my 94 yr old father has a serious brain injury complicated by alzhiemers disease and my 89 yr old mother is in a nursing home recouperating from a fractured hip bone,heres the problem,with my father the way he is and no one home but me should my brother look into getting a nurses aide to help me cope with my fathers illness? i think so,but my brothers excuse for not getting one is this" your living home with dad,therefor you take care of him"! whos right? i feel that dad is getting to be a little cantankerous and he looses things and is constantly misplacing utensils parts of coffee pots,address books,i end up in a big argument with dad,i tell him where did you put the address book and i get a stupid answer.he always denys loosing things and blames me!what can be done,im slowly loosing my patience!
2007-11-20 15:24:15 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
hi,i dont want to sound like im rolling in self pity,im 66 years old and on ssi as my only form of income,both my parents get social security checks.,my brother is the only money maker in the family,hes a dentist.
2007-11-20 15:45:34 · update #1
A nursing assistant I am sure would help but you also need breaks. A little time away does wonders. You could consider calling your father's doctor. His staff may have or be able to put you in contact with a social worker that could evaluate the situation, see what your father and you need and get you some help.
2007-11-20 15:38:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have taken care of Alzheimer's patients in the past. This disease causes confusion and sometimes very aggressive behavior.
You can't change your dads condition nor does arguing with him change anything.
If he has gotten to the point where you can no longer control him, then he needs to be in a nursing home. This is never an easy decision, but your brother is wrong. Your brother just doesn't want the responsibility and is laying it off on you because you live with your dad.
People with advanced Alzheimer's can become physically abusive. I've been hit, bitten, and in general abused by Alzheimer's patients I've taken care of. An aid who has not been trained in taking care of people with this disease will not really be of help to you.
Your father needs to be in a controlled environment where he cannot hurt himself or anyone else.
Good luck. I wish you the best.
2007-11-20 15:41:00 · answer #2 · answered by gail s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they have good insurance, it should pay for him a nurse, or at least one that comes in a few times a week to give you a break. Talk to your fathers doctor. He may go ahead and have hospice start coming out now. Even if he isn't that bad off yet.
Or you may even need to consider a nursing home, it isn't something anyone wants to do. But some times it is the best. And with Alzheimer's, it really may be a good idea.
And if your brother isn't coming over and helping, then I am sorry for that. That isn't right of him to do.
2007-11-20 15:36:28 · answer #3 · answered by cris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you asking and not telling. Get more strength within yourself and make decisions. Since your Dad is having such a challenging time and probably doesn't know you half the time. YOU make arrangements to put him in a home where they can look after him. If it is at all possible, put him in the same home as your mother. Then you can visit both of them at the same time, and can make sure they are O.K,.
Don't ask people , like your brother, what you should do.
Make decisions. Make choices, think for yourself and do the best for everybody.,
Being 94 you will be doing your Dad a favor and with your mother (89) there is not much else you can do for either of them except to be there for them as much as you can. Show them your love for them by being attentive as much as possible, and making sure they are treated properly.
Let your brother do whatever he wants, he is anyway.
Now you make choices, for yourself and what is best for your parents.
2007-11-20 15:35:36 · answer #4 · answered by Maureen S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Isn't it just so typical for the siblings to put all the work onto one! Tell them to move in and look after him.
Families are inclined to forget that we are not all trained nurses with the skills to look after the elderly. You are doing the best you can but you Dad needs professional nursing help. Your brothers need to understand this.
Get your dad assessed by a GP and perhaps have a letter sent to your brothers advising that he needs proper care now.
2007-11-20 15:31:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are right and your brother is just being selfish!!! You need help with your father and thats that. Its his dad also so if he doesnt want to flip the bill with you then maybe he should take on a shift and help your dad out just like you do. SO WHAT YOU LIVE THERE!!!! Im quite sure you pay the bills and have the job also. YOur there all night so you deserve a rest. Tell him he can be that extra care =giver since he doesnt wanna get one
2007-11-20 15:32:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your brother is being a little insensitive. It is no easy task at your age to be in this situation, or deal with the issues. "Being in the house" is not compensation enough for what you are attempting to do. Sometimes you need a break and to "just be you" or u will suffer mentally. If you lose it you will not be able to care for your dad at all. are there any social programs that can help, like the dept. of aging? i will be praying for you....
2007-11-20 16:00:42 · answer #7 · answered by Yolanda T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a serious matter. No, you should not be totally responsible for your Dad. Ever heard about the carer dying ahead of the one who is cared for? . Tell your brother that you need help, and if he does not agree, suggest to him that he take over the role for a week and experience it for himself.If this happens I guarantee your nurse will be at the door within a day.
2007-11-20 15:30:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I think maybe you should look into putting him in a home as well. But if you want him at home, you def. need to hire someone. Taking care of someone is a hard job, and I can't even imagine trying to take care of my own family member in that way (and I am a nurses aide). You need to make sure someone is there who can take care of him properly and give him the attention he needs.
2007-11-20 15:33:13 · answer #9 · answered by twirpy_gurl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are stressed to the max with this whole situation , sorry . Try to explain to your brother that just because you are still living with your father does not mean that you have to deal with this illness . Relax take a deep breath . Good luck.
2007-11-20 15:31:36 · answer #10 · answered by Ana C pisces1976 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋