My boyfriend has always been a bit controlling - nothing too serious just always calling me, checking I am home safely etc.
He has always controlled our sex life - and it has always bothered me ( we only have it when he wants it). Anyway lately we haven't been havin much at all - he says he is tired all the time/ doesn't feel like it. He also has a problem with telling me he loves me. So I have been feeling totally dejected of late. I talked to him about it the other nite - said he was making me feel bad about myself. Was it me? Did he not find me attractive anymore? I offered him the chance to end the relationship and just be friends. He said no way. The next day he was the best boyfriend in the world, went shopping, cooked me lunch in my break from work, told me "I'm the best" , showered me with kisses, sent me loving texts. Why does he become so complacent and then act like this when I giv him a kick up the ***?
2007-11-20 22:55:30 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
TWO PERSPECTIVES
1) THE GUY LOVES YOU BUT FEELS CONTROL IS THE WAY HE IS GONNA KEEP UP WITH IT... AND GOT LOST FOR A WHILE
I would say you have done the best thing to let your bf know the feelings you have had lately. He could feel his shortcomings in the relationship, it did make him feel bad about himself and he was hurt and is trying to make it all up for the time being.... but I think he could have done that in better way... coz chances are that he might become a victim of day to day routine once again and neglect the relationship... whatever he did after listening to you are all towards pleasing you... its not what is happening spontaneously but like you have mentioned only after a kick in his ***..... but look dear he does want you to feel happy... he sure does love you... no doubt.. you should talk to him again and explain him to come out with his feelings clean... don't do something just to make you happy for a day and then sulk back to his shell again.
2) THE GUY IS TAKING YOU FOR GRANTED AND DOES EVERYTHING TO PLEASE YOU, SINCE HE DOES NOT HAVE ANY BETTER OPTION RIGHT NOW.
I think I don't need to explain this... such behavior is very common for people who feel insecure about their relationship.. if someone loves you why would they feel like that????..... didn't this ever appear to you... or are you too blinded in you feelings ? Give a clear thought.... if this is what it appears to be... they I would say you still have got time.... please dump him, move on and get a real love life. Its not easy but see long term...
2007-11-20 23:10:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my boyfriend is the same way. well, hes not controlling with the sex or anything but as far as making me feel like sh*t one day or for a week and then all of a sudden we are the perfect couple. Its crazy, and i cant deal with it much longer, Right now he's back in one of his moods and hasn't spoken to me in the past 3 days. And when i tried to talk to him he told me that he thinks i'm crazy and need to see a psychiatrist;
My sister thinks he may be bipolar. I think it may just be his personality. He's the type that even when he's wrong, he's still right. Basically its his way or his way.
Maybe thats the type of boyfriend you have. I really dont think they can change unless they want to and with that personality type where they dont believe anything is wrong with them, that may be an impossible dream. So my adivce for you is that if you really believe he loves you, then you can try to stick with him through the abuse. But i dont feel anyone deserves to be treated like that.
In my case, i really love him, but i am so tired of the b.s. The only reason i really want to make it work, besides the fact that i love him, is that i'm also pregnant. But please believe, that will not even be an issue if he doesnt change soon. I have been a single mother and i will not compromise myself or my children to the abuse of any man.
You basically have to sit down and ask your self, is it really worth the drama?
2007-11-20 23:06:35 · answer #2 · answered by Real Talk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's got some issues. And, unless you're willing to work through them and you know that he's also willing to work through them, I suggest you start looking for a new boyfriend. But, also think about what it was that drew you to this guy in the first place. It takes two to make a relationship.
2007-11-20 23:24:07 · answer #3 · answered by Porch 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
From what you wrote, he doesn't sound like a control freak and I think its good the way he reacted to you when you talked to him.
2016-05-24 21:11:14 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What up girlfriend, it's your homeboy Steve Simmons. I say your man is a controller, like a remote controller, and you best hit that mute button before he edits the tint in the menu options and turns everything a sickly shade of green. Life should be techni-color, yo.
Peace.
2007-11-20 23:00:30 · answer #5 · answered by Steve Simmons 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Guy is a complete Tosser. Dump him now. There are guys out there who will show you a bit of respect. Love and Control do not belong in the same relationship. Any guy who only wants sex when he feels like it and does not care how you feel is not worth being with.
2007-11-20 23:07:30 · answer #6 · answered by ronnie M 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Sounds to me like he may have just not realized how you were feeling, he may have things on his mind?
The fact he did what he did when you told him how you were feeling must show he loves you.
Maybe he calls you just to check you got home OK because he cares, I call my Girlfriend but I'm not trying to control Her.
2007-11-20 23:04:33 · answer #7 · answered by 8 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out of the relationship, start life without a leash.
2007-11-20 23:03:44 · answer #8 · answered by kat0217 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Hey..he love you deeply..thats y he asked you that you reached the home safely...but he dont know how to express..he care abt u..no dout..
2007-11-20 23:02:15 · answer #9 · answered by adrulear 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He was just taking you for granted, and realized that if he did not get it together, he was going to lose you.
2007-11-20 23:09:06 · answer #10 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋