I am very confused about my relationship.?

Question

I've been with her for over a year, but since I've moved away for college, she has taken on a lot of responsibilities (job, a couple sports, babysitting, paper route). However, while I'm gone away during the week, I only have a very short time during the day when I can talk to her because she is always busy. We don't talk much at all during the week. This bothers me, and it bothers me that it doesn't bother her.
She is also busy a lot on weekends, and is often sick, so even when I'm with her I usually have to suck it up. I'm also discouraged by the lack of spontaneity (ie; she never texts me just to say something cute. She says she loves me before the end of a phone convo, but that's it). I've let her know I am not currently happy, but I'm sticking it out because I am hoping it will eventually get better, in the long run.

Am I being whiney? I need words of encouragement.

By the way, there is NOT a third person involved, so there is no need to suggest it. Trust is not the issue

Answer 1

In the first place, you talk a lot about the things she's NOT doing, and not at all about the things you ARE doing. Do you do things spontaneously for her? Do you take time out of your life for her? Do you care for her when she's sick? If you ignore her, she's going to ignore you. If you are doing all those things, well, maybe she's getting ready to move on. You can't build a relationship on how you wish someone would act.

Answer 2

You are not being whiney. You are doing what most people should and that is being honest with your girlfriend. If your girlfriend don't know you have a problem than she don't know any better to fix it. That's why it is very important that you keep up with the great communication. Have you spilled it all to her as far as what you've told us. Because it is very important that she understands the issues that you have so she can begin to work on them. The problem with lack of communication is it allows for people to assume. So if you weren't honest in telling her you were unhappy she could only assume why. And we all have the tendency to assume the worst because if it weren't that bad they would have told us. So you're on the right track. I think it is great that you can be so honest as most aren't. This tells me that you are mature enough to create a happy healthy relationship. The key to a successful marriage/relationship is being able to work out the massive amount of problems it will face. Nothing will ever be perfect but we can create that perfect atmosphere in which we're able co-exist. That's only through honesty and communication. As far as your girlfriends behavoir talk to her and ask if there is anything you can do to help. More than likely life is just getting to her as she sounds possibly overwhelmed with everything coming at her. This could even possibly explain her health issues as she's running herself ragged. Keep up the communication and be brutally honest as she deserves a chance to make things better. Always remember that neither of you can read eachothers mind. Good Luck & God Bless!

Answer 3

Talk to her about your feelings and tell her that you need to speak with her a few times per week if possible, phrase it so that she thinks it is you that has a "problem" so to speak, don't be critical of the fact that she doesn't communicate enough. If she does care about your needs she will respond as much as she can.

If you still feel neglected, reflect on what it is that you do like about her. Think about the good times that you have together and the personality traits she has that attracted you. Some people are not very spontaneous and more inwardly directed, so you just need to decide if you can have a deep relationship with that type of person.

Answer 4

Well, it sounds like maybe you have too much time on your hands. Maybe you two are just on two different levels right now. Perhaps you need to reevaluate your relationship. If you need more of her time, and she doesn't have it, you need to decide if you are willing to live unhappy until things get better, or if you need to move on until the time is right. You should probably talk about it and come up with a comprimise. If you decide your relationship is important enough to stick it out, then you shoud come up with a plan that will allow both of you the time you need to do what need to be done and to spend time together. If you are not able to do that you should consider an alternate solution.

Answer 5

You are not being whiney.You didn't say how old you both are. Are you 18 and she is younger or the same age? What was your discussions about when you were planning to go away to school? Was she feeling left behind and afraid of losing you? If this is the case, she may be feeling great loss and the way she is dealing with it is "to busy up". She may be trying to distance herself because she is feeling grief, or she may be facing the realities of a long distance relationship and is thinking you will find someone new.

Answer 6

As big of an a**hole as my ex bf is...he's right when he says, "you need to live and worry about your own life first" and that's my advice to you. I don't think that she's ignoring you or anything, and she probably does miss you when you're not together. But she obviously has other priorities in her life as well and you need to accept it. If you can't, and your needs aren't being met, talk to her about it. If no compromise can be made, then you need to leave. You need to do what makes you happy. Period.

Answer 7

You should tell her how you are feeling and that you would like her to say something cute and to spend time with you. Thats what a relationship is all about. If she is not capable of it, for whatever reason, you will have to put up with it and decide that she is not the one for you.

Answer 8

no. you8 want your girlfriend to be more compassionate. you have needs too, your not expected to just sit back and do nothing. talk about it with her