Should my grandma have to move?

Question

Ok we have a little bit of a family debate. My grandmother has fallen 3 times over the last 4 months. two of the times she passed out, and this last time she triped. Well she was soposed to come to visit me for thanksgiving but now she cant because she has broken her arm. She lives along in a house that is much too big for her to deal with. My mom and brother come over to help her whenever they can. My mom wants her to sell her house and to live in an appartment for sinior citizens. I agree I think that she would also get to solcalize more with people her own age. She wants to stay where she is. My brother thinks that she should. I would hate to see her sell the house, Its been in our family a long time. I practically grew up there too. Shes pretty sharp mentally. but her physical health isnt so good. Im 13 hours away from her and worried about her being alone. She wont live with my mom. her and my moms husband really dont get along. She never goes out and does things that are ...more

fun for her. She has spent her whole life taking care of my mother when she was young...then my great grandmother., untill she passed away. I dont want to see her unhappy but I also think that she would be happier in a place where she could still be independant but where she wouldnt be so lonley. (she just doesnt know it) what do you think???

I would hope that she would realize it before she breaks a hip. I hate to see her hurt,

Answer 1

I totally understand your situation I have recently been in teh same situation as your family with my mother.My mothers home has been in our family for over 50 years.But in reality the decision to move is soley up to your grandma if she is in her right shape of mind. Unless she is in an assisted living facility with round the clock care the same kind of injuries could still happen.

If finanacially she can still afford the house what i would suggest is talking to your grandma(possibly you alone with her and ask her honest feelings on it) and if she choses to stay get her the medical alert necklaces others here have mentioned. Possibly (not sure how her home is set up) if there is no bathroom downstairs have one put in for her so there are no steps she has to go up.

I sympathize with you and your family because i honestly know what your going through.I dont want to scare you but losing a home can be a big blow to an elderly person.My mother just passed on Nov10th, 7 weeks after losing her home and moving into an apartment.I consatntly ask myself what if this and what if i did this.I called her doctor to see if there was something more goin on with her that maybe she had not been telling me ( i knew of teh high blood pressure.cholesterol,diabetes and such) but he said no her blood pressure has been good,he said she has been under alot of stress over losing her home and i feel sometimes if i had done more to help her keep it then maybe she would still be here

I wish i could talk to you because i really feel what you are going through.I know how much you must care for your grandmother and how much you worry about her.Just please explore all options and do what is best for her but remember her feelings on things is just as important as those of you and your family.

Good Luck and God Bless You and your family!

Answer 2

This is a difficult situation - I'm dealing with it myself.

First, Grandma needs a thorough physical and mental checkup. This is to make sure she's competent to make major decisions as well as to rule out any possibilty of age-related dimentia (such as senility, alzheimers, etc.)

Assuming Grandma is mentally and physically fit, the next thing to do is to contact your area's agency on aging for adivce on where to find help. There are, for example, agencies and companies who can provide the kind of in-home care that can help Grandma live a good life in her own home. Things like Meals on Wheels, Operation Letter Carrier etc. who check in on elders daily - just to make sure they're and have a decent meal that they don't have to cook.

Along with the at-home care, start preparing Grandma for the time when she will indeed have to move to a care-based facilty. Look for a place where she can get "graduated care" that is as her needs increase, so can her level of care. For instance, she can get around quite nicely today. But a fall or a stroke could put her in a wheelchair and she may need help bathing, toileting etc. So her care level increases.

Look at several options NOW - because the very best places will most certainly have waiting lists. Should a need arise, you don't want to have to stuff Grandma into some inferior place.

Also, talk with a good lawyer about wills, Medicare, Social Security and other estate issues - NOW - before Grandma becomes incapacitated. Make sure, for example, that Great Grandma's cake plate that was promised to your Aunt June really goes to Aunt June. Many times those trinkets in the attic can (and should) be distributed - and physically relocated to their new homes with full understanding of all - LONG before Grandma needs to move to a smaller place. BUT consult with a lawyer NOW. Not later when you're under duress.

It's hard - I know - but believe me if Grandma is informed and reassured that she will still be an important part of people's lives etc. and not shunted away in some "old-people-warehouse" to die forgotten and alone - she will be MUCH more able to cope with a move.

Good luck kiddo.

Answer 3

I think you have a big mountain ahead of you to climb.

Losing their home is a huge blow to an elderly person - even when they know (and trust me she knows) that it is not safe for her to live alone any longer. You're right to be concerned -- a fall that involves a hip fracture could be her demise.

You say that she is mentally intact - then she may not want to go some place that is full of "old" people. (My grandmother is 93 and refuses to go to the senior center anymore because it is full of 'old people'!!!)

It sounds like she would be safer in an assisted living/ senior oriented apartment - but if she doesn't want to go there is little you can do as long as she is mentally intact. I would however talk to her about your concerns and work on making her home environment as safe as possible: removing obstacles, getting rid of throw rugs, changing lighting to make things easier, and putting commonly used items in easily accessible places.
You might also want to consider having her tour some senior facilities. I used to be a Director of an Assisted Living facility and found that many, if not most of our residents, were extremely happy with their choice to move in somewhere with people their own age and have their needs met. Don't be surprised if she balks at all attempts to get her interested in leaving her home. Perhaps contact the local Area on Aging ombudsman and see what senior services are available in her area that can make her stay at home safer.

I would also insist on a Life Alert or similar communication device to summon help in an emergency. These can and do save the lives of many elderly clients.

Answer 4

She should stay in her home as long as she wants to. She's an adult not a child, no one can make this decision for her. What your family can do is get her a home companion. My great grandmother, blind for the last ten years of her life, refused to leave her home, even in her 90's. My great aunts and uncles, her kids, hired a home companion, and she moved into the house and took care of my great grandmother until she passed away.

If this isn't an answer, then go with her to her doctor and talk with him/her about the seriousness of her condition and perhaps a medical authority will convince her to move on.

Answer 5

Yeah,she really needs some supervision as many times as she has fell.Maybe she could go and live at an assisted living facility.I've worked in a few and it is a good place for someone in your grandmothers situation.I've worked with yhe elderly for a long time and have seen lots and lots of them fall and once they break a hip they really go down hill.So If I were you I would figure something out really fast.GOOD LUCK to you and your family.

Answer 6

Yes, she definitely needs out of her present home. She is not getting any younger--it will only get worse. Could she finiancially afford to move into a senior citizens place--or something of her choice for maybe 6 months and see how she likes it--and then sell the house a little later?? These are hard decisions to make. Unless she could find someone to live with her or check on her often--but it will only get worse with time. Sometimes you have to wait for the BIG fall to wake everyone up to reality though.

Answer 7

This is a very difficult time for you. I saw the same thing play out with my grandmother. In the old days, we took our elders in to live with us (does anyone remember that?) ... your grandmother understandably wants her independence but it's clear that she needs some looking after. The obvious solution is some sort of in-home care. There are services in most areas which will help you locate someone to come stay with grandma.

Good Luck.

Answer 8

She absolutely cannot continue this way; she could hurt herself fatally. The best solution would be an assisted living facility where she could socialize and have contemporaries around her; the only other option would be to have a live-in companion. Forget the house and focus on what is best and safest for your Mom.

Answer 9

She's a high fall risk and needs supervision. If she falls and breaks a hip, then maybe she will realize that it's unsafe for her to live alone.