i've been in love with my best friend for months now but because she is with someone else she basically told me the other day that we will never be together, despite the fact that she told me she liked me before she started with this guy.
i had thought that we might eventually get married and because she wants to save herself for marriage then that would be when i finally had sex
but now there is another girl who has already said she wants to have sex with me. i dont love her and i never will. and i know it sounds kinda gay but i always thought my first time would be with someone i love.
i dont know whether or not i should have sex with this other girl
i'm not very physically attractive so i may not get too many chances
your opinions would be appreciated
2007-11-20 07:52:39 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
i'm a fairly religious person and i'd like some religious opinions
thats why i ask here
2007-11-20 08:01:45 · update #1
This is Religion and Spirituality, not Singles and Dating. I think you made a wrong turn at Etiquette.
2007-11-20 08:00:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
It should absolutely matter. Sex without love is a waste of time, it will only leave you feeling empiter afterward than before. Or worse you could trick yourself into thinking you love the person (or they could come to belive they love you)afterwards which opens up a WHOLE different can of worms you don't EVEN want to know. Love is far more inportant that the physical act of sex itself. Despite the fact that the terms love and sex are so often erroneously used interchangably that they are often confused one with another, you have to keep in mind that they are simply separate aspects of a greater whole and that either one of them without the other is only a portion of it.
From a spiritual standpoint, the idea of sex without love is just unfair to one or both parties and in truth usually does more harm than good.
There are things that are more important than physical attractiveness. Sensativity, loyalty, honesty, humor those things will remain long after looks. Cultivate who you are, understand who you are and BE who you are, that will make it much more likely that you will find love than just looking good.
If you're not in it for love, get out of there.
2007-11-20 08:23:01 · answer #2 · answered by kveldulf_gondlir 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should save yourself for the one you love. Sexuality is more than just physical. It may feel good at the time, but you know you would be using this girl since you will never love her. Then add to that...what if she got pregnant...then what? You'd marry someone you don't love or at least be connected to that person forever through a child neither of you planned to have.
God gave us sexuality as a gift. It's to be an expression of our love for each other and to mirror the love Christ has for his church and vice versa. Do not cheapen this by acting out of desperation or by rebounding into the arms of someone you don't really care for. Saving yourself for your true love and spouse is ultimately a better choice.
Pray and ask God to show you his will. There is someone special for you and you will find her. Have patience. It may still be this girl you love...things can change and if you go and have sex with this other girl you will most likely regret it one day.
2007-11-20 07:59:19 · answer #3 · answered by Misty 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Who cares if you never get the chance to have sex again? Is it something that will forever change your life, make you feel whole inside, give you lasting happiness? Or will it just be a quick amount of temporary joy that will only haunt you for the rest of your life? Being a guy makes the decision a bit easier since there is no physical change that happens when a guy 'loses' his virginity, but it will change what happens to you emotionally and spiritually. Why cheapen yourself and your value by saying that you aren't physically attractive? If you look at things like that then no one will want to have anything meaningfull with you. Look at your best friend, she was interested in you. Instead of trying to forget what you think you have lost with her, try to talk with her alone sometime about what you feel for her and if she feels anything for you. If she honestly does, like she said she did then what she told you about never being with you will have been a childish mistake, or an emotional response more than a realistic one. More and likely she likes you just as much as you like her, and a lot more than this new guy who probably isn't what she really wants or is looking for. A lot of times girls get blinded by having a guy who says the right things to get into her pants that she accepts the fact that he might be lying as an annoying voice in their head that is just trying to ruin her life. Well you need to be that annoyance and get her to open her eyes as to what she is missing out on if she doesn't go with her emotions and picks a real relationship. Then again if you are having such a strong argument about whether or not to have sex with this girl and are seriously pondering it, perhaps you aren't the kind of guy you make yourself out to sound like. A guy who cares more about relationships and marriage than having pleasure from sex. Try looking at yourself for a while, talk with God about it, then talk with your friend about it. It'll make more sense if you do.
2007-11-20 08:09:21 · answer #4 · answered by sir_richard_the_third333333333 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You're a Trevor. You should be ashamed of yourself for getting all emotionally romantic over a friend who is with someone else. Try being a real friend and getting your emotions under control. If you cannot do that, try being a man and walking away out of respect for her as a friend.
Anyone who sits around waiting for a friend to get out of a relationship so they can have a chance is not a friend at all. You are a slimey disgusting predator who goes after people during times of weakness and emotional instability. I hope her boyfriend gets jealous and kicks you in the balls really really hard.
2007-11-20 08:02:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hold out for love. When you are with the right person you don't want to have memories of the wrong person popping up in your mind.
Also, sex is better when it is for love. There is so much less worry about pregnancy, about the future of the relationship, ect... Having casual sex before love lacks the special connectedness and intimacy that sex in marriage has.
2007-11-20 08:02:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
The Bible gives us the command to not have sex unless we are married to the person.
So don't have sex unless you are married. Keep your eyes open in case you fall in love with someone else in the future.
Put God and Jesus first in your life. Not any person. Jesus even told us not to get married unless we can not control our need for sex. To Keep God and him first.
2007-11-20 08:10:31 · answer #7 · answered by geessewereabove 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm with the Wait crowd. Sex can be really cool but believe me it is MUCH cooler when you share it with someone you love. That's worth waiting for, imho.
2007-11-20 08:03:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Why would wanting to have sex with somebody you love sound "kinda Gay". You sound rather impish and adolescent..
2007-11-20 08:05:41 · answer #9 · answered by Shawn B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should "waste" your first experience with someone you don't really have any feelings for...
It is sooooooo MUCH MORE EXCITING when you are "with" someone you love and/or have the "hots" for..... just my own humble opinion....
In the meantime, while you are making your decision about what to do.... why not watch this video... you may find the answer lies within:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0zgQAp7EYw
: ) Good luck...............
: )
2007-11-20 08:02:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋