My biological father who I have rarely seen in my 32 years of life is coming to Txgiving dinner for the first time. I am not happy about my brother inviting him, however, I am taking everyone's advice and am going to go anyway. My brother refers to this man as "Dad" (they rekindled their relationship a few years ago). I have yet to rekindle our relationship; I barely know this guy since he hasn't been involved most of my 32 years. My question is when I see him this Txgiving, do I call him "Dad?" I have always referred to him by his first name "Bob" when talking about him. I don't want my brother to get upset, however, I am not comfortable calling him "Dad" nor do I feel as if he is worthy of me calling him "Dad" What do you think?
2007-11-20 14:33:47 · 9 answers · asked by renea_phd 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
No u dont have to call him dad im sure he will understand that and as for ur brother he has to understand as well refer to him as "bob" if u feel more comftorbel that way after all the guy has been out of ur life for 20 years
2007-11-20 14:43:32 · answer #1 · answered by confused 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dad or any other term of respect has to be earned. Since we have no idea why there was a separation of 20 years, you are the one to decide what you call him. If your brother wants to call him "Dad", after rekindling a relationship , that is his choice. If you are not comfortable calling him "Dad", then don't.
2007-11-20 14:52:12 · answer #2 · answered by googie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I saw my biological father for the first time since I was 2 when I was 20 (I say I first met him then). I am now nearly 43. I have yet to call him dad to his face (I only do it around others so they will understand more clearly who he is). I still call him by his first name, Carl, though my brother calls him dad. I was so upset when someone called him my dad. To me, he was never my dad and never would be. But, I soon got used to the idea that, that is how others saw him (his side of the family) and if they want to call him that to me or others, then that's fine. It is their opinion and they are entitled to it. My brother knows that I don't call Carl my dad and doesn't like it, but we had someone else raise us (our maternal stepgrandpa and maternal grandma who adopted us when I was two and he was 5 months), and he wasn't there for 18 years of our lives, so I don't see where he deserves me to call him dad.
I believe that it is up to you what you decide to call him, dad or Bob. If your brother gets upset, then it is something that he has to deal with. It is his own anger or whatever, not yours. Please don't worry about upsetting your brother or anyone else and be true to your own feelings, wants, and needs. You are the only one that can make you happy; don't try to make everyone else happy and make yourself miserable in the process.
2007-11-20 14:56:35 · answer #3 · answered by honey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's better if you can call him dad. Think of your brother, if you call him dad for one night but your heart don't mean it, it's not going to hurt you right. However it's not the same for your brother. Do it for your brother not your father.
2007-11-20 14:57:26 · answer #4 · answered by LimC 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you should go with your gut. Call him by his 1st name, if you feel he hasn't Earned the title of being called "Dad". Good Luck !!
2007-11-20 14:41:39 · answer #5 · answered by casper 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well i think you should call him what ever if best for you to call him and if you feel better calling him bob then call him bob
2007-11-20 14:39:11 · answer #6 · answered by kirsty 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you dont need to call him anything. when talking to him dont use a refrence to who he is. its all family so they know hes your father. to me anyone can be a father ,even a sperm donor but it takes someone special to be a dad,or step dad. you are the one who needs to be comfortable so call him what your use to. he will understand.
2007-11-20 14:49:05 · answer #7 · answered by marilynfsmgm 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are kinda on the spot I would use his first name ,until I felt more comfortable
2007-11-20 14:47:57 · answer #8 · answered by You Are Here 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My advice to u is saying wat comes from u gut and wat ur instinct tells u..if u want wait a little and see how everything turns out...if the time comes u may call him dad but for now and whenever u want call him wat u want
Best of luck to u:]
2007-11-20 14:53:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋