I've been with my girlfriend for a bit over a month now, and the whole time I've been having to deal with her and her recent exbf.. he's still obsessed with her and talks with her about getting back together with her. Well, I'm tired of dealing with it all, and today I threatened him if he wouldn't quit being an *** to my girlfriend. I have a porn video that he made and sent to her A WEEK after me and her started dating, and I threatened to use it against him if he doesn't stop trying to get back together with her! And to make things worse, she wants to be good friends with him... they even hung out alone the other day.
Am I wrong to think that it's a had idea for them to be good friends when he so desperately wants to get back together with her?! She's pissed at me now for "getting involved in matters that don't concern me" ... when obviously it DOES concern me..
2007-11-20 11:43:51 · 24 answers · asked by Mike 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He's definitely trying to get her back....and it sounds like she is open to the idea. I hate to say it, but it sounds like YOU are the third wheel in this relationship right now. She's pissed at you for getting involved? He's sending her porn and trying to hook back up---that's not acting like a "friend". Tell her it's you or the ex, then be prepared to move on when she picks the ex. Move on, hon.
2007-11-20 11:51:15 · answer #1 · answered by Jacqueline D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NOBODY can be friends with an ex who still has strong feelings. In my opinion, you can't be friends with an ex anyway, because it is disrespectful to any new partner. Unless, of course, you are talking about an ex-spouse and there are children from that marriage.
It sounds to me that possibly this guy has closure issues, and does not want to face the fact that the relationship is over. By the offer of friendship, your girlfriend is encouraging the prolonging. I don't understand why she is doing this--other than the obvious explanation that you do not fulfill all her needs at the present time. It could be that she requires the attention of more than one guy to assure herself that she is attractive, or some such. I don't know. It could also be that she has feelings for this guy, wants him back, and is using you either as an any-port-in-a-storm boyfriend or as a punishment for him over what caused their breakup in the first place.
I don't think your own behavior is above reproach on this matter either, but I promised myself not to judgemental. You judge for yourself whether threatening to blackmail a guy--no matter who he is--with a porn tape is something that an honorable and ethical person would do.
If she wants to be friends with the guy, and hang out with him, you are setting yourself up for heartbreak if you choose to stay in this relationship. She is dead wrong if she say you are "getting involved in things that don't concern you" and she is disrespectful of your feelings while she's at it.
I won't advise you what to do. It is your choice whether you want to continue in an obviously unhealthy and dysfunctional relationship.
2007-11-20 11:55:56 · answer #2 · answered by Pagan Dan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It certainly does concern you. You are not comfortable with this, and you do not like it. She should respect your feelings and work with you. You are the one she is with now, not him. If she wants to hang out and do such things with him, you may have to tell her that maybe she needs to be with him again instead of you. She cannot have her cake and eat it too. How would she like it if you were doing the same with one of your ex gfs? Maybe you should do the same to see what she says and how it makes her feel. By her telling you what she did, she is making her choice and choosing him over you when you are the one she is in a relationship with, not him. She needs to grow up and understand that she cannot have everything go her way. Personally, I say that she is not worth your time and effort.
2007-11-20 11:49:46 · answer #3 · answered by Angelic Valentine 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yo girl is not right it does concern you, she still has strong feelings for him or she would not be as involved with him as she is, you should let her know that you are concerned about her going around him because it makes you feel like she may go back with him and leave it at that and see what happens, but dont make the situation worse by threatning him, just let him do all the dumb **** and that mess will all naturally come out the way its supposed too.
2007-11-20 11:49:34 · answer #4 · answered by MS.KEESHA 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If your girlfriend doesn't respect how you feel about her being around him and vice versa then you guys don't deserve to be toghether. I mean she may have feelings for him...
My first love was still very close friends with his ex and they talked all the time and I just excepted it. I mean I have to learn how to trust him right...if we are toghether and he didn't do anything with her than it's fine but if he does then I'd be gone.
Nothing ever happened between them so, I had nothing to worry about and neither should you...I mean what is the history between them? Love? or not?
Maybe she likes the attention she gets from him. If you let her know how you feel and she doesn't care then let her go...and plus what does that tell you about her?
Good luck
2007-11-20 11:48:59 · answer #5 · answered by lotsofluv007 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Should I be pissed that my girlfriend wants to hang out ALONE with her ex-boyfriend who still has strong feelings for her and is actively trying to get back with her?!
You have every right to be pissed and it is wrong.
If you've already talked to her about it (calmly) and told her how it's hurting you and she keeps it up then you need to start looking for a new girlfriend.
2007-11-20 11:47:55 · answer #6 · answered by Willow 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Um, I'm going to be really blunt with you, so do excuse me, but it seems to me like she's just playing with him - and you. I think she hasn't quite made up her mind about you and wants to keep her options open with this other guy. She likes the way you both love her and you're both fighting for her - which is very flattering I'd imagine.
If I were you I'd step out of the situation. Its not healthy and it'll only end in tears.
2007-11-20 11:49:17 · answer #7 · answered by floppity 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just let her breathe, It always helps.
Take into consideration that the more you try to stop her talking to him or being around him the more she is likely to want to that cause there's nothing worse then a controlling boyfriend.
Plus you should trust her enough to know she isnt going to be stupid and do anything with him and if she does, is she really worth it?
Just because one person wants something it doesn't mean it's gonna happen, believe me I know the situation.
Just let her hang out with him, but don't push the matter to much and if you really hate it, try asking if you can come along when they hang out.. Try to make friends okay?
2007-11-20 11:49:45 · answer #8 · answered by Hiren 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You've only been with her for a month, so cut your losses and move on. Either she enjoys making you jealous or she wants to get back with her "ex" as well. Either way, you can't trust her. Get out of there before you get to emotionally involved. It's not worth it.
2007-11-20 11:49:33 · answer #9 · answered by soulguy85 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
H ell no there is no friends with ex's been there done that mine thought if he didnt tell me about being friends it was ok but it turned to be more so..i believe u should sit down and tell her that you dont think its a good idea that u trust her blahh blahh and just say from the heart dont be mean just be honest
2007-11-20 11:47:21 · answer #10 · answered by alicia m 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋