People tell me its normal, but I still feel guilty for having these thoughts. I love my fiance to death, he's the best man for me out there, we're both in our late 20s, have known each other for 4 years, dated for 3....everything is great in the relationship. But I suddenly realized that I will miss the single life....I'll miss exchanging glances with strange guys from across the room, going out dancing with guys, having that "first" kiss or awkward first date, having sex for the very first time with some one. It's not that I had such a highly sexual single life, because I didn't do anything over the top....but I think back to all the fun I had mingling as a single and I feel like its done and gone. How do you get over these feelings?
And no I didnt think about these things while we were just dating, I know some of you will say "how did you make it that far then?"....I guess it just feels like marriage really seals the deal..point of no return.
2007-11-20 09:04:51 · 23 answers · asked by High Fructose Corn Syrup 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
It's perfectly normal to miss that chapter of your life....but your new chapter will be filled with new first and while you still may miss your "old" life you will always have your memories!!
2007-11-20 09:08:28 · answer #1 · answered by Mrs. Jack Sparrow ♥ 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's natural to suddenly feel those "Oh my gosh -- this is it!!" moments of panic before making the big commitment to marriage. It may feel like doors are closing as you turn a new corner of life, but there are just as many, if not more doors, that are opening as you begin a new life with a partner. You've got a future you'll both be building towards and that sense of well-being that you've both made the same promise towards one another to be each other's support in times of need. The future is a murky place and knowing you've got someone to help shine a light through it is a great comfort. I think looking back on previous adventures can sometimes put a nostalgic sheen on memories. It's easier to look back on the positive moments, but sometimes it's important to remember the negative ones to keep things in balance. Single life, like married life, has its share of up's and down's and ultimately it's up to the individual to determine which storm they wish to weather. Sure, there is that excitement of meeting someone new and all that mystery to unfold, but most of that intrigue comes from the most important question everyone has -- is this person The One? It sounds like you've found your soulmate; take a moment now and then to reflect on your exploits in the dating jungle and view it with a balanced perspective. Remind yourself at all times why this person is such a good fit and how the comfort you receive from having this person in your life has benefitted your own journey as an individual. It's so easy to take loved ones for granted -- we start to see the things we don't have and forget about what's right in front of us.
2007-11-20 09:41:05 · answer #2 · answered by denise25 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I did the same thing! About a month or two before marrying I too thought about those exciting firsts and it scared me that I would no longer have them.
You know what happened? I married, and those thoughts flew out the window. I never think them like I thought I would.
I think this is a natural thing-you´re entering into something "unknown" and being single and doing fun firsts is "known." You´re going to be OK-after you marry, make some firsts with your husband and you´ll see it´s much better than when single.
2007-11-21 02:03:49 · answer #3 · answered by Learning is fun! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I cant think of anything more selfish. Im in my late 20’s and am yet to meet anyone who I would consider marrying. Im still single, and would love to have that one person in my life. Single life isn’t all that, lots of nights alone, putting up with friends who are couples and being the 3rd wheel. If it was my choice, I wouldn’t be in the position I am at the moment. Not knowing whether I will ever have someone isn’t a nice feeling.
2007-11-20 11:29:08 · answer #4 · answered by Suzieq 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just try to remember the reality of being single- you're highlighting the good parts. How about going places alone with a bunch of couples because you're the only one who is single, or going through a breakup.
It's normal to be nostalgic for the single times- but believe me, it gets less and less fun as you get into your 30's, and becomes a real drag as all of your friends are buying houses and having babies, and you're still alone.
Gotta see the big picture- not just the good parts!
2007-11-20 09:47:45 · answer #5 · answered by sarah jane 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Think about what makes your fiance seem so right to you. Then focus on something that makes you feel like your love for him is brimming over the top. Throw yourself into this new world (but please don't throw away your common sense) you're entering, because if you take baby steps and look back all the time you might miss out on the best part of your life.
2007-11-20 09:17:14 · answer #6 · answered by moonletters 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. It's a different experience for me. I have no mourning for what I found to be the awkwardness of dating. There is no one else that I want to kiss or sleep with. I am so happy knowing who it is that I will spend the rest of my life with. I can't tell you how happy I was the day I realized that I wouldn't ever have to have another first date again! But, then, I'm in my 40s, never married, and maybe it just gets old after awhile. I'm sooooo looking forward to spending the rest of my life with this one man.
2007-11-20 09:12:09 · answer #7 · answered by Trivial One 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
realize that everyone is curious about what they don't have. i'm sure that the entire time you were single you were yearning for a committed relationship and love so that you could get off the dating roller coaster. the only reason we want what we don't have is because we allow our imaginations to create an ideal, fun, wonderful scenario in the other circumstance. because when it's imaginary, you can tell yourself that it would be so fun and glamorous. you've been single before. sure there are fun parts, but there are fun parts to marriage too.
2007-11-20 09:12:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Actually, those thought of yours aren't 'normal' at all, girl! Sounds to me that you're really not ready for monogamy, and settling down in a marriage with ONE man for the REST of your life.
Most mature women look forward to having that specialness of monogamy, and getting to know ONE husband better over the years and having the love grow and deepen, as you journey together through the marriage. Maybe I just have the right man, but that's how it's been for us!
2007-11-21 03:14:43 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Concentrate on all the "firsts" that you will experience as husband and wife. Your first night together as a married couple, that 1st holiday is totally different than that of the ones where you simply live together...that first child...sweetie you will be so busy experiencing all the married/family 1sts that you will forget the "single" firsts....they are all so different.... either you're ready for married life or u aren't...Good luck to you!
2007-11-20 09:14:59 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My advice to you is postpone the wedding or cancel it all together. If you are having serious doubts (like these), you will have problems in your future.
Cold feet is normal before marriage, but not to the point where you are. If these feeling/events were truly, "gone and done with", you'd be nostalgic rather then doubtful.
I know for myself, I had these feeling. I'm not married, but in a serious relationship. Recently, I've thought seriously about it. The single life is not nearly as exciting as you are remembering it. However, you are doubting wheter those simple joys might be "safer" then venturing into a marriage and possibly failing.
If you have any doubts or any feelings that might resurface at a later date, wait to get married.
2007-11-20 09:14:49 · answer #11 · answered by J'adore 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋