4 y/o daughter seeing something she shouldn't have.?

Question

I am divorced.
My 4 y/o daughter goes to dads house in another city 2 hours away every other weekend.
On one of her visits she returned & told me that she saw her dad and his GF having sx.
She gave me details on what he was doing to her and the facial expressions she had, the things she was shouting, and how she'd touch her body..etc.

I'm completly devistated.

What do I do from here?
How/should I take legal matter?

I confronted him & he denied it... he said "kids have imaginations, they make things up"
HELLO!!!!!!! NOT things like this! GIVE ME A BREAK!

His mother told me that they have a queen and king bed in their one bedroom apartment and they ALL sleep in there (2 adults, my daughter, and their child together)
Couldn't they give it a rest TWO days a month while my child is there????

In my home she has her own room & I have enough SENSE to lock my door if needed..

What do I do???????????????

ALSO.. I told him that she will NOT be going to his house until I can figure out what to do about this situation legally... he got quite, didn't responde.. then later called me back crying and said "i will not fight you, so don't take me to court, i can't afford a lawyer, you can't afford one either, I wont fight you on this so if you want to keep me from my daughter -then do it, but not in court.. "
---just a couple months ago he had enough money to take me to court to reduce his child support.. now he doesn't have enough to stay in his daughters life. how convenient.
Anyways my point.. he's agreeing to not fight me on his visitation, I need to get this in writting somehow.. anyone know the law on what I need to do? Contact OAG maybe? but I think they only deal with the money portion not family/criminal law.

I'm SO confused, hurt, devistated.. my FOUR YEAR OLD has been robbed of her innocense.. she hasn't been able to stop talking about this since she returned home. :`(

ONE more thing..
I asked her if she let daddy know that she was awake and not asleep..
And she said "yes, I call daddy, and he tell me ---go back to sleep, we're just changing clothes--- i tell him again I have bad dreams & he scream --go back to sleep-- so i close my eyes"

SHOULD I CONTACT CPS (CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES) AND REPORT IT. THERE IS ALSO ANOTHER SMALL CHILD IN THAT HOUSE THAT NORMALLY SLEEPS IN THAT BED WITH THEM, THEY ONLY PULL OUT THE QUEEN SIZE BED WHEN SHE'S THERE.

I'M SO SCARED ON WHAT TO DO!!
I JUST KNOW THAT I DON'T WANT HER TO EVER GO OVER THERE AGAIN!!!!

OMG Linda is totaly gross. I'm sorry but to say that it's "normal" for a 4 year old to know the details of having sex is disgusting & sad.

I walked in on my parents in bed once, but it was a whole 2 seconds of "omg...hu?" and then a quick "CLOSE THE DOOR!" and that was that... it wasn't until .. oh 5 yrs later when I was about 10 did my older sister bring it up and she told me what it was all about..

My kid isn't even pre-school yet & she knows about things I learned about when I was 21+ (yeah late bloomer)

IT'S GOOD TO SEE THAT MOST PEOPLE REACTED THE WAY I DID, HORRIFIED.
THERE'S ALWAYS ONE WHO THINKS ITS "NATURAL" -those are the ones that marry their cousins or something gross like that!!! hahaha

Answer 1

I work at a child care center and by law I'm supposed to report certian stuff. We go to child abuse/neglect meetings yearly. (I'm 20, and have been going to these meetings ever since i began working at the childcare center - 4 years ago)..

In my state (connecticut) - forgive me if im incorrect - but I believe that sexual abuse can also be exposing yourself to a child (i'm pretty sure having sex infront of a kid would fall under this). ...exposing your child to sexual material/content (Pornography)

Does your husband have legal rights to visit with your daughter? I think that you need to take matters up with your lawyer & the judge (or whoever) gave him visitation rights. Doccument these incidents - and other incidents - that your daughter reports to you in a log book (just keep a little notebook - write these things down and date them) ...even if this is the only thing thats happend up until this point, I'd seek legal advice from your lawyer. Take steps from there (from what your lawyer advises)...

Obviously a 4 year old can not make up THAT kind of stuff unless she has seen/heard it somewhere else before.

Maybe you can send your ex a letter (keep a copy) complaining about this. Maybe even an e-mail so that you can doccument his response (if there is one)....

Good luck. And I'm sorry that your 4 year old had to see that!

Answer 2

First of all calm down. Do you realize how many of us walked in on our parents as kids? Or how many of us heard them? You need to be calm. Loving. Kind. I would have a calm conversation with your husband and make sure that from now on he locks the door. I would also ask that it happen when your child is known to be asleep. Tell your daughter that they were being together because they love each other and she needs to not worry. Even four year olds know the dynamics of your situation and can work it. I know because I have a step daughter who too did this kind of thing. She may have known that you would react this way and wanted some attention and a bit of a reaction. You need to calm down and think rationally. See if she says anything else. If it happens again then you should seek the advice of your attorney. Holding your child from visitation is the wrong thing to do. I walked in on my parents when I was 12. It was hysterical. I think my parents were more traumatized than me. Well actually, maybe my brother was more traumatized than me. lol. Anyway, it's common so don't worry. I have 10 children, we've been walked in on by one of our daughters and another daughter was actually awake at 2am and we didn't know it. She heard me. I was horrified. She's 19 now and teases me about being a bit 'loud'. Oops! It's part of life.

Answer 3

OMG! I'm so sorry! I would talk to your lawyer because when my parents divorced he was required by law to have seperate bedrooms for me and my sister when we went to visit on the weekends. Your childs father needs to have a seperate room just for her and you are right there is no way a 4 year old could think that up. NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!
He is not being responsible at all!

Answer 4

Wow. That's a tough one. He needs not to do that in her presence. I could understand if it were an accident and she walked in. But he and you should explain what she saw, in terms she can understand. Then you, he, and his girlfriend need to come to an agreement that an incident like this doesn't occur again. I don't think one incident is enough to render criminal action but if happens all of the time, I'd seek legal advice. Good luck. 2D