My mom drinks and i dont know what i can do about it??

Question

im almost 16 and shes 45.. she drinks alot of popov vodka everyday andwont admit it .. shes fine all day the around 6 she just slowly becomes drunk.. my whoel family knows about it but she wont talk about it. if i try and talk to her when shes sober she just trys to change the subject or just stops talking to me and gets mad if i talk to her when shes drunk she acts like a jackass and just says im drinking water and im fine and stupid stuff liek that when its 100% obvious shes drunk..so i can talk to her about it and she hides the vodka throughout my house..its a big house but i have found it a couple of times and dumped it out.. im not sure if i should do something or just let her live her life how shes wants something i noticed is before maybe 2 years ago she would buy vodka in the store while i was sith her and she would acually drive with it and drink it and i would be like can i have a drink of your water and she would say ya and i would drink it and be like ew..add details

going on.. i would say ew this is gross and she would be like oh its just old and i was stupid enough to believe it now that i realize what she does she never buys it when im with her she does it alone what can i do!

Answer 1

as much as i hate to say this my mother was an alcholic for years till it finally killed her and a part of me died with her.my mother would deny it to. iwould find it in the tank of the toilet,in clothes hampers,dresser drawers,wash machine or dryer,closets. you name it i found it. you do not say if your dad is around and what he says about it.my mother would go as far as taking beer and putting pepsi wrapper around the can so she thought i wouldnt know or put whiskey in her coffee.there was nothing i could do either. except go to alteen it helps you to help your self. i use to lie for my mother and make up stories or blame us kids if we were better kids she wouldnt drink. nothing worked. she got serosus of the liver dr. said if you do not quit you will be gone within two years. well two years came 2 dui;s no liscence she ended up dieing.couldnt do any thing for her. out of 6 kids all became alcholics except me. i hated it and didnt want it. dont get me wrong i almost did i woke up fast and was not gonna put my kids through what i went through. unfortunatly both my parents were alcholoics my father was very abusive to my mother.they ended in divorce. she got remarried he didnt.i was 16 left home cuz i couldnt take it any more which wasnt the answer but at the time i thought it was. i slept in my car,no food,shower or anything. i was at 90 pounds and realized i needed to get my own life in order cuz i was letting her bring me down. anyways i went through about 10-15 years of counsling alanon , theres alateen. alot of different ones. i was there for my mother till the end.all she could do is look at me and say i should of listened and i love you.that was the last time i talked to her.call family services see if there is any thing you can do to help her.you do not have togive them your name or anything.my dear i wish you the best of luck and love ,you will need it. i will pray for you and your mother.also my father died from alcohlism too ,both were 50 years old.i wish you all the best. if you cannot help her go to at least 1 alanon or alateen meeting they are free and usally at churches. your not alone and it will help to a point and all you can do is be there for the best you know how.my mother would call at 2 or3 in the morning for me to come pick her up from the bar. i just had my daughter but i would do it cuz if anything would of happened to her i would of never forgave myself.now im glad i did cuz i feel in my heart idid everything i could of and more.good luck and please try going to a meeting. look in your local newspaper or call a church or family services they;ll help

Answer 2

I'm sorry you're having to live with this. Your mother is an alcoholic. The reality is that YOU cannot make her change & stop drinking. Other people have recommended Alateen and Al-Anon. It's good advice. It gives you a chance to take the focus off her and puts it back on you.

Pouring her booze out is not the right thing to do. It's the self-righteous thing; it's you being the booze cop and it's Not Your Job! It doesn't work. It didn't work 40 years ago when my mom was getting hammered on Heaven Hill bourbon either. It's real hard when you're a teen and you "wise up" about a parent's drinking problem, like you did a couple years ago. I'm sure it's been embarassing at times too. I remember feeling so hurt and angry about it, especially when she lied about what & how much she drank. We know, so the lie is kind of insulting to our intelligence. But the fact is, for her to be an active, practicing alcholic, she has to be in a huge amount of pain that she's suffering in denial about. The fact that she's suffering also means she deserves compassion. She didn't volunteer to become an alcoholic, however much it seems.

The reality is that you can't change her behavior to suit you, but you can change your own behavior and that's what alateen and al-anon can help with.

Side notes:

Arien - you're way off base and out of line. Her parent's alcoholism *is* hurting her and it does cause long-term harm. I know from personal experience. The suggestion that this kid practice incest because it might solve mom's problem "if sexual" and satisfy the kid's ego is totally inappropriate.

For those who say, "Keep throwing the booze out!" It does NOT work. Alcoholics can become unpredictable and irrational and if someone's pitching their booze, that irrationality can come out in verbal or physical abuse which can escalate. This is NOT a good thing. The drunk has to hit their bottom on their own. Neither is humiliating the alcoholic parent a good thing. When, if they sober up, they may or may not forgive, but they will never forget. This is a disease, not a character flaw. If you wouldn't humiliate someone for getting cancer or MS, then why would you humiliate them for becoming alcoholics?

Also those who suggested that she get her mom to open up and confide in her... YIKES! She's not supposed to be her mom's pShrink or confidant. She's supposed to be "The Kid - The Teenager." It's not healthy for a kid to take on a sick parent's psychological & mental health care; it's not a kids job and they're not equipped for it. It's asking way too much.

Intervention, appropriately done can be helpful. But I would recommend that you wait until after the holidays when things are not so emotionally loaded for everyone. But your first move was already recommended: Alateen and Al-Anon.

Good luck to you!

Answer 3

I'm sorry that your mom drinks. I know it must hurt you to see her like this. I am a mom who drank. I have been sober for 6 yrs. now. Here is what you can do. Get in touch with a program called alanon and a program called alateen. You can talk to a family member, or look in the phone book under alcoholics anonymous. I wouldn't talk to your school because you might have people investigating your home and I don't think you want or need that. If you cannot find the number for AA, then call information from a phone away from home because there is a small fee and it will show on the phone bill and your mom will wonder what thats about. Information is 411 where I live. I don't know where you are from. Also I will give you a web site to go to. It's called Daily Strength and they offer over 500 support groups. You will find help there. Good Luck and don't give up on your mom.

Answer 4

Anyone else you can talk to? Please find someone for your own sake if you're serious about all of this, because this sounds like the sort of thing another mind to help you work through what's in yours would really help with. It does get better. . . just see if you can find someone who doesn't immediately freak out on you. Such people *do* exist, or I'd not be where I am today. Teachers and other school personnel are legally required to put you into the proper channels if they see anything that doesn't quite look right with their students. Yeah, it can be kind of harsh and not always what you think is really going to help you. . . but that's a job requirement these days. You can get in real trouble if you saw anything that looked like bad signs and didn't report it -- it's not just a personal guilt thing. If the school counselor's not the right person for you and your mom's not a good option either, any other adult who you feel like you go can go to just to chat about life will do nicely so long as it seems like they've really go your best interests at heart. I say "adult" because you just need someone who has some clue of what they can and can't help you out with properly, and then where to recommend you go that will actually help if it's something they can't handle just between you two. . . people your own age often don't have that kind of knowledge about what help is out there.

Answer 5

She obviously has issues which are bothing her - its so sad that you are having to witness this as she is your mother and it must hurt to see her doing this to herself.

First of all understand alcoholism is an illness and it will take treatment for her to get better.

Secondly she has to admit she has a problem otherwise she will not accept help.

My advice is to talk to another family member so they can speak to her. Try and remove yourself from the situation, if you can stay with a relative or a friend then go there for a while. Let your mother know that you love her, but her actions are damaging you (at 16 you are still a child). This should give her time alone and space to think, hopefully she will realise what is happening and get some help.

Answer 6

What an insensitive moron dean b is! I'm so sorry to hear that you are watching your mum slide into alcoholism. When it happens to one of our family members, it can make you feel so helpless. May I suggest an intervention? Perhaps get a list of rehabilitation cenres or alcohol counsellors in your area, get all your mums friends and family together, and all of you confront her about her alcoholism. Tell her that its not okay to self destruct in the manner she is doing it. That you love her too much. That you feel powerless against the alcohol. That it is not only destroying her life, that it is potentially destroying yours as well. This woman needs help, and only professional people can deal with a situation like this. You are so young, and must feel so worried and burdened. Please, also look up co dependancy on the net, when we have loved ones that are addicted, we usually are co dependant people. Please look it up, as I feel the information may help you. Good luck mate, and I will be praying for you and your family.

Answer 7

Contact Intervention

http://www.aetv.com/intervention/index.jsp

Answer 8

I am so sorry. I know what that is like. My dad is 59 but when I was 8 and 9 he drank a lot. I knew it and I tried to get him to stop. Thankfully he quit and doesn't do it anymore. Talk to your mom. Tell her you love her. Be with her and talk to her. If that doesn't work, talk to another trusted adult of a close friend or another family member. You can always turn to an alcoholics anonymous group for your mom or calling the police. I hope that she stops for your sake and I know how it feels. Remember to approach her calmly. Good luck!!

Answer 9

You need to give more time to her. Start talking about problems in life. Trials and turmoils, let her open up. Once you
know what her problem is, it would be easier for you to tackle it. If she drinks because of gene then the only solution is a medical treatment.

Tell her how much you love her. Advise her to see a pshychartist, but not before you have tried gaining her confience and shown your concern for her.

Javed Kaleem

Answer 10

I'm sorry to hear that. Keep dumping it. Confront her on it again and again. Dont let it slide. Try as hard as you can to get her to find help. Ultimatums are rough, but something along the lines of "your son, or your vodka, choose one" would prove possibly as a good jolt to her. Threaten to call protective services if she gives you too much lip. No matter how mad she gets, you are in the right. Hopefully she can see that and get help.