My4yr old daughter is very jelious, posessive and unwilling to share anything with her7mo. old brother. she will take his toys away and at times she'll hit him with the toys. She is always pushing him around and intemadating him, i've tried about every thing i've found and nothing works!! Please help !!! She's out of control
2007-11-20 08:04:08 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
No, you are out of control. You're four-year-old is running the house, isn't she? Be the parent. Take charge. Follow the advice of Jim Fay.
http://www.loveandlogic.com/
2007-11-20 08:09:30 · answer #1 · answered by TryItOnce 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Now is as good a time as any to teach BOUNDARIES to your 4 year old. It is really important to be PRESENT when teaching...by that I mean you need to get up out of the chair and physically correct the situation until she "gets it". You can do this gently, without rancor, hitting or yelling. This takes a whole LOT of patience and I'm sure with a 7 month old, you are probably tired much of the time. In any event, you set the tone in your home and your children will model your bhavior and attitudes for a long time yet. Kids need to have limits and learn consequences for not following the rules which promote harmony in the family. I would suggest you intervene, not allowing her to hit the younger one and lovingly isolating her until she calms down. Afterward, you can invite her back into the circle when she tells you that she is ready to "conform". It is totally OK to let her know that "hitting" is NOT OK but if you hit her, she will see that admonishment for what it is: hypocracy. Finally, I suggest that YOU show by your own example what behavior is and is not acceptable in your family. This is the BEST teacher. Hang in there, by the way...kids grow up and go on to bigger and better things....she may just be a little less mature for a 4 year old....
2007-11-20 08:20:24 · answer #2 · answered by Barbara A 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off the bat, children do not understand sharing until after about the age of five. Sure some kids acquire it before than but most don't especially with a sibling who is competition at this time. The hitting with toys is wrong. She should be getting time outs for this behavior. Put her on a chair or steps away from you and the baby. Do not give her anything to play with while she is sitting in time out. This should be punishment or jail as I call it in my house. After the time-out is over, explain to her that this is unacceptable. If she repeats it again, back into the chair she goes. Please do not give in and start crying, screaming, or pleading. After four kids, I finally figured it out. But don't give up and remember who is in charge. You!!
2007-11-20 08:17:42 · answer #3 · answered by Lost in Maryland 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's 4, not 24. You're mom, not some innocent bystander who's just part of the situation hoping all works out.
Kids do what you let them. She should NOT be hitting her infant brother. She should love him. She's not jealous, she's allowed to act jealous because you never expect anything better from her. Its disgusting.
Children only do what they are taught, either by your forethought and action- or by your lack of follow through and inaction. She's been taught that she can be jealous, and hit, and not share.
If you want her to be caring and to share, you have to teach her how, cultivate it in her, build her confidence in herself about it, and then punish the bejesis out of her when she decides not to. Its not good enough until the situation is resolved and she realizes that she's wrong. Not that she decides to do whatever it takes to scream and throw a fit until you call it over, or until she decides to just go along with you to make it end. Its over when she realizes its wrong, and you can get her to understand that.
She should love her brother. Its not about jealousy, its about her not being taught HOW to love him. Teach her how, teach her why, show her how, and then expect it out of her.
Be consistent. Just because it doesnt work the firs time, or the fifth time doesnt mean you try something new, it means you reinforce it and keep doing the same thing only amplified, and with more forethought.
2007-11-20 08:14:34 · answer #4 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She won't share a toy with her brother? Take it off of her for the rest of the day. You won't share it, you don't get to play with it. Period.
If she takes his toys away, ask her why she wants to play with baby toys? Tell her she is a big girl and is too old for baby toys, then give it back to the baby. If she takes it away again, put her in time out---again, and again, and again, until she leaves him alone. But, if she is playing nicely with him AND his toys, let it go.
Hitting and pushing a baby is a big no-no. The first time, she goes in time out. The second time, she has to go play by herself in her bedroom for 45 minutes or so, and she can't come out until she apologizes to him. After awhile she'll see it's more fun to play in the same room with you and her brother rather than by herself in her bedroom.
She'll probably always fight with her brother. It's natural! But don't feel sorry for her for acting out this way. She's 4, and she had her special baby time for 3 long years. It's her brother's turn now, and she needs to deal with it. Good luck!
2007-11-20 08:29:57 · answer #5 · answered by Jacqueline D 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't worry about - one day he WILL get even!
This happened to my youngest grand daughter and one of her older twin sisters. The one twin kept taking things away from the baby. Well, one day, out of the clear blue (I was there and saw it happen-my son and I just laughed quietly) the baby grabbed the older twin, pulled her down to the floor and began beating on her. The girl began calling for help but we did nothing because she got what she deserved. Afterwards, my son sat her down and had a long talk with her. No one ever took anything away from the baby ever again. They are 8 and twins at 10 now. The one twin vividly remembers it and the younger one does not but when it is brought up she just tells her 'that's what you get for taking my things!'.
Sibiling have their own way of taking care of problems - let them fight their own battles.
2007-11-20 08:30:10 · answer #6 · answered by David G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is not yet old enough to understand that a baby is not someone who is there to meet her needs. She needs to be taught SPECIFICALLY how to behave with him. There must be consequences for her unacceptable behaviour, BUT ALSO when she does something right she needs lots of praise and encouragement. You need to be there constantly and make sure the baby is not subject to this treatment until she is older and better behaved. Please keep your cool, you may feel angry but please behave patiently, if your behaviour is out of control what is your daughter learning from you?
2007-11-20 08:27:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi:)
When she "steals" his toys or hit him with it, give her a time out. Tell her to stop hitting. If she doesnt, tell her "you hit your brother, and you're being mean." Make her sit in a corner for 4 minutes.
But on the other end, its normal for to want to feel like somethings are completely hers. Respect that and show her that her dolls, her "big girl toys" are hers, and hers only.
But when she plays with her brother with their toys, sit with them and show them how to play together. Ask her to be nice and to share. But he has to share too;) be fair.
When they are playing well, tell them... tell them again and again!
Good luck
2007-11-20 08:14:43 · answer #8 · answered by Fannie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Totally normal. Keep up with consistent consequences. She'll get it. It takes work.
2007-11-20 08:08:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Where did she learn that behavior from? There must be some reason why she is angry about her toys being taken away or her little brother having them.
2007-11-20 08:13:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋