We've been together for a couple of years, and he comes out and says he's not in love with me. He does say he cares about me though, and isn't breaking up with me because of it. Is it necessarily bad? What do you think?
2007-11-20 07:17:31 · 32 answers · asked by jade 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Yea its bad, hes starting to think of you as a friend, and he doesn't want to break up wiht you because he wants to stay friends. at least thats what it sounds like to me.
2007-11-20 07:21:28 · answer #1 · answered by your_gurl_leah 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's funny that you ask this. My boyfriend of 4 1/2 years basically told me the same thing at one point. They wont necessarily leave you because they aren't "in love" anymore. @ one point you might feel the same about him, you might just lose feelings for him and not on purpose but because time makes it work that way. He wont leave you yet, because he's just so used to you ways, he's used to being with you and wouldnt want to start something new with someone new after everything you guys have shared and been thru.
But, because things change his feelings change. So you have to try and changes things up a bit and act more like a lover so he wont find the need to find one, or show more or less concern towards him. Try and do the opposite of wut ur doing now. I dont mean drastcally but just enough for him to notice so that it can make a difference in the relationship. Dont always be readily available, make him want you. Or the opposite if the case is ur never around, try and be around more. Just turn things around; dont keep smothering him or dont leave him unattended. It's one or the other depending on you.
2007-11-20 07:27:22 · answer #2 · answered by GG 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't see himself marrying you, and he is hoping that you will break up with him if he lets you know these things. I think after two years you should know if you love the person or not, and that you are just wasting your time..... he knows it, he just doesn't want to hurt you after all you've put into the relationship. You must be a pretty special person with a lot to offer if he has to break it to you like this. You need to move on, I know you're comfortable with this person and he's all you know, but honestly, you deserve to be with someone who can love you just as much as you love them....... Good luck, there is someone better suited out there for you, you'll only find him if you can let go of this.
Edit: I meant to give Allison a thumbs up, not a thumbs down... she made some good points. Sorry!
2007-11-20 07:24:42 · answer #3 · answered by Betty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this question is a double edged sword. Any answer may hurt you or him. He may be say that he is not in love with you because he is affraid of letting you get too close to him, and if that is the case sit down and talk through the matter and let him know that no matter what you are not going anywhere.
As for your question about if it is bad I would have to say yes and no because of the fact if it is true then he is being honest with you and that is the start of everything love is about.
2007-11-20 07:26:37 · answer #4 · answered by bahl2006 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to guess the relationship has been mostly based on sex. That lasts about two years before the hormones wear off from that initial chemestry. If you are going to stay in a relationship past the two year mark once it begins to include sex, then you are going to have to work on the relationship. He may or may not be willing to do this, you may or may not be willing to do this. Talk to a couple who has been married for a reasonable length of time (10 years or more) and take notes on what they have done.
2007-11-20 07:22:50 · answer #5 · answered by jennysmith0214 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he doesn't take your relationship serious. He isn't breaking up with you because he cares about you? Just tell him that you already have your Mom and your Dad to "care about you". You cannot force him to love you of course, but I would think 2 years is a long time.....at least by today's standards. And if you're having sex, is that out of "caring" or just getting laid? Sorry to put it in those words sweetie, but I would expect more out of a guy by now.
But I will give him one thing, he is being honest.
2007-11-20 07:25:14 · answer #6 · answered by texicangirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends, how do you feel about him? Are you content to be with someone that doesn't love you? While I do believe that Friendship is the most important part of a relationship, I think the love should be there as well. Otherwise, you are just settling. I don't think it is fair for him to expect you to love him and be a loyal committed girlfriend if he can not offer you the same in return.
2007-11-20 07:23:18 · answer #7 · answered by piphop 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can not be with someone because he simply cares for you. Love is what gets you through the tough stuff, not caring. Sorry it sounds like he just needs a crutch so he does not have to find someone else. You deserve to be with someone that loves you, and this love means not being able to be with out each other, and it sounds as though he could be without you, maybe he just does not ahve anywhere else to go. Hopw all works out with you and your situation
2007-11-20 07:21:51 · answer #8 · answered by Kim M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't say how old you are. That makes a difference. If you are in your 40's and feel the same way he does, then stay and enjoy the companionship.
If you are 20 or 30 and want more than just a comfortable, secure relationship, then get out.
Who knows, maybe once a realizes he has lost you, he might miss you and realize he does love you. Maybe he just doesn't know what love is.
Like they say "You don't know what you've got til it's gone"
2007-11-20 07:32:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If I was in that situation, I don't think I'd stay around (if I'm in love with him). If it's long term, I'd be thinking about marriage, and I can't marry someone who doesn't love me. Caring about me isn't necessarily the same thing.
But you need to follow your heart.
2007-11-20 07:20:43 · answer #10 · answered by xK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I Think it's great. Now you know how he really feels. If you want more, tell him it's been fun, but you're looking for a relationship with real substance, since every day is your future
Do not be angry, with the truth. Thank God you found out before you invested anymore wasted time on him. Wish him well, and do not accept any 'booty calls' from him 'for old time sake'
2007-11-20 07:30:54 · answer #11 · answered by angels_angelsarehere 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋