I've had a crush on her for a really long time. We dated and we decided to be friends because she wasn't ready for a 'relationship' yet. I really would like a relationship but she revealed to me that she is really interested in just 'having fun' right now. By having fun, she means having one night stands where she doesn't ever have to see the guy again. She told me she wanted to sleep with me but she couldn't bring herself to do it because she sees me every day in class. Well, a few days ago she started hinting around that she wouldn't mind sleeping with me after all. I really would like to, but I'm afraid that it will only make me want her more. It will make me want a relationship even more but I know she doesn't want that. I know this sounds unmanly, but I'm afraid that by sleeping with her, I will be setting myself up for a lot of pain and heartache. I care about her deeply. What should I do? Should I just keep going with my life and try to forget her advances or...?
2007-11-20 11:40:37 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The reason I want to have sex with her is because if I can never have a relationship with her then at least I'll have one night to remember her by. Is that crazy?
2007-11-20 11:41:21 · update #1
Go for it man, go get some for sure.
You'll regret it later if you don't!
2007-11-20 11:48:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Well, that's a tough one. I mean you can either do it and possibly regret it...... or you can not do it and ponder "what if" for a while. Either way you'll run the risk of regretting it. Maybe try to tell her why you're apprehensive about this, perhaps she can put you at ease in some way. I've been in the same situation and I turned the girl down when I was younger, for the same reasons. In retrospect I kinda wish I did it, because we don't see each other anymore, hell not in a long time. Mind as well have tested the waters you know? I guess it all depends on how serious the friendship is. But if you do deciede to do it, DO NOT GET HER PREGNANT!
2007-11-20 19:53:02 · answer #2 · answered by Tragedy Crept 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This could go either way.
It could lead to you being more obsessed with her and be unable to get over her.
Or it could round off the period of your life where you liked her and be a nice memory in years to come.
BUT I think from your question you have already decided that it will make you more obsessed. So it's setting yourself up for a lot of heartbreak.
Well only you can decide really.
Personally if a guy put me in the same situation I would find the offer very hard to resist.
Don't try to press her into a commitment afterwards though, if you do sleep with her. She has made it more than clear that she doesn't want a relationship with you.
Here's a good quote I found btw:
"It's better to regret something you did, than to regret something you didn't do"
2007-11-20 19:49:51 · answer #3 · answered by munchkin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex si more than just a night of fun. It touches emotions deeply in both men and women. If you are longing for a relationship now, all sex is going to do is make that longing worse. Caring about her deeply is okay, but don't subject yourself to pain. Afterall, if she wants to be sleeping around with a lot of guys how do you know she hasnt caught an STD or worse? I'm not trying to sound mean but you need to look at the health aspect of a situation as well. For your own safety. Try going out with the guys, not to look for someone new but to get your mind off her. Right now it's hard but eventually you will be grateful you didn't sleep with. As her friend she should respect your decision and not ask again. And you as her friend need to think about whether or not you really want to be friends with someone who would expect or ask such a thing of you. Sex isn't bad but can lead to painful things if you do not go about it properly.
2007-11-20 19:50:54 · answer #4 · answered by Kris 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You know that by sleeping with her you'll only want her more. Sure, you think you'd like to be able to look back on that one night, but are you ready to look back on that one night and WANT HER for the rest of your life. I won't discuss the morals or the ethics, just this one thing ---- can you deal with never having her? Isn't it possible, too, that by saying NO you will make her see a different side of you, and NOT sleeping with her might be the key to having her for real?
2007-11-20 19:50:56 · answer #5 · answered by Rich 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, I don't see this going well.
If you have sex, it will get messy. She said she doesn't want a relationship. Well, if you have sex with her, you're going to be in some sort of pseudo-relationship (meaning... you won't be "dating" her and yet you'll feel unable to date anyone else without a lot of drama ensuing). Plus, the fact that you see her everyday... no. Just say no.
2007-11-20 19:49:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man that is thinking with his heart instead of his D*ck, I thought I would never see the day. Like you said this might be the only opportunity for you to have some kind of a relationship with her so I would go for it. It might not just be a one nighter, it may turn into a couple of nighters, who knows. At least you will have the memories of feeling her body against yours.
2007-11-20 19:52:17 · answer #7 · answered by 2good4U 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are one really smart young man. Having relations with someone, especially if you are young, can cause you to fall really hard for someone. How do I know? Because I've been in relationships that were only one night stands. Some were intended to be one night stands and I wound up wanting more than that, or we actually wound up in a really long-term relationship to where eventually both of us got hurt a whole lot emotionally in the end.
Since this is someone you really like, have had a crush on her for a long time, and since you see her every day, I would not put my heart out on the line for a one night stand with this girl because you will see her day, after day, and you will remember that one time experience that you want to prolong but that she just isn't interested in. Sometimes it is just not worth the effort. Do yourself a big favor and continue to have fantasies about what it would be like to be with her, but protect yourself and your heart from getting hurt emotionally. You can find someone you don't care anything about and have a one night stand or just wait until a real lady comes along that is ready for a true relationship, that respects you, and cares for you. This girl will not just be one night's romp in the hay for you. You probably will get hurt because sex can really make you long for more, fall in love, and all the things that she does not want. Relationships for some people can be very casual and for others it can have a tremendous emotional impact, causing you unwanted pain and heartache that you are trying so hard to avoid. Sex can really make an impression on one person and not affect another person's emotions at all. Besides, you know she is only going to be with someone else after you and that will only rub 'salt in the wound' just that much more. Just try to continue to be her friend but don't give her the chance to hurt you in any way.
Trust someone who had a teenage boyfriend that broke-up with her after going out for about six weeks because she was in high school and wouldn't go all the way with him. He called me on the phone and he said that he didn't want to hurt me but he had 'needs' and he could get what he wanted from other girls in school! And even though I often wondered what it would have been like with him, and I think back about those years, I am so glad I didn't give myself to him because he would have just moved on after a while because that's the type of guy he was. I didn't know that at the time though, but I'm older now and I know how it would have wound up in the end...me crying over him and having my heart broken in two pieces because I allowed myself to get too attached to him. At least I can still hold my head up knowing I didn't throw away
something good on a boy who really didn't care about me as much as I cared about him. And even though I wouldn't let him go all the way, I still cried because he really hurt me and it was
simply because he was so selfish and shallow! You will be so
much better off emotionally as well as physically if you do not have sex with this girl. I truly applaud you on your very mature thinking!! My teenager is still waiting for the right girl, too!Good luck to you, hun!! :)
2007-11-21 00:16:07 · answer #8 · answered by Gardeniagirl 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dude, I will only make your relationship much more complicated. She pretty much said she is going to sleep with different guys, if not already. This might cause some jealousy that could make things a lot harder.
Its your choice.
2007-11-20 19:50:21 · answer #9 · answered by boer84 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know the answer you've said it urself 'I will be setting myself up for a lot of pain and heartache'
2007-11-20 19:45:17 · answer #10 · answered by Bladeedaa 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I would leave it alone, you are right you are only going to hurt yourself. You sound like a REALLY nice guy. I wouldn't waste your self on her she sounds like she could have diseases. I don't mean that in a mean way either. Good luck
2007-11-20 19:47:07 · answer #11 · answered by sheila 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋