answer #10 · answered by BelleCat 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell your friend she needs to "Sh!t or get off the pot".
If the guy likes you and you both are available to see each other, then do so.
2007-11-21 10:25:08 · answer #11 · answered by Tyler Durdin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋