We broke up a couple months ago and I only got back together with him because then he said that after 5 years he is willing to get married and have children. He never gave me a ring and about a month after we got back together then we fought because he still hadnt gotten me the ring and I felt like he was just saying that. And he said what do you need it right away right now then lets go. And he yelled that so I didnt want it then. We have plans to go to Las Vegas and get married in Feburary or March after we both get our taxes back, but what do I do unitl then? Just say nothing about it, or about him not getting the ring? Do I stop making the plans to go if I dont even have the ring saying that its for sure? I dont want to hound him for it I really do just want him to purpose because he really is in love and wants me as his wife and not because I keep yelling about it. So should I just shut-up and wait even though I keep getting mad and hurt about it?
2007-11-20 04:20:00 · 11 answers · asked by juniper555 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Honey....been there, done that. Am doing it right now as a matter of fact. Only, quite honestly, I'd never make it 5 years. I made it with my previous boyfriend 2 1/2 years (understand, we were both in our 40's and I'd already had three kids - we weren't first-timers and it doesn't take that long to figure out if it's really headed any where or not).
That was 8 years ago and I'm now dating and living with a new man. This time, it's been over a year. Again, not our first time around the block. I do believe we will get married. I believe he's already bought the ring and is waiting to give it to me. I've made sure from the beginning that he understands I'm not the live-in girlfriend type. I can do it for a while, but I believe in marriage. I always gave him the option to back off and we'd stop dating. I will not give him any ultimatums because I don't want anyone to marry me if they don't want to.
Now, having said that, I have kept my mouth shut for quite some time. We only talk about it when he brings it up. I have no desire to pressure him. But, I have set a date in my mind. If it hasn't happened by that date, I have to leave. I'm not trying to be difficult. I'm just not willing to play the live-in girlfriend for the rest of my life. He did that with his ex who he had a child with. They were together for 12 years. We're now raising the child and if I'm going to be in it to that degree, then we need to be married.
If I were you, I'd set a date in your mind and I'd completely back off from him. It is ok for you to have boundaries and to decide how long you'll wait. But if you hit that date and it hasn't happened, it's also ok for you to do what you need to do for yourself. Some men never get there and that's ok. It is their choice. In the meantime, stop worrying about a ring. People put way too much emphasis on all that stuff. In the end, it's about the choice you're making in the person you're marrying and the fact that you love him. The ring is merely a symbol to the outside world that you're not available. I hope that helps.....
2007-11-20 04:42:35 · answer #1 · answered by Holly 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sadly people put too much emphasis on the wedding and the jewelry. If you are waiting for tax returns, then finacially he may not be capable of buying you a ring right now. I think by focusing and fighting over a piece of jewelry, your forgetting that getting married isn't about the ceremony... it's what happens after the wedding.
Sorry to be rude and harsh in this next statement: by acting childish about a material object, your setting a standard for your relationship. Before you can have a healthy relationship, you need to reevaluate what you want out of the relationship. If it's companionship, love, children. Then just forget about the ring. If you want material objects, you will only be disappointed to find out that most marriages fight over finances and end in divorice.
2007-11-20 04:27:15 · answer #2 · answered by west 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if you gave him an ultimatum and he backed down but is stalling. If both people don't truly want to make a committment, then what hope is there for having a successful relationship? If you do manage to "drag" him to the alter, expect that he may resent it, and you probably aren't going to feel good about it either.
Maybe he is the type that finds it hard to really settle down, there could be many reasons for this.
You have to decide what is in your best interests. If you really want to be married and have a family, you might just talk to him about your feelings. Pose your comments as if you have the problem, try not to be critical. Depending on his answers, you may choose to have a cooling off period during which time you see him less and re-evaluate where the relationship is going.
2007-11-20 04:28:43 · answer #3 · answered by ScSpec 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Either shut up and wait or rush out the door. If he isn't ready you cant make him. Don't force him to give you a ring because in the end there will be a bit of resentment on his part towards you. In time it will happen maybe not from him but it will happen. We as women have to be comfortable with ourselves first before we are ready to say yes to the first man who wants to spend the rest of his life with us. Just think about it if he cant commit to buying a ring what do you think that will say about the rest of your relationship?
2007-11-20 04:25:58 · answer #4 · answered by stcarter79 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have to drag him down the aisle, do you really want him. Wouldn't you rather marry someone who wants to marry you?
Stop and think about what it is you really, really want. Yes, I know you want to be married to him. He knows you want to be married to him. Everybody on this site and in your life knows you want to be married to him. But what if you can't have both marriage and him? Do you want to be married or do you want him. Which is more important to you? Do you want children? Are you willing to have children without being married? Only you can answer these questions and decide what is right for you. If his solution isn't what you would want and you really don't want to live life that way, then accept that he is not the man for you and don't waste any more time on him.
My friend B was in a similar situation. She wanted to get married, but her man has a hang up about marriage (he's been married twice-no kids). After a great deal of soul searching and talking, she decided that she wanted him in her life more than she wanted to get married. They are still together and have been for 15 years. The compromise was he wants children, but she won't have them if they aren't married. Since he refuses to marry her, they won't have children.
There are trade offs in life, and while it is possible to have everything you want, usually it's not possible to have everything you want all at once.
Good Luck.
2007-11-20 04:44:19 · answer #5 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So what do you want? A ring or the man? I've had 2 men try to present me with rings they bought for other women. I actually did marry a third, and wound up having to pay for rings he had bought for his first wife. Face it girl, men are tightwads with no idea of what women want or need. When they're acting this way, it's lust, not love.
2007-11-20 04:28:03 · answer #6 · answered by Little Lulu 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would bring up some hints like going to the mall and go to the ring department saying like this ring is perfect ifonly I could have it or If only someone will get down on one knee and give it to me.
2007-11-20 04:23:38 · answer #7 · answered by TAYLOR C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my opinion don't push him into marrying you...
and if he does not propose until feb or march leave him!
u r beautiful and u wil get another man
2007-11-20 04:24:44 · answer #8 · answered by Just another gal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he just doesn't have enough money to buy it or get one that suits you perfectly. This is just my opinion . I'm not a marriage expert
2007-11-20 04:25:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes just give him time he probably wants to make sure he does it perfct or something.Just quit hounding him.
2007-11-20 04:24:20 · answer #10 · answered by stephani 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋