My husband comes from a big family and EVERY year since I've known him we ALWAYS have to go to his mother's house. He's one out of 7 kids, so you could just imagine the crowd in her little tiny house. I try and get out of it every year but it doesn't work and we end up fighting about it. We have two children and I wouldn't mind if he took the kids. Ok the real anger probably comes from him never agreeing to spend Christmas with my parents, my dad passed away not too long ago and so here I am not with NEVER being able to spend time with both of my parents. The last Christmas my dad was alive, I tried to compromise with him, I said let's split our time between both families, he refused. It was my dad's last Christmas on this earth (although none of us knew it), I had just became a new mom. I come from a small family and although we celebrated Christmas it was not based on gift giving, which is exactly what Christmas is like in his mother's house. I don't want to go this year.
2007-11-20 07:41:44 · 24 answers · asked by Yasmina 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You should stay home with your children, and if you want, have family come to your house..it's so much easier we found after years of traveling..
2007-11-20 07:44:50 · answer #1 · answered by madsmaha1 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
OH! How I understand what you're feeling! I, too, came from a small family, just my daddy, aunt and uncle, and grandmother. Everyone else was gone on. And every Christmas my husband insisted the time be spent with his big, boisterous family. I loved them but I always felt bad to never be able to be with my family on holidays. I can tell you that complaining and arguing does NOT work! Finally, the year I thought it would be the last year our boys would be looking for Santa, I set my foot down. I would go, I said, any other day and for as long as he wanted, but on Christmas Day, I wanted to have the kids find what Santa brought JUST ONE TIME when they got out of their beds in their own home!! And I wanted to cook the dinner. So we did. And that very night, my husband asked for a divorce! I was blindsided. In our thirteen years, we hadn't even argued more than three or four times. We both had good teaching jobs; our kids were beautiful; we owned our dream home in the country. And within a year, we had a divorce.
2007-11-20 08:06:10 · answer #2 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry that you didn't get to spend your father's last Christmas at his side. You must be very hurt and feel like he put his feelings and family above yours.
I think that this issue is about more than where to spend Christmas. You and your hubby need to sit down and talk. It is not fair that he not consider what matters to you.
I suspect that this issue overlaps into other important issues in your marriage as well, and if you continue to ignore this issues in several years you will be fighting all the time.
You need to work on this. Let him take the kids to his mom's for Christmas and go spend time with your Mom. She probably is lonely. I would make it clear to him that this is important to you.
I am sure that he will come to understand.
2007-11-20 07:56:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not spend Christmas at your house this year?That way BOTH sides can be there for the kids.If he still doesn't respond to that,try having Christmas at your mom's a day or two later.Or better yet,New Year's Eve.Not only will the kids have that something extra to look forward to when they start getting bored with Christmas break,things are still magical enough from the holidays that it still feels like christmas.I had the exact same problem with my first husband,and his excuse was always because his birthday was christmas eve.Mom's was christmas day,and we felt guilty making her cook on her birthday.So we start the new year's eve tradition.Everyone had a problem with it at first,but now that mom is gone,my kids still look forward to their extended holiday.
2007-11-20 08:06:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Christmas is on the worst time of the 365 days. it relatively is wet or snowy outdoors and chilly. I injury very undesirable immediately of the 365 days which places all people in a down temper. I surely have not had to handle melancholy because i grew to become right into a teenager many moons in the past.. it relatively is the reason Christmas isn't the desirable time of the 365 days for me...properly that may no longer the entire fact...My father died immediately of the 365 days as properly, he did no longer even get to open his Christmas provides. He fell asleep and under no circumstances wakened.
2016-09-29 21:46:05 · answer #5 · answered by wrights 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm disappointed to hear your husband isn't willing to budge on this.
If spending time with your family at Christmas is important, and you haven't been doing that, well it sounds like time to go spend time with your family. Will there be repercussions? I suspect there will. Every choice has consequences.
And, I'm sorry to hear your father passed away and you didn't get to spend that holiday season with him beforehand. However, let that one go. It's in the past. What you have to work with is right now, this year. If you harbor resentment it will just poison the present.
So - muster your courage and make plans to visit your family. I urge you to contact your husband's mother and let her know what you're up to; that you want to spend this Christmas with your own mother. Send gifts, contribute to the food, be helpful.
And then stand your ground. If he gets nasty, don't hit back. Just ask him if that's how he really wants to be with you, and stick to that.
2007-11-20 07:53:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry. It sounds as if your husband's abusive. I'm not saying he beats you, but disregarding your feelings and controlling where you will be for the holidays is abuse. I have the feeling that his control and insensitivity issues extend well beyond the holidays.
I strongly suggest you get some marriage counseling. He needs to see that you are hurting and your feelings need to be valued. If he won't go with you for counseling, then go alone. They can help you find a way to help him understand your needs. If he won't budge or gets nasty, perhaps it's time to rethink your future with him, because things will only get worse from there.
This year, put your foot down and visit your mom. Your husband can come with you or see his family without you. Life is too short to bite the bullet and have crappy Christimases.
2007-11-20 07:53:49 · answer #7 · answered by thezaylady 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry, but I take his side on this one. You are being selfish. You can celebrate with your mom on Christmas Eve or another day. You are ruining Christmas for him, and he isn't going to change. Things like this can ruin a marriage. Compromise is hard, but it can be done. For example, we are celebrating with our immediate family on Saturday, December 22, with my extended family on Christmas Eve and his family on Christmas Day. I will smile, cook, and clean. I will treat his family with the utmost respect and sigh when it is over. He has never ask me to give his family Christmas Day, but his family is from out of state, and have to travel. My family can meet anytime and make it Christmas. My daughter loves having three celebrations as well.
Love your hubby, marriage is precious.
2007-11-20 08:16:05 · answer #8 · answered by mel s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remind him that because your mother is alone now, and because your family is small that they need you more than ever at the holidays. You can offer to split it up, but tell him that it would make you happier if he could be there with you, too.
It may be that he doesn't know how important the holiday is to you, and how unfair he is being. Maybe he doesn't get to see all his brothers and sisters under one roof except at Christmas, and this is all he can see.
He may surprise you, if you can bring up the topic with love.
Good luck, and Merry Christmas.
2007-11-20 07:58:12 · answer #9 · answered by AmericanDreamer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is all about compromise, and your husband seems to have forgotten that. Tell him in no uncertain terms you're going to see your family, and that you like to spend the holiday with him, but your family has become more important to you than ever since your dad's death and you want to be with them.
Then follow up on what you said. Whether he goes or not, GO see your family.
2007-11-20 07:46:25 · answer #10 · answered by misguidedrose18 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your husband does not truly understand what Christmas is about. A time for giving, sharing and including peace on earth that starts with his own home.
Sounds like your in a catch 22 with him and no visible way out for you other than convince him of his error.
2007-11-20 07:53:55 · answer #11 · answered by labdoctor 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋