:(:(:( can someone tell me a funny joke:)))))?

Question

go on make my day

Answer 1

Whats yellow and white and travels at over a hundred miles and hour?

A train drivers egg sandwich

Answer 2

1)A 60-year-old couple are celebrating their 40th wedding annivesary.During the celebrations a fairy appears and
says that,since they have been such a loving couple,she'll give them each 1 wish.The wife wishes to travel the world.The fairy waves her wand and poof!She has a handful of tickets.Next,it's the husband's turn.He pauses for a moment,then says,"I'd like to have a woman 30years younger than me."So the fairy picks up her wand and poof!He's 90

2)An Amish boy and his father were in a shopping mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that could move apart and slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this, Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching in amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair rolled her way up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small chamber. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until the last number was reached; then the numbers began to light in reverse order. Finally the walls opened again, and a gorgeous
24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son........"Go get your mother."

Answer 3

This guy walks into a bar and takes a seat at the counter. He looks around and sees there's no jukebox, no pool table, no dance floor, nothing. He motions to the bar tender and asks.

"What do you do for entertainment around here?"

The bartender replies. "Well, I have this little man, who plays this little piano in this cupboard here."

"Pfffft, like I'm going to believe that." Says the man. Sure enough, just as he mutter those words, the bartender pulls out this tiny man and a tiny piano and he begins to jam away. The man is shocked. He then asks the bartender.

"Where did you find that?"

"I have a genie." He replies.

"Could I have a wish!?" The man asks.

"Sure." The bartender then pulls out his magic lamp and summons the genie. excited the man then asks for his wish.

"I wish for a million bucks!" The man cries out. The genie turns to the man and says.

"Go outside in 5 minutes and look up."

Five minutes later the excited man jumps off the stool, and darts outside. Looking in the sky to find a million ducks flying by. The man storms back into the bar and asks the bartender.

"Is your genie deaf!?"

"Yes." The bartender replies. "Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"

Answer 4

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

Answer 5

Jock was out working the field when a barnstormer landed.
"I'll give you an airplane ride for £5," said the pilot.
"Sorry, cannae afford it," replied Jock.
"Tell you what," said the pilot, "I'll give you and your wife a free ride if you promise not to yell. Otherwise it'll be £10."
So up they went and the pilot rolled, looped, stalled and did all he could to scare Jock. Nothing worked and the defeated pilot finally landed the plane. Turning around to the rear seat he said, "Gotta hand it to you. For country folk you sure are brave!"
"Aye," said Jock "But ye nearly had me there when the wife fell oot!"

Answer 6

Hi,

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Answer 7

A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his head out the window to check. As he did so, a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from just in time to notice a young woman looking down.
"Is this yours?" he asked.
She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" and the man agreed.
On his arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. Because she was very attractive, he agreed.
Shortly afterward she said, "I'm about to have dinner--there's plenty. Would you like to join me?"
He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal.
As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, "I've had a marvelous evening. Would you like to stay the night?"
The man hesitated then said, "Do you act like this with every man you meet?"
"No," she replied. "Only those who catch my eye."

Answer 8

BLONDE - BURNETTE - RED HEAD ROB A BANK - POLICE R CHASING THEM THE 3 WOMEN RUN INTO A SMALL BARN - THE RED HEAD HIDES BEHIND A STACK OF HAY - THE BURNETTE HIDES IN A HORSE STALL - AND THE BLONDE FINDS A POTATOE SACK AND HIDES IN IT - THE OFFICER CHASING THEM SEES THERE CAR AND ENTERS THE BARN - THE BRUNETTE SNEEZES AND HE WALKS TOWARDS THE HAY - KNOWING SHE WILL GO TO JAIL SHE MEOWS AND HE THINKS SHE IS A CAT HE WALKS TOWARDS THE STABLE AND THE BRUNETTE COUGHS AND TRYING TO COVER HER COUGH UP SHE BARKS SO HE THINKS SHE IS A DOG HE SEES THE POTATOE SACK MOVE AND HE APPROACHES IT AND THE BLONDE SAYS POTATOE = LOL


A COP SEES A CAR SWORVING ALL OVER THE ROAD HE PULLS THE CAR OVER OVER AND APPROACHS THE BLONDE DRIVER AND SAYS LADY UR DRUNK AND GIVES HER A BREATHALIZER TEST - THE TEST SHOWS THAT THE BLONDE HAS NOT BEEN DRINKING - SO HE GOES TO HER WINDOW AND ASKS WHY WERE U SWORVING ALL OVER THE ROAD IF UR NOT DRUNK AND SHE SAYS WELL OFFICER THERE WAS A TREE ON THE LEFT SO I TURNED RIGHT ATHERE WAS A TEE ON THE RIGHT SO I TURNED LEFT AND SO ON - HE SHAKES HIS HEAD AND SAYS LADY THATS YOUR AIR FRESHNER

A MAN WALKS IN A BAR AND SEES A DOG LICKING HIM SELF HE SAYS WOW I WISH I COULD DO THAT THE BARTENDE REPLIES YOU MIGHT WANT TO PET HIM FIRST

Answer 9

Why can't a blonde count up to 70?; 69's a mouthful.
Why did the mexican school girl get pregnant?; Her teacher told her to go do an essay.

Answer 10

Gordon Brown is a competent Prime Minister.