Trapped in uncomfortable living arrangement..?

Question

Okay, here it is:

I am 30 yrs old & currently living at home with my father. A few months back, I asked my husband to move out because we were having problems. He was never home, stayed out late & came home drunk from time to time. Eventually we will divorce but here is the root of my problem. We always lived with my dad because were saving to buy a house. When I realized how unhappy we might be, I asked him to leave. We split our joint acct evenly but I flew through that money paying bills. I have no real way to save money because now I'm going half with my dad on the rent. I feel trapped. I thought about taking out a loan to facilitate a real move- out of state perhaps for a fresh start, but I don't need more debt. I partly blame my father because he always wanted me close by & that's some of the reason why my husband stayed out so much. I am miserable. I'm often at the mercy of whoever comes over for my dad because I have nowhere else to go. I'm losing my mind. Any advice?

Some added info: I do have a job that pays the bills, but I am just getting by instead of saving.
My father has always borrowed money from myself & both of my older sisters. He is not here legally & I am the only one in family that truly is. I am expected to take care of him since my sisters have their own kids & family. It was as if my life was less important because I did not have children. I don't have excuses. There are actual reasons why I was not able to move out when I wanted to some 6 yrs ago. I don't want to turn my back on him but he will have no one when I leave.

Answer 1

Well I can say to you that you are lucky you don't have children, I think that you will have to work harder to be independent from your father and get your own place to live. You say that your father wants you closer, that doesn't mean that you have to live in the same house, get your own place and start all over again, you are still young and you can do it, be strong and good luck.

Answer 2

First of all, I'm a little confused.

You asked your husband to move out because you realized how unhappy your MIGHT be???

Were you unhappy when you asked him to move out???

Sounds to me you made your decision a long time ago. You chose your father over your husband from day one. Don't blame your husband because he wasn't comfortable with the situation.

Don't blame your father either. It was your choice. You and your husband could have rented a place. it may have taken longer to save for a home of your own, but you would have been a real family.

You're 30 years old. Grow up before you screw up the rest of your life.

Answer 3

For starters hon, you are 30!NOT 13!
If you were 13 THEN your dad would be at fault.YOU are an adult and it is time to ACT like one.You are in the position you are in because YOU CHOSE to be IN it.
Go back to school and get training to get a job that pays enough for you to make it on your own, then move out.
If you make enough then learn to live on a budget and within your means, but the time for blaming others is over.
Do you have a car?Leave if unwanted company comes over to your dad's. Go to a movie, go to a friends house.Get in church that will help you a lot, try the United Pentecostal church they are great.

Answer 4

Yes and No. The reason why I say this is there is an upside to the situation and also a downside! I am currently living with my parents which is a bit difficult for me being that I lived on my own while at school I stayed in an apartment on my campus. Now I have to pretty much follow their rules which is rough. I made my own rules while in college. Since I graduated, I am trying to find a job that pays well so I can save up money for my own place and I also intend to go back to school.

Answer 5

Do you not have a friend or work collegue with whom you could share rental.? This would not possibly change your financial position, but it may give you a little peace of mind. Dont blame your father for your broken marriage, He was good enough to allow you to share with him in the first place.You are not trapped as you are an adult, and if it is really that bad you would, and should, find a way to leave. The best of luck.

Answer 6

You are not trapped. You are a grown up. You need to start acting like a grown up. If your marriage is on the rocks, don't blame your dad.

Cut up your credit cards. Stop giving in to every little whim. Take a sack lunch to work. No more Starbucks. Live frugally. Go to the payroll department of your work and have them take 10% of your pay and send it to your savings account. (Set up at a credit union so you earn better interest.)
Get down on your knees and give Thanks on Thursday that you have a dad, especially a dad who let you and your husband live with him.

I lost my dad when he was younger than I am now. When I read some post like yours, I don't feel too kindly toward the poster.

Answer 7

ok, here you are 30 yrs old,. dont you think its about time to cut the ties with your dad? I can understand that your dad wants you near, cause no matter how old we get, no one is good enough for his daughter, sounds as if this was somewhat a problem in your relationship, get out now and start on your own, you will find that you will be much more happy in the future.

Answer 8

Have you got a girlfriend you can go see ( and stay with) when your dad's friends come over?

See if you can't work things out with your husband.. a place of your own would be a start...
Even if it means a second job to raise the money....

Answer 9

You need to cut ties with your dad.Is there a friend or work colleague that you can rentwith.If money is a problem then board with someone which is cheaper until you have enough cash to rent on your own.Stick ads up on shop windows.People often do that where I live.

Answer 10

It's called flatting. You move out of home and move into a flatting situation with people single like yourself. Look at the flat mates wanted in your local paper.