My fiance and I are having fights for a month now. He's in UK, I'm in Japan. I love him, but I have a work I really adore, and I must quit the job if I'll be with him.
Only thing I'm asking now is to please wait till next August, when I can finish my project now. He says that's too long, and he feels I'm choosing work over him, which is not what I'm doing. I just want him to know my passion for this oppertunity, but because he's a contracter, I think he doesn't understand. He says he can't wait, and will be now or never...I was shocked.
My best friend EX really wants to get back with me, and I honestly know we share the shame value in everything in life. Now I think I might ment to be with this guy rather than my fiance.
But I do have strong feeling for my fiance...I'm in a total reck.
How can I aproach my fiance now? Should I just forget about all of my passion for him? I don't know what to do...
2007-11-21 00:42:43 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well if he can't sit down to listen to your problems, and understand that it means alot to you then there is something wrong. He really doesn't love you if its a now or never situation unless there are other things going on that we don't know about. About your Ex. You need to just leave him out of this. You need to figure out what you want...if youwant to stay at your job until next August, then tell your fiance that and tell him there is no other option. If he says he doesn't want to get married then. FINE. But you shouldn't jump into another relationship right away. That's disrespectful o your fiance. Which if you are having feelings for this other guy is it just because he's around and you and our finace are fighting or are there real feelings? If you ave real feelings for someone else then you really don't love your fiance. He should be your one and only. I would sugest pre marital counseling, and marriage counseling the whole first year of marriage. I know the whole year part sounds crazy...but it really helps. Marriage is a big adjustment and it's not as easy as it looks. The first year is the hardest and if youdon't want to kill each other by the end of the year I would highly suggest it!
2007-11-21 00:59:15 · answer #1 · answered by KimberlyG 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure you have heard the song love is a battle field.
You my dear are right in the middle of it all!
I think that there is seriously a message in that song. Love takes a lot of hard work whether you are in a good or difficult relationship. your fiance is being unfair to you you cannot tell the person you love so much yo want to marry that if they aren't with you now u can ever be together. I am sure that you have worked very hard to get to where you are now in your profession & for you to give it all up from one day to another would be very heart breaking to you as a professional.
I feel that the fact u have more in common to ur ex/best friend says a lot. U may be going the wrong direction by marrying n e one other than your best friend. I cannot give you the correct answer it is all about what ur heart feels. Can u live the rest of you life wondering if u were pressured to love the wrong person. Ur soul mate should b ur best friend u will b togeather for life. who do u want to spend your life with? The now or never or I love u so much that I need you back.
if you love something let it go if it comes back 2 u its ment 2 b. If it dosent it never was. Good Luck!
2007-11-21 01:05:55 · answer #2 · answered by MiniMargarita 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all i think this fiancee isn't for you.
The man who you marry shoud support you and be there when you need him to, he should understand what is important to you be it work, family, a hobby even.
To give you an ultimatum is not acceptable, to issue demands is not acceptable and to force you into a marriage on his terms is very worrying, it's about him controlling you and you shouldn't marry a man like this.
The fact you are having thoughts about your ex speaks volumes, your not happy in this relationship, you know deep down he's not the right one for you, he doesn't understand you, marrying him will be a massive mistake.
The thoughts and feelings you having for an ex are there simply because your in a bad relationship, they are in effect 'fake' because your looking for an escape route from the relationship your in.
You are forgetting why this past relationship didn't work, why it fell to pieces, why he too wasn't right for you.
My advice is to finish with your fiancee, he is clearly wrong for you and then spend some time being SINGLE.
You need to get over both of these guys, to find in yourself decide what you want to do with your life and enjoy the single life for a while.
Forget about them both, take 6 months just having fun and only when they are out of your head completely should you then open yourself up for someone new.
2007-11-21 00:57:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love someone, you should compromise with them & try and allow someone to do what they love. If he is restricting you on your job, what will he be like in other aspects of your life? Will he stop you hanging out with your friends if he doesn't like them. If you are having doubts now, don't get married because you'll probably end up getting divorced, a pain you could do without.
2007-11-21 00:48:15 · answer #4 · answered by FC 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know you love him, but I think that throwing away your work project for him is a very bad idea. He sounds extremely selfish, to be honest, and very demanding. I think you should let him go and continue with your own life.
If he really cared about you and your prospects, he would wait.
2007-11-21 00:49:57 · answer #5 · answered by Orla C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has given you an ultimatum. Now or never. And that is something a partner should NEVER do.
Relationships are about supporting each other in whatever they want to do and in this situation I would say never.
2007-11-21 00:47:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's called compromise but your relationship is doomed if your best friend is your EX how much advice have they given you towards your current relationship.
As you have stated he wants to get back with you i'd suggest you sit down with your boyfriend and try to compromise.
2007-11-21 00:52:13 · answer #7 · answered by Agent Zero® 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He obviously views himself as a priority and not you. Do you want him to be that clingy all the time? It would drive me nuts. If he can't understand why the job is important to you then he never will. Sorry, had to be blunt. Good luck.
2007-11-21 00:46:17 · answer #8 · answered by Charlene 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should sit down with your Fiance, and find out exactly what he thinks you should be doing, and find out what he values etc...
Then sit down with your ex and see what he values and what he thinks you should do.
Then the final desicion is up to you but good luck :)
2007-11-21 00:59:57 · answer #9 · answered by knights_in 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you keep comparing the two you wont ever no where your emotions lie pick one and be with him dont sit here and compare there pros and cons to make it even remotely ok that you as an engaged woman is thinking about another opportunity with another man
2007-11-21 02:52:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋