Firstly we love each other deeply. So pls no suggestions like 'leave her'!! We love each other and have a great time. But its one thing being a lover with your wife and another being her friend. In terms of the 'lover' side, all is fine. But in terms of the 'friend' side when we are not saying 'hey your beautiful or i love you' etc. etc. there just seems like we dont have that much to talk about. I mean so many times we just get silent (its a comfortable silence).
We are JUST married. I want to open up to her and want her to open up to me a lot more. I feel like if we both do then there wont be that many silences. But I think she has great difficutlies in opening up with me I really dont know y. Ive said it SO many times, please open up with me. I know she thinks of her close sisters and brothers A LOT. I told her tell me what shes thinking about them but she doesnt that much.
When we talk we hover around topics we never go in deep.
What to do? How to become better 'friends'??
2007-11-20 11:10:59 · 13 answers · asked by K B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Ask her questions. Do things together and then talk about them later. You see a movie, ask her what she thought about the plot, an actor, anything. And then why did she think that. Remember that opinions are never wrong, just different. Sometimes it's nice to just be quiet with the one you love but I think it's admirable that you want to become good friends. Do things that she likes and you don't. Just go along and enjoy her company and find out why she likes to do that. And then both of you try new things and then talk about them. Pretty soon you'll both be chatting away. Don't forget to ask how her day went before you tell her about yours.
2007-11-20 11:18:56 · answer #1 · answered by towanda 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most friends have something in common besides each other. If you don't have a common interest already, get one. This opens up door #1 for communicating on something you do together. It has to be a non-competitive activity since we don't want you two competing and arguing over that. Take dance lessons, pottery, photography interests something that opens up easy topics to discuss. Once that step is done the comfortable rappor will move into other directions.
2007-11-20 11:18:56 · answer #2 · answered by BGIL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave her. KIDDING. Try talking to her about some of her interests. Ask her questions about her day. Communication is a 2-way street... and she isn't willing to open up, then that might just be her introverted/personal ideas on life. Some women like to keep friends- friends, and husbands, just that, husbands. If you have already tried talking to her about opening up- its just going in one ear and out the other. Do y'all "hang out" a lot? Try going to a theme park for the day or just relaxing. She may open up to you a little bit more.
2007-11-20 11:18:47 · answer #3 · answered by Just Tryin' to Help 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What did u guys do when u were dating? I mean usually u are good friends and then lovers. It all seems to balance out. If u didn't start out like that then talk about what u like? I mean politics, food, childhood, friends,family, work...etc. So much going on around u. Just don't tell her to open us cuz, maybe she thinks she is opening up. Good luck.
2007-11-20 11:15:27 · answer #4 · answered by Mariposa13 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way you describe it, it is she who is having the trouble, not so much you. She seems reluctant to open up to you. I have to ask - didnt you notice this about her before you got married?
Sit with her with music only on (no tv) Bring a glass of wine for each. Come prepared with a question - not too important, but interesting so each of you can share. "You tell me the funniest thing you remember from your childhood, and I'll tell you mine" Something like that. Don't be afraid to encourage her to talk, have fun, laugh at herself and at you.
Every now and then say something like "I trust your opinion on this sort of thing: Here's what happened...." If she thinks you really want to listen to her, she'll be happier to open up more.
Good for you for wanting to get closer.
Good luck. Stufffff
2007-11-20 11:17:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may be married, but you are still two individual people. You may want to learn to respect her personality and find out what is comfortable for her and ask her what she likes to discuss. Also, if you are brave, you may want to ask her what you could do differently, because you are the only one that can change you. Take this time to find out who she is and let her know who you are. This is a time to grow, together.
2007-11-20 11:17:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its hard to open up when your not use to it. if you want to know more about things and be her friend . Ask questions once in awhile that can not be yes or no anwser. We she does tell you tid bits. Let her know how wonderful it makes your feel and how close it makes you feel when she shares her thoughts. Get to know things she likes and if you like them to great you have more to talk about if not get to know about it so when she talks about it you can give input of understand better. Over time with positive feedback and also you sharing your thoughts and things will help her to open up. if in a few years she still doesnt ask her if she would like to go to counseling with you. She sounds like me when i 1st got married lol
2007-11-20 11:41:30 · answer #7 · answered by Royal B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like u guys havent known each other for too long. Why dont u make the first move, begin sharing ur childhood stories, ur precious moments in life etc..... begin telling her whatever u prefer abt urself and she will react in similar ways and will start telling u stuff too.
Its always like for eg u tell ur friends abt a funny moment and then they say 'hang on i got another one'..... and it goes on and on.
2007-11-20 11:23:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get excited again and ignite the friendly passion from before. Take her out to do something random and fun . . . mini golf, a pottery class, go-carts . . . something that could make you both act silly and laugh!
The best way to become "friends" again is to laugh together.
2007-11-20 11:16:06 · answer #9 · answered by Julie D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep trying, and if she evades her family there could be some problems personal to her that she feels it not your business. just be loving kind, respect her help her inhouse cooking shopping congratulations to you both, happy life together, okay
2007-11-20 11:19:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋