Secret Santa/ Thanksgiving Etiquette?

Question

I'll keep it short:

In the past, my husband and I have alternated Thanksgivings. One year with my family, next year with his, etc. Since this is our first holiday in our new house, we thought we would throw a nice, big Thanksigiving dinner.

The party includes around 20 guests, half being from my side and half from my husband's side.

My husband's side always does a Secret Santa gift giving for Christmas, and names are traditionally drawn at Thanksgiving. It's JUST that side of the family; they aren't very gung-ho about opening it up to my side of the family.

That's fine. I can respect that.

My question: They want to draw names at Thanksgiving, but my family will also be there. Should we ahead and draw the names, leaving out my side, or attempt to draw names in a different location, which may or may not be able to work out?

Answer 1

Have a location in the house, apart of the festivities, for his folks to drop by, and draw a name out of a bowl. Let them know as they come in where it is located. This shouldn't make your side feel left out, nor obligated. I do take it that this is just for the "getting" of the names, NOT the giving of the gifts. That the gifts will be given later, and seperately. Otherwise, don't do it the same day, OR have his folk show up 1 hour - 30 min early.

I commend you on trying to get both sides together! Be blessed.

Answer 2

You can call your husbands family into a seperate room for the drawing. Let your family know that this is how his family handles Christmas gift giving. Suggest that if they want to try it that they do so, but only with your side of the family. Otherwise serve some extra finger foods or snacks to your family while his family is having the drawing. Or you could have a game that your family could do during this time. Another option is that have his families names already written and in the "hat". Let them draw the name as they are leaving the get together.

Answer 3

I think the Secret Santa is the way to go. Buying everyone a present is too expensive. I wouldn't get presents for the 4 girls who didn't want to participate in the Secret Santa exchange. They are actually being rude, when you think about it. The majority voted to do Secret Santa and these 4 don't want to do what the majority want, but what THEY want, even though it puts the rest of you in a bind. If one of the 4 gives you a gift, just politely say thank you and tell her that you are just participating in the Secret Santa this year. If those 4 see the rest of you aren't going to be manipulated into doing what they want, they will probably give in next year. Another option is to just not exchange gifts with any of the 10 girls, which is what I'd be tempted to do. A gift for one or two of your very closest friends is plenty.

Answer 4

No. Drawing names like that in front of a group of other people,in this case your family, makes people feel left out. Certainly, there must be a better way to handle name drawing for secret santa, without flunting it that your side isn't invited. Either include them or exchange names a different day when its just the people involved. Anything else is plain rude.There is no excuse for "maybe it won't work out" cause its hard to get everyone together at once. If its important they'll show up...or get the name that is left. E-mail those people, or call them to let them know who they are gifting.

I hope it all works out for you, and in the end, its just ONE DAY of the year...don't stress!

Answer 5

Here is a thought - Your house your rules - remember when your parents said it and I am sure hubby's did too. This is a good way to start fresh traditions that include the whole group - have every one exchange names or how about letting the adults choose a card from a "giving tree" at the mall and provide a gift for a needy child instead of a family member. Shake things up a bit and remind everyone you are all family now. Good Luck!

Answer 6

I don't see why your family would be offended by somethigng that is traditionally done in your husband's family. If you don't make a big production out of it, I don't see why they'd mind. I know that if I were in the same position, I'd just make sure my family knew ahead of time that my hub's family would be doing this so they wouldn't be confused.

Now, if the families are going to be together again on Christmas, that might sticky things up. But, my guess is that you do things seperately.

Also, I doubt your family would be disappointed about not havign to buy Christmas gifts for a bunch of people they hardly know.

Answer 7

Either include them, or do it elsewhere, or redesign the game.

Ask Amy had some interesting 'twists' on the Secret Santa Game which you may want to incorporate as a way to include new relatives who are not readily known to all. This of course depends on the number of new family members at the event.

One family bought Gift Cards (with a price limit) and put them all in a bowl. Names were drawn and the cards chosen from teh jar, or from one of those already taken. (A person who looses their card in this manner, chooses another from the jar.) Fun to play, easy to get and a nice way to include all who are present.

Answer 8

Put it to your family if they want to have a secret Santa on Thanksgiving and if they do, have two draws simultaneously. Their side and your side. That way it involves everybody and is a good icebreaker for both families to get to know each other.

Answer 9

how about starting the tradition with your family - or just doing it this year for fun - i mean, his family would draw for his family as usual, and then your family would draw for your family. if you don't want to make it a big gift because this is out of the norm for your family, make it a gag gift, that way it can be from a $1 store or resale shop or something. run it by a few members of your family and see what they say.

Answer 10

It would be rude to draw names and leave your side out. Do it sometime.somewhere else.