My Boyfriend calls me dirty names in bed, should i tolerate that ?

Question

Let me clarify, he calls me names such as bi*tch, cu*nt, who*re, sl*ut, etc....

he tells me that he only calls me those names only in bed, but he has now started to call me these names when we are in the car together talking, or kissing in the car, or walking on the street together.

should i worry ? he is an abuser in the beginning stage ? what should i do ?

Answer 1

You should clearly tell him to stop. If he doesn't dump him. You shouldnt torelate any kind of abuse. Yes you should worry, all abuse starts with verbal abuse. Just tell him to stop.

Answer 2

Tell him you do not appreciate being called disrespectful names. You can tell him talking dirty in bed if fine to you when you are in the mood(), but you do not want to be and will not be called those names. Tell him that him doing so put's you OUT of the mood. How long have you known him? If it's been a short time, this doesn't sound good. Also, since he's doing it in the car or walking on the street now sounds wierd. If your really not sure and not already spooked enough by that, and think it's just because he's 'horny' then tell him, and if he doesn't stop or does other things that set off an alarm, I'd say step out of that relationship. I've been with my man for 7 years, we have a great intimate relationship, and I love dirty talk, but I would NOT tolerate the names you've listed at any time, or place, EVER!!! It's just plain disrespectful.

Answer 3

Clearly you are not comfortable with it, right?

If it doesnt turn you on, and you find it offensive, or it makes you uncomfortable, tell him. If he doesnt stop, THEN you know you have a problem.

At this stage, maybe it really does turn him on. Not necessarily a sign of an abuser. Although, in my opinion, its one thing to say such things in the bedroom, but its another to take it out onto the street....

Answer 4

It probably is just a turn on for him. I would suggest trying to compromise. Tell him he can call you those things in the bedroom if it doesn't hurt how you experience intimacy in exchange for him not calling you those things in public.

If it bothers you all together you need to tell him you have a problem with it, and if he refuses to stop you need to find yourself a new boyfriend :) No woman should be called a ***** by the man she is trying to harvest a relationship, unless it's part of something you are both enjoying.

Answer 5

First of all, a little bit of "naughty talk" in bed is fine as long as both people are comfortable with it. But what you are talking about is not playful in any way. What he is doing is conditioning you to feel degraded. Do not put up with this!

Let him know it is not welcome it has to stop immediately. If he loves you, he will not only stop, but he will apologize for having made you feel bad. If he gets defensive or tries to turn it on you like you're overreacting or anything, get away from this guy as fast as possible. He is definitely an abuser who is attempting to "groom" you as a victim.

This isn't love.

Answer 6

Okay, if he is doing this name calling other than when you all are freakin, then I think it's an issue. I say it's an issue only if you have not told him that it's uncomfortable and out of order. In bed it's differant. All the time, I don't think so. So talk to him and let him know and maybe you should call him some names and then he'll see it's not cool.

Answer 7

I think your boyfriend has been watching too much porn. Maybe he has a fantasy of dominating a woman and slapping her around a little.

Tell you what I would have done........the very FIRST time he called me one of those names, I would have got up and walked out.

Yes, I think you should worry. The mere fact that he thinks this is OK is enough to make you worry. Is it acceptable for him to call you these names? Even if he's joking? Shouldn't be. Tell him to knock it off and mean it. You need to demand some respect for yourself, because he's not giving it to you.

Answer 8

I don't know if he's physically abusive, but it certainly sounds like he's verbally abusive. If he started doing it in bed and now does it in every day situations out of the bedroom, his behaviour is escalating. Where it will all lead ... who knows? The good news is that you get to decide how others will treat you. If you don't like the way he's treating you, leave. If you don't mind, then stick around but realize that this could definitely be a red flag.

Answer 9

Ah, yeah, that's an abuser coming out in my thoughts... dirty names in bed (with approval/wanting that talk) is one thing, in the car/public is quite another. My ex-wife didn't mind the b****, as long as I was joking or telling her how people thought, but I never would have even thought about the other 3 you stated.

Hope everything works out for you, and never think that things will change if you tell him this and they don't change immediately.

Answer 10

Have a nice talk with him and tell him you don't like being called derogatory names. That it's a real turn off in bed and especially not appreciated in public. Please stop. Hopefully he doesn't realize and he has some roll play fantasy and is getting off on it. If not, don't tolerate it. Some men have strange ways of controlling and demoralizing women into submission. In public, NEVER. If he keeps it up, I'd make it a deal breaker. You and I both know it's wrong and shows a real lack of respect for you. I don't think I would want sex with someone calling me all that cr*p.

Answer 11

if you don't like it then tell him. He should definitely not be calling you these in public, that is rude. Don't let him think that he can control you, stand up for yourself. If he gets into the habit of abusive cursing, he may become physically abusive which i hope to god doesn't happen. You are the only one who can see the level of power he is building, if it become uncomfortable then stop him before something happens. good luck and i hope everything works out :O)