My boyfriend dresses terribly and I am not attracted anymore?

Question

I have been dating a wonderful man for almost 2 years. I love everything about him but something is getting in the way. I am 36 and still cute ,he is 42 and in great shape. I hate the way he dresses most of the time. He is stuck in the 80's, He wears Bill Cosby sweaters and stonewashed jeans.Even owns a leather Bugs Bunny jacket!! It makes me want to run and hide. It is embarassing. He has other clothes from Express and even Target that are contemporary and what people wear today. I don't know what to do. It is a hard thing to bring up because do not want to be mean to him, but he never gets my hint. Even when we go shopping together or I suggest cleaning closets. I want to be with him, but this is seriously effecting how attracted to him I am. I sometimes find myself in "friend mode". Please share.. and no offense, but no kids please. I am being serious about this. I would like to hear from those in adult aged relationships. I don't want to break up, but this is driving me away.

Thanks for the answers, there are many that have caused me to think. It is a good relationship...but not too much to ask for him to be a little current. As for him expressing personal style- he has no concept of that. He is functional. He is a guy: he needs to wear pants and a shirt, so he wears pants and a shirt. That's all there is to it. No other thought. I know I sounded snobbish and materialistic, but it is not like that. I have been given a lot to think about and I appreciate all the honest answers. Thanks, everyone. I will take it all to heart, really. It helps to hear from real people on this. Happy Thanksgiving.

Answer 1

I am 39, my wife is 30. She is young and cute (actress/model) I am older and average. Sounds similar. The hardest thing for me when it came to fashion was listening to her. I, too, was stuck in the 80's (not quite as bad, but still there) when it came to jeans, tshirts, and shoes. She wore me down but did let me know she loved me. She pointed out that most women know what looks good and that fashion changes (where I was not changing). The newer fashions were harder to accept for me (too macho I guess). however, she would point out things she liked and start changing my wardrobe one outfit at a time. Mostly though, she would point out how fashion changes. Just because you love him does not mean you should not rag on his rags. It is not a personal attack, just advice and preferances. He should not take it personally. let him know what you think about how he dresses ... if he does not relent, he has issues. Most men stick with what is comfortable to them, you have to make him comfortable with something new. I have gotten to the point that I can dress myself (LOL!) but I still run things by the wife from haircuts, to clothing combinations.
Get a few GQ and contenmporary magazines and start showing him how fashion is changing. I had a hard time getting into the loose clothing and untucked shirts and such, but now that I am comfortable with change, I have no issues with it.
The big thing is getting him comfortable with change ... it's likely not about his clothing but going with what is comfortable and "safe" for him. Haveing to think about fashion is threatening to many men.
Force him into an outfit you like ... then REALLY let him know you like it ... much like pavlovs dogs, he will come around through conditioning. thats my two cents :)

Answer 2

I don't see myself as a kid so this is what I would do:
Be honest with him you can tell a person how you feel with out hurting his feelings or making them feel like a child. Remember it is not what you say it is how you say it. Just tell him that you think that he could be a little more contemporary by wearing other items in the closet. The clothes that you hate let him know that this is okay for a run to the store or what ever but when you two go out on dates then maybe he should wear the other things in the closet. Tell him you are much more attracted to the contemporary guy verse the........I guess Bill Cosby guy (please rephrase). Just tell him what you said only clean it up a bit. If he does not catch your hints the only thing left to do is tell him. You are 36 and he is 42 you guys are grown and should be able to communicate regarding these issues. I am 25 and I give my honest opinion to my bf all the time and he is a year younger than myself.

Answer 3

This is all about control. It isn't about his clothes, it is that you don't like him expressing himself the way HE wants to, or you are unable to appreciate his individual creative expression. If you are so shallow that the cloth he covers his body with (his somewhat good body from what you describe) then you really need to let him go. If you care for him at all, you need to let him have the freedom to find someone who can love him without conditions. My wife is gorgeous, but she wears ratty old sweats around the house. Grosses me out, but I love her more each passing year, and it's been about 20 now. She rarely ever dresses up, she's a jeans and tee shirt kinda gal most of the time unless she dresses up especially to make me happy. And it really has zero effect on how I feel about her.

Answer 4

well you can either regret leaving him because of the way he dresses... cause that would be rather silly to do .. or you can deal with it and love him for the kind wonderfull person he is.. when you guys are together just the two of you... what do you see... do u see him... the real him behind all the clothes... behind the body that we have all been placed in... or do you see the clothes and his body.... do you look him in the eyes ... is there a connection between you two thats deeper then just the outer exterior.... if not then maybe you need to rethink your relationship... u seem like the girl who isnt yet ready for a real relationship... and im only judging based on your question and the details u put into it... so i dont know u well enough to know... maybe its deeper then "just the way he dresses"... maybe theres something more.. that just isnt there between you two... cause honestly if you are in love with him.. and i mean truly in love with him... you would not be embarassed of him just because of the clothes... you wouldnt care what people think... you wouldnt even notice those people when your around him... all you would see is him... for him... so to me.. ur question speaks volumes on u guys relationship.. and if thats the way you feel he has a right to know.. some people can know someone for years and end up finding that theres nothing there or what was there isnt anymore... its quite possible.. so.. just be honest, the worst you can do is hold it in and not let him know how u feel... u would be only hurting yourself and him in the end... if u care about him you would tell him openly.... how u feel.. its up to u

Answer 5

I can understand how the bugs bunny jacket might be a bit much to handle. I would just be blunt. Tell him you love him and you want to see him in some more fashionable clothes so you can both go out looking like models. Make it funny, have humour in the way you approach it. It's only clothing. Why would he be opposed to new clothes? Tell him you really want to go out and buy him an outfit and he can buy one for you. Let him pick out your outfit so it's fair. That way you're not coming across as insulting his fashion sense. You can always buy him an outfit for Christmas. Then he has to wear it sometime or else it would seem like he doesn't like your taste. Have fun, it's only clothing!

Answer 6

You have to tell him.

And sometimes you just have to be blunt.

I just straight out told a guy I was dating that his jeans were horrible. I didn't make it about him, I just said, 'they're really unflattering, they make you look fat even though you're not.' Then I said 'you would look great in a pair of Hugo Boss dark denim jeans, they would really show off your butt.' That worked on him. He let me take him shopping and I just gave him lots of encouragement, like, 'wow they look hot.'

You shouldnt have to put up with his terrible clothing. How would he like it if you always wore really low jeans with your g strings sticking out and T-shirts that said 'I'm a b**ch' or 'Stripper' on them. He wouldnt like it.

Personally I think he is the one being offensive by wearing hideous clothes and you just have to be blunt, bite the bullet and tell him. Otherwise you will be seeing that Bugs Bunny jacket for years to come ... at every wedding, dinner party, picnic, anniversary ...

He is commiting crimes against fashion. You have to tell him.

Answer 7

well if clothes make the man for you that is rather materialistic, which most women are unfortunately. look at it this way miss style, vintage '70's clothing is chic right now, the '80's styles will soon hit the shelves again in the next couple of years so your boyfriend is actually ahead of the curve. sounds like you are looking for a follower instead of a leader in the fashion world.

Answer 8

I honestly think you should tell him- but obviously in a very nice way. I tell my boyfriend "I think you'd look so hot in ____" then he lets me buy stuff I think he'll look hot in, and I told him the clothes that I hated. I just said they don't flatter you and look bad...so please let me buy stuff you'd look good in. maybe do it in stages...start to tell him what you don't like, then ask if you can buy some stuff you've been thinking would look great on him. I think for the most part guys want to look good but just don't know how...he wants to look good for you, but if he doesn't get it you'll have to spell it out for him!
--plus christmas is coming up- buy him new clothes once you get rid of that Bugs Bunny leather jacket!! (that has to go asap!)

Answer 9

im 26. really you have to talk to him about it. just say in a joking way that we need to go shopping and get you some new clothes! and make it an adventure. Even try buying him some stuff that you think he would like that is trendy.

Answer 10

Be upfront and honest with him. Sit him down and have a talk. Communication is key.