Touchy Thanksgiving Dinner?

Question

I've been with this girl for over a year, we were together in high school, separated for some time, then got back together after we both had bad relationships and had a child together. So together we have three children, one mine, one hers and one ours. This is our first thanksgiving dinner that we're supposed to go to her families. I'm having a real problem with this because her grandfather molested her and likely others, but the family has always tried to hide it. I don't want my children around him at all. I've tried seeing about us going to visit some other time when he wont' be there, hell I'd rather trek all around the state than have my children around him(Or any child molester for that matter). She doesn't seem to understand why I do not want the kids there, she gives an excuse like "He doesn't do it to boys" and i can't help but think... *the family hides that he did it to anyone.. How does she know he doesn't do it to boys?*
What should I do? Am I wrong in my thinking?

My boy is autistic, telling him won't help and he wouldn't be able to tell me if/what happened, her boy has already been around grandpa.. I can't for the life of me understand why, but that is a whole different question. and outs is an infant. personally, I don't want him to ever know him. I truly feel that old man has no right to ever know any of his grandchildren. Least of all from a person he did it to.
* I can't go there with the kids, I *will* say something, I won't let him even touch/play with the infant(and i mean in a normal way). I just couldn't live with myself if I let him. I feel the risk is too great.

Answer 1

First and foremost: protect the kids. Your intuition is correct.

Answer 2

Yup, Yahoo Answers is a great place for this to be asked. Especially when facts are missing and its one sided. But as soon as people see 'child molester' they jump. Doesn't matter what is said after that. Doesn't matter what happened, when the victim has to say, or how its been dealt with.
This should have been kept between you and your family.

Answer 3

you are definetly not wrong with your thinking. Protecting your kids should always come first. Try to get her to understand.. explain it one more time. If you do end up going to see him, keep an eye on your children. I personally would not want to go anywhere near him, but i wouldn't want you to do something that would ruin your relationship. if you are really uncomfortable with taking your children there and you don't feel that you wil be able to watch over them properly than you can make the call not to go. Just explain to your girlfriend that you are uncomfortable around him and ask her to promise to look over the kids too. best of luck.

Answer 4

No, you are absolutely correct in your beliefs. Take your little family to an all you can eat buffet place for thanksgiving and no one has to be tipped, and no one has to do any dishes, plus everyone can eat what they want and plenty of it too. Buy an extra dessert (if you all enjoy that) to take home for later, or take your family to a movie after dinner for some extra entertainment.
The point is take your sweet family out to celebrate the holiday without all the insanity and drama. If wife refuses to do that tell her she is welcome to attend her family gathering alone, if she feels she needs to be apart of all that insanity and drama. Sweetie, I hate to tell you but your wife needs some psychiatric counseling (if your insurance and or budget can pay for that). She is living in the land of denial if she thinks what happened to her is not so serious that she'd actually be willing to subject her children to anyone who is a child molester. Her family tries to hide it so no one has to deal with the embarrassment and discomfort of admiting a family elder is actually that sick. Pity grandpa, as he is an extremely sick person. The rest of the family helps him stay sick by not admitting what has occurred. It probably happened to many of them, including your wifes mother or father when they were children. Put your foot down but do it with love and say "I absolutely refuse to have our children around him, end of discussion". If wife gets in a hissy tell her, "honey, Ill call your family and tell them why I refuse, if you'd like me to?" God bless you and your family. Have a wonderful holiday in spite of 'chester the molester'.

Answer 5

No, you are absolutely correct in thinking this way. It is your duty to protect your chidren from harm. If that means staying away from family, then so be it. Who knows if her grandfather molests boys? You don't. Would you be able to live with yourself if one of your kids got hurt, knowing you allowed it? They can't protect themselves. As their father, do the honorable thing. It may hurt your girlfriend, but it sounds like she needs some help. I dont' say this to be hurtful. Counseling is good, it works miracles. She needs to deal with her past before it eats her up inside.

Answer 6

Hmm my Thanksgiving.... Well it used to be my Daughters fist so I used to be lovely excited however I used to be additionally apprehensive for the reason that a few of my loved ones had in no way met her. Anyway we drove all the way down to SanAntonio the day earlier than so we might spend the vacations with my mothers facet of the loved ones. My aunts uncles and cousins all came to visit one million then we ate lunch. I used to be so crammed. Then the men went external to play soccer at the same time we stayed within gossiping. It used to be an ok Thanksgiving except every body speakme crap approximately me being a teenager mother however I tryed to make it well for my daughter

Answer 7

no, you are not wrong at all. once a molester always 1! i would not take any children around him because he is a disgusting freak who should be in jail. she should have told someone or tell someone now that he is a molester or you should. if not you put other children at risk. do not take your children around tht man at all. put up a fight and tell her why you dont want your kids around that perv!

Answer 8

man sucks to be in your place, but, if i were you id warn my kids about this guy, just tell'em to stay away from granpa because he might hurt you or something of that sort. good luck and make sure to keep your eyes on your kids at all times and keep the visit nice and short. also make sure you have the cops' number handy just in case **** hits the fan.

Answer 9

no youre not wrong i would say the same thing to. i deffently wouldnt want my children around a molester!!but if you have to go keep an eye on youre children. he might molest them to or worse rape them .

Answer 10

no, your not wrong and I am wondering what her deal is. If he molestered her. You'd think she'd want to kill him, not sit and eat Turkey ike he was a normal Granddad