I love these kids you know the relationship between fathers and their daughters. My wife is expecting twins and we have a daughter who will be turning three on Christmas. She knew of these kids before i married her. I am currently looking after her blood sister so I was expecting that she would understand that these kids deserve their fatherly love. I do not want to chose between her and these kids because I love her.
2007-11-20 23:08:56 · 23 answers · asked by NELE 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm so sorry that you are in this dilemma...especially at Christmas time, and I'm especially sorry that your wife feels this way, especially since you are looking after her sister. Doesn't seem fair, does it?
I'm sort of in the same situation, but I'm on the outside looking in...also a father and daughter issue. I still can't understand why and how women can be so cold. Perhaps, they feel threatened or insecure or perhaps they don't want you to have anything or any memory of your former life.
However, your marriage needs to be Number One. You need to choose her over your children. Please continue to talk over the situation. Perhaps, you can meet your kids in a neutral environment outside your home and exchange some gifts...perhaps the day after Christmas.
I wish you luck!
2007-11-20 23:20:13 · answer #1 · answered by Ladyhawke 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As you can see, a person can become a spouse, or not, by whatever means, children are not expendable in this way. Just because a divorce happens, doesn't mean they are NOT your children anymore. Your current wife may feel threatened by these girls, she doesn't know how they will react to her or the unborn sibling. She's probably uncomfortable that you had children with another woman period. It's a weird sort of possessiveness, you are her husband, you should only be a father to the child you have together, any others out there she feels will take away from the new one. She's also pregnant and on bed rest, not the most comfortable place to be. But she needs to come to terms with your daughters, they are going to be a part of your lives. Before she was a wife, she was a daughter, how would she like it if she was thrown away. I don't envy you.
2016-05-24 21:11:55 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your the man of the HOUSE! And usually what the man of the house says; goes!
Tell her how you feel. Kids should always come first because they are little and innocent and all they want to do is see their daddy. And if she still refuses then tell her politely that you are supporting her sister and that you are supporting her and that the least she can give back is allowing your kids to spend time with you. And make sure you tell her that your kids come first (even the unborn twins) and that it will always be like that and then the mother of the kids come second. But make sure that you tell her that you love her very much. Also if the kids dont come over all that much, make sure you tell her that the kids need you in their lives and you cant miss out on their lives because you are going to have to live with that guilt in the future... Good Luck. I will be praying for you!
2007-11-21 03:15:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife has no right to deny you a holiday with your children. And you shouldn't have to beg. Compromise by setting up a specific time of day to visit. A woman with a 3yr old and pregnant with twins is probably too exhausted to think straight, especially about having more children in the house. You don't say how old these kids are, but two more bodies at Christmas would make me nuts too. You need to step up to the plate and do everything for those kids while they are there so she is not burdened. I hate to tell her this, but your other daughters are her kids step sisters. She needs to knock it off. I am unsure why you don't have regular custody of your children, but if you don't, I don't care how lovely they are, they are going to be angry with you and resent the hell out of her. Counseling.
2007-11-21 00:09:59 · answer #4 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How many months pregnant is your wife and if your daughters are so lovely then whats the problem. If you are not giving full details then I can only assume(which I dont like doing) but from what you're giving me here goes.. Why did she say no? Is there not enough room in the house, has she ever met the girls before? Has she heard something that would make her uncomfortable with them being there? See if you can come to a compromise, they can stay at a hotel and just come for dinner and a visit.. Good Luck!
2007-11-20 23:18:26 · answer #5 · answered by Nate R 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh no, this is not good, not good at all and you need to be very careful. You need to have a sit down with your wife immediately and get it all out. You need to know right away if she is going to accept your children or not. It will NOT get better and will get worse for you and your daughters if you don't get this resolved. If need be get a therapist who has experience with this involved. This is actually more common than you realize and you and yoru daughters will pay the price, however, what you don't realize is your 3 y/o and the twins will lose out on a relationship with their siblings if you don't get this handled immediately. It is your obligation to make sure your daughters are completely treated as family, loved as family and included in your family. They need to have a bedroom in your home and be included in ALL family functions. In our case, our family didn't even celebrate birthdays until visitation day with my step daughter. Our lives revolved around her visitation schedule since she was the one who had to deal with living in two homes. We bent over backwards to make sure she always knew she was a valuable member of our family and home. Her mother hated us and made her life miserable. At 14 my step daughter asked to move in with us. And to this day I have a beautiful relationship with her.
Your daughters deserve love. If your wife is not willing to provide that, and if it were me? I'd be gone. I do not normally advocate this, I am Catholic, but I've seen personally how damaging and horrible this can be. And you know what? It's not worth it for the children. It truly screws them up later and they deserve better. It is our job to make sure they are happy, healthy, safe and loved. If you are in an environment where that is not happening it is your responsiblity to make sure it does or get yourself and your children into a loving healthy environment. And that means ALL the children.
I hope you do not stick with what is happening now. You will hate yourself later and it will ruin the relationship with your wife either way. You will lose your children over this. Make sure she does NOT let your other children know or feel her feelings towards your daughters if at all possible. Talk about your daughters to your 3 y/o and build a relationship between them if you aren't already doing so. They will resent you later if you don't.
Good luck my friend.
2007-11-21 00:22:05 · answer #6 · answered by oh_my_its_linda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard when you have blended families. Has your wife ever met your daughters? If not than I can understand her insecurities. One would hope that she is mature enough to understand that a love for youir kids runs deep and that you have enough love to go around. Further more, You should never have to choose between your kids and your wife. I say let your daughters come for holidays and your wife will get past her insecurities and if she doesn't then she has issues she needs to deal with. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Best of luck and happy holidays.
2007-11-20 23:36:45 · answer #7 · answered by naturegirlhd 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some women are just selfish and I hope that you two can sit down and talk about this issue. If you can't then I suggest you tell her that your kids from a previous relationship are just as important as the one you have now and the ones on the way. It affects the children and marriage. Stand your ground! I am fortunate to have found a man that does love my children and accepts them as they are. Children are caught in the middle way too much in new marriages as well as divorces. Good luck!
2007-11-21 01:51:22 · answer #8 · answered by TCB 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nele ,
Forgive me if I am going to be little tough on this :
I have a daughter from my first marriage , I LLLLLove her , my wife of now can NNNNNNever tell me not to see her , how can she ??and why . You said you love your wife , but does she love you ? cause if she did she should want to see you happy , and you are going to be happy with your kids , so plllllease don't tell me that she love you enough . Be a man , it's your right , it's your happiness here we are talking about .... AND , what did these poor kids done wrong to be treated that way , is it not enough that your broken marriage has caused them an inner break , or don't you know that when kids have broken apart parents they are affected too inside ??
Please see your daughters , they deserve it , and if you don't mind , if you can , show your wife this message
Keep me posted , I am very interested
Good Luck Buddy
Migo
2007-11-20 23:26:44 · answer #9 · answered by keladakelada 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do your children visit often? Do you see them on a regular basis? My uncle is divorced and his kids only come and see him on Christmas for presents. They don't stay long just come and get their stuff that they feel entitled to and leave. If your children aren't visiting on a regular basis your wife could be feeling that they are only after the goods. Not to mention that with your wife pregnant she probably doesn't want the added pressure. Sit down with her and talk with her and tell you your feelings on the subject. But when all is said and done your kids should come first.
2007-11-21 00:28:20 · answer #10 · answered by Samantha O 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋