I've been with this guy on and off for about 9 months now. A portion of that he was deployed to Iraq, while he was there I was faithful, sent care packages, letters, pictures, food, everything he asked for, went without sleep sometimes just to talk to him when he would call at 3 am. Now that he's home we've broken up 5 times, yet everytime he comes back he cries tells me he can't live without me and how stupid he is for letting me go. I don't know why he does this, the whole time we've been together we've never slept together because I'm afraid he'll leave again. He tells me he wants to raise my daughter as his own and get married and blah blah blah, then disappears for a month. He's had several people tell him not to be with me because I am a single mother, including his father...What the hell is going on with him? What can I do to get him to stay with me or stay gone for good? Please help!!!!
2007-11-20 03:30:54 · 33 answers · asked by RED 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Break up for good.
This guy doesn't want to be with you. He comes back out of desperation.
If you want him to stay gone for good, it's quite easy. Ignore him.
2007-11-20 03:32:51 · answer #1 · answered by guess 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well for one,
He definitely has no decision making capability, He seem to be easily swayed by what other people tell him.
I think single mothers are best people to date, since they are more serious and are looking for a real relationship and not out there for something meaningless or just to pass time or to get a free movie and a dinner or something like that. Also, I have learned, read single mothers are generally more loving, caring and nurturing.
Having said that, I think you should dump him.
#1. You don't want the drama that happens in highschool
#2. He seems very immature and unable to make a decision
#3. Come on anything more than three strikes, you are telling him, you are going to be around whenever he comes back.
#4. Why is he even telling you what other people tell him about you, thats basic etiquette not to gossip.
2007-11-20 03:41:01 · answer #2 · answered by whizinthevalley 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've probably read about the number of returning veterans who suffer from mental/emotional problems as a result of their experiences over there. It sounds as if your guy is one such. His disappearances may also be connected to a drinking problem, which in turn may stem from his Iraq experiences. Try to get him to see some kind of counselor. The next time he leaves and comes back would be a good time to present the idea. If you love him, stand by him at least until you 're sure it's hopeless. Doing so might also bring around those people who tell him you're not right for him.
2007-11-20 03:45:55 · answer #3 · answered by aida 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok.....
point number one:- If he was stationed i iraq, i am thinking that he has a bit more about him than to listen to the opinions of others.
Point number two:- I'm also imagining that his head is probably a bit mashed and he doesn't know what he wants. This doesn't help you i know, but maybe you should think about sitting him down and saying to him that it has to go one way or the other and that he cant play with you or your daughters feelings. Yes, he can have a certain amount of indecisiveness but at the end of the day he isnt the only person to have gone to war. The fight to have a good life and to make sure that those you care about are safe and well is a bigger fight than any war. ONE WAY OR THE OTHER..... is what you have to tell him.
2007-11-20 03:39:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you answered it.
He is torn between his emotions - if he's literally crying over you, there's no question he's emotional. The only questions are whether he's devoted and mature.
His devotion seems to be compromised by what his freinds and family say about being with single moms.
His maturity seems a bit shaky if he cries all the time - but who am i to judge a soldier. He's probably seen a lot more crazy stuff that I ever have.
Well, that's my two cents.
Until he can make up his mind for himself, and either listen to his heart or his daddy, you may suffer this yoyo effect. The ultimate choice of course is YOURS. You can make it stop any time you want to.
2007-11-20 03:36:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry it sounds like you have it really rough. I am in a similar situation except my BO won't be back for nine more months. I would tell him either stick around or hit the dusty trail and don't let the door hit you on the way out. Also if he did stay could you get over all the times he'd left previously or would they haunt you forever? something to consider. Good luck
2007-11-20 03:41:11 · answer #6 · answered by chillin in the U.P. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like there are some things going on from being deployed. maybe coming back into a relationship situation is not what he needed and he's trying to deal with that on top of seeing all the devastation in iraq. being involved with a military man takes great courage because they go through things that we would never imagine in our wildest fantasies and they come home and walk around like nothing has happened and we throw them big parades. all the while they've never dealt with killing enemies and losing friends. so be careful on how you broach the subject. suggest you two take it slow or even take a break. maybe counseling.
2007-11-20 03:36:43 · answer #7 · answered by *~*Jon-Jon's Mommy!!*~* 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to muscle up the courage once and for all and let this guy knows what you are about. But befor you do that, you need to honestly take some time, analyse the situation and decide whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with this guy who seems not to know who or what he wants. Girl, you have to be firm about what you can deal with, do you wish to live with someone who walks in and out of your life as he chooses, on his own record, just as he pleases? Hell no!!! Yes you may love him but its selfish to step in and out of your world as he pleases, but he does it because he knows that at all times u welcome him back with open arms. Both of you need time apart to decide where u go from now on, let him know that either he stays or go and that if he goes again, be it known that he is gone for GOOD. Life is too short, don't waste it, enjoy every moment.
2007-11-20 03:39:38 · answer #8 · answered by nadsbaby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hello,,sounds like an immature vet with some explaining to do. Perhaps you just wasted some of your life thinking the best was to come , only to have the aftermath of being a G.I Joe fall into your lap. Move on and don't waste any more time, he could be going through this mental wrath for a long time.
2007-11-20 03:36:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Cut every tie you have with him. Don't call him, answer his phone calls, answer the door if you see him coming. If you have to, get a restraining order on him for harassment. It's not good for your daughter to have someone coming in and out of her life like that. She needs stability, i don't know how old she is, or what the father situation is, but i know from personal experience, that no matter what the age, she needs the stability. It's going to be hard, it sounds like you love him... but do you really want to be with someone who is so insecure about himself that he can't stay with you for any length of time? Stop communicating with him all together, in the long run, it's going to be his loss.
good luck
ps. most guys suck... but i think you already knew that.
2007-11-20 03:37:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is called cold feet. He loves you most likely but is afraid to take responsibility for anything. He was in Iraq for awhile so that made him crack a little, but it's something you can only overcome if you talk with him and a counselor. No one at Yahoo! Answers is better suited to help other than those who are professionals
2007-11-20 03:37:03 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋