A friend of mine is getting married in 2 weeks. I hosted her bridal shower this past weekend. She had 35 guests in attendance excluding the rest of the bridal party (5 girls plus myself)….Anyway, she contacted me today and asked when I would be sending out the thank you cards to the guests….It has always been my impression that that is up to the bride, not the hostess. I told my friend that I would not be sending out T/Y cards, that it was up to her. She became extremely mad, yelling that she’s not the one that invited everyone (yet she gave me the list of people to be invited) She said that if I’m not going to do my part as MOH, then I’m out…Is it the hostess reasonability to send out T/Y cards? All other showers I’ve ever hosted or been to the “honorary guest” is the one that does the Thank You’s. I fear that she will boot me out of the wedding party at the last minute. What should I do?
2007-11-20 07:56:48 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I can't take on another added expence for purchasing thank you cards, and I'm really straped for time with the Holidays and wedding right around the corner...I do want to remain in the wedding party, but I don't think that it is fair for her to be upset at me becuase I don't feel right taking on something I feel is HER responsibility!
2007-11-20 07:58:54 · update #1
SHE is responsible for sending the thank you cards. Maybe you could go online and print out some wedding etiquette to show her that she is responsible. The purpose is to thank those who gave gifts for them, not just for their attendance. She is clueless. What on earth are you supposed to say? Thank you for giving Kelly a mixer, I would think she'll really get alot of use out of it??? And what about the other women in her life? Don't any of them have a clue that this is the bride's job?
2007-11-20 08:08:34 · answer #1 · answered by melouofs 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why would you send out the thank you cards to the guests? She is the one who got the gifts. And If you ask me, she needs to send you a thank you card also for being gracious enough to host a bridal shower for her. I know you care about her and want to be in the wedding still, but really, if she is going to boot you for not doing this, let her. Who knows what else she will make you do by threatening you,.
2007-11-20 20:55:51 · answer #2 · answered by sden2616 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The bride sends out the T/Y cards you just hosted it. That not right that she wants you to do that thank you cards come from the heart and since the wedding shower was thrown in her honor and the guest came for her. She should write them.
2007-11-20 08:06:04 · answer #3 · answered by HOPEFUL 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It was lovely of you to give the shower for her...for which SHE should be thanking YOU...and it is the BRIDE'S responsibility to WRITE thank-you notes...on nice stationery...not send cards. You did your part in hosting the shower and it was her part to supply you with the list of guests you requested .She needs to grow up fast and she also needs a serious crash course in ettiquette, as well. It would be very nice of you to offer to help her by addressing the envelopes, but even this is not required. Putting you out of the wedding party at this late date is a bit unheard of...but...her behavior is pretty unheard of, as well. I'd try to talk with her in a calm manner..weddings are very stressful times after all, and offer to help her in the manner already discussed. Good luck!!
2007-11-20 09:21:29 · answer #4 · answered by judithia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutely right. It is the bride's responsibility to send thank you cards. After all, the gifts were for her, not for you.
If she doesn't come to her senses and decides to "kick you out" of the wedding party, I'm very sorry. But look at it as an opportunity to attend the wedding without any responsibility! And if you had to pay for your dress, hair, etc...I'd be wanting some money back from my so-called friend.
Give her the benefit of the doubt that the stress of the upcoming wedding is getting to her. But if talking to her about the situation again doesn't clear things up...it may be best to step down.
Good luck.
2007-11-20 08:01:41 · answer #5 · answered by CountryGirl 3 · 6⤊ 0⤋
I was under the same impression you are, the bride sends the thank you cards, thats insane that she is mad at you. I know that the MOH can make sure the bride has all the addresses, and keep a list of who gave what to make it easier, but the cards should come from the one giving thanks. Its awful that she said you are out if you dont do it, if you want to stay in, it sounds like you are going to have to do it to please the bride. Good luck with this bridezilla :-)
2007-11-20 08:01:18 · answer #6 · answered by Susan F 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Wow - what a scary immature rude freak your "friend" is. The recipient of a gift writes the thank you note ... unless she is illiterate, has both hands sawed off at the wrists, or is in a coma. Did her parents not teach her anything about how well-mannered and gracious people behave?
This takes the cake. I feel bad for you -- honestly, she would be doing you a huge favor by cutting you loose from the wedding party. She is a piece of work. Do you really need that kind of toxic, ungrateful nastiness in your life?
2007-11-20 09:09:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi April:
Wow!!! What a bridezilla!!!!
SHE is the one that received the gifts....not YOU.
A thank you (as with any gift) comes FROM the person that received the gift....not the person that hosted the party!
OMG!!! I can't believe she is so clueless. How old is this girl? Time for some lessons with "Miss Manners."
DO NOT...I repeat DO NOT let her try to tell you that this is your responsibility. She will be the one looked upon badly if thank you's are not sent....certainly not you. You did your part as Maid of Honor by hosting the shower....you are done!
2007-11-20 08:21:59 · answer #8 · answered by iloveweddings 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Whoa..... she is way out of line! It's one thing to ask you for your help in sending them out it's something totally uncalled for that she is upset with you because she doesn't want to do whats right.
I would call her back and let her know that you understand that she is stressed out and you would be available to HELP her do this task. She should let you know when she has them purchased and then the two of you can set up a time to get together and do it. She being the one who has received all of these nice gifts should be writing a personal note to each of the guests thanking them for attending and thinking of her and her future husband. Too bad one of her gifts wasn't a book on etiquette!
2007-11-20 08:07:53 · answer #9 · answered by Kit 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I wrote all of my thank you cards myself for each of my showers (bridal and baby). For my bridal showers the hostess purchased thank you cards for me and then had everyone address the envelope for a raffle prize (that way I didn't have to address all the envelopes). However, it was always my responsibility to actually write the thank you notes. In fact it is rude for someone else to do it. I mean how can you thank someone for a gift they gave someone else. The gift was for the bride and it is the brides responsibility to thank the person for the gift.
I would try and explain to the bride that she is supposed to write the thank you notes as she is the one who received the gifts, and maybe offer to help her address them. I would say offer to buy the cards, but you said you are strapped for cash, so maybe ask the other bridesmaids for help purchasing the cards.
2007-11-20 08:04:05 · answer #10 · answered by randomcobweb 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋