can the trust in a relationship ever been rebuilt once it has been destroyed?

Question

I've been with my boyfriend for three years, but for the first year and a half he was unfaithful. We broke up and then decided we wanted to try and make it work, but i'm afraid i'll never be able to trust him again. I do believe that he wants to make it work with me and that he understands that if he cheats again then i'm gone, but i'm still finding it hard to forget the past. It's been 6 months since we got back together and i'm still just as scared that he'll relapse and cheat again. I know he's gonna get sick of having to re-assure me, but am i ever gona be able to trust him again?
Just for the record I find it very hard to trust people anyway.

Answer 1

I have major trust issues myself. And I've learned from past experiences that once trust is lost in a relationship, then the relationship is basically done.. I've done the same as you and forgave my past boyfriend and tried to put the past behind me but the whole time we were together, I was a nag.. I wanted to know where he was at, where he was going, who he talks to on the phone, who calls him and how did they get the number. I made him change his # several times to prove to me he wanted to be with me. But all the while, I was driving myself crazy, literally!! The trust was depleted and I just couldn't gain it back.. Even with all the effort he put into showing me he really wanted to be with me... If you love someone, you don't go and cheat on them. And if you do slip up and cheat when you love that person then there is a possibility temptation can take hold once again and another mistake can happen..
So to answer you question.. "NO, in my opinion." To me trust makes up 75 percent of your relationship!! Good Luck and I hope you can get through this tough time for you..

Answer 2

Well.. statistically a marriage that is trying to overcome an affair takes 2 years. In that 2 years they are in counseling and are both invested in fixing what's broke. The counseling is essential because there are bad days.. days where you can relive the hurt and become bitter. You'll learn how to trust and earn trust back in counseling. Realistically.. not everyone goes to counseling. I have been cheated on in some messed up ways before my husband so I came into this relationship with trust issues. Thing is.. he was absolutely great to me and I thought I knew how to trust again. I would have never thought he was capable of hurting me. Then 2 years ago he had become good friends with a girl at his work.. never even mentioned her to me! I was always home with our toddler and new baby and he would go out and play pool.. I was struggling with depression after the baby and I felt abandoned. Then I find that he text this chick asking for *nude pics.* I had an anxiety attack while he was just feet from me on the computer and I was holding the baby. I almost fainted from the magnitude of emotion that swept through me. My whole world crashed down that night and quite frankly.. its been slow rebuilding it. I will never be the same as I was before that incident. I won't ever look at him and *know* he is all that makes my world go 'round. I can forgive because he has been great in most ways since in trying to earn my trust back.. never defensive on my crazy days. Can I forget though? Can I forget that this guy that worked so hard to get through my wall so he could know me and made everything in my life better than it had ever been, hurt me more than I have ever hurt? I don't know. Some days I think I'm okay and some days I simply am not. Ill never look at him quite the same again, but I can build something with him that is just as good. But it is never the same as it was before. So yes.. people can overcome it.. but its never the same again.

Answer 3

up to u, if u can trust him then do it, but since hes giving u a reason of the past not to trust him, u can eitha forget the past n continue trusting him now until he gives a reason not u, or jus end the relationship, trust is eitha there or it isnt, doubt and trust cannot be in one heart. do u ever feel like u want to trust him but u cant becoz of the past?? if thts how it is then forget the past n try to trust him again this time round, if u dont u may well lose something u realy love. i kno cheating is abit serious but if u talk to him about it n tell him how u feel, maybe say how he would react in ur position, dont accuse him of anything, but that can make him think u dont trust him and ruin the relationship. id just say trust him this time round until he gives a reason not u (excluding the past)- because without trust ur relationships isnt gona go very far, if u want it to work trust him. trust is a delicate matter.

Answer 4

Shoegirl most certainly trust can be reestablished in relationships. But reality says that the person who was cheating on must do majority of the work in order for it to return. And you are 100% correct when you state he will become tired of constantly reassuring you as this will grow old eventually. Perhaps some form of relationship counseling would be of a benefit for either you or the pair of you. Trust is very important in all relationships and good luck having it return.

Answer 5

It take time .... same thing happen to me, I trying very hard to for the past year but then I realise that we always quarrel because I dont trust her anymore, even she has dont nothing wrong. It will only get worse. If you want to continue this relationship, you need to give 100% trust to him, if not just let go. Me and my gf has gone thru a hard time, but we are ok now, because I told myself to give both of us another chance and I forgive her. Also find out the reason why is he being unfaitful the past, is he not happy?

Answer 6

The good thing is is you gave it a shot, so you should not feel bad about not trusting him, but sometimes forgiving and forgetting is easier said than done. If you find it so hard to trust him again, maybe its better to call it quits at least until you regain the lost confidence. Otherwise you are just fooling yourself.

Answer 7

I left my wife of 15 years. The trust issue is destroyed and gone ! People can forgive but cant forget. Trust is slow built and quickly demolished. Harbor few ill feelings if u can.

Answer 8

Probably not. Once the trust is broken, then it pretty much stays that way for the very reasons you say. There is always a possibility he will cheat again.

Answer 9

Easy to blame yourself in some way for not being a trusting person, but this time he has to take the blame for the way you feel. If it's making you miserable, separate from him for a trial period of time to see how you feel. Love is meant to make you feel on top of the world, not carrying it on your shoulders. After a separation, you can sort out your feelings for yourself and decide whether you want the torment to go on.

Answer 10

Here's something for you. All guys are alike. They just love something from the field now and then. All of them. The ones who get caught, always lose their current girl because of it. It's the rule, the ones who don't are really good a being sorry as *ell about their misbehaving. If your in need of being reassured tell him, about one and 1/4 caret diamond , pear cut (flawless or VVS), would do nicely, as a pendent. Put his money where his mouth is. ta ta.