I have read all the questions that have been asked pertaining to this issue and I did not see one that fit perfectly with my problem. Almost 4 weeks ago, we set up a big boy bed for my 21 month old son. He was excited about the bed at first, and we spent several nights laying down with him until he fell asleep. It's now 3 weeks later and we are still laying down with him. We do all the normal bedtime unwinding rituals and he is very sleepy when it's time to go to bed. But the minute you tuck him in and leave the room, he gets up and is banging on the door crying and screaming. We thought after a few weeks of laying down with him, that he would be ok on his own. He was a perfect sleeper in his crib. But now I'm starting to believe that we have fostered a bad trend by laying down with him for so long. Now he expects it, and wakes up 1-3 times during the night screaming and banging on the door. I remember we had to let him "cry it out" with the crib. Is this the same issue?
2007-11-20 01:45:32 · 12 answers · asked by tamE444 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
We are due with our second child in April and need the crib.
2007-11-20 02:46:41 · update #1
We have tried the gate in the doorway instead of just shutting the door, he can crawl over it with no problem so that's not an option anymore.
2007-11-20 04:35:51 · update #2
Yes, it's the same issue, but he's older, so you can and should handle it differently.
Speak to him simply and say that big boys sleep in their own beds, all night long. and that starting (choose a night in the next week that can be attached to a memorable event for him) on X day, he will be going to sleep on his own, like a big boy, and mommy and daddy will not be laying down with him.
Make it at least two or three days in the future, so that you have a chance to press the idea, several times a day. At bedtime each night, talk about it. "Tonight, mommy is laying down with you, but on X nite, mommy is going to let you be a big boy and go to sleep on your own". Let him ask questions and answer them honestly. Encourage him by letting him know you know he will be able to do it, and give him ideas about things to try to sleep on his own.
Throughout the waiting period, whenever you meet someone, see an animal. Talk about their sleeping habits and how kangaroos sleep with their parents for a while, but when they get to be big kangas, they sleep in their own nest. Talk about birds, bugs, everything. Whatever you see, hear about or talk about, it's about that transition. Build this up big - you are now Spin Central.
Have a small celebration on the appointed night. Perhaps he could have a special cupcake, or a small treat at dinner - make it "Big Boy Night" at your house.
Also, let him know that there is a "Sleep Fairy". She leaves boys a small treat if they sleep through the night on their own. If boys don't sleep through the night, she leaves them an encouraging note.
Find a special, small toy. Make it cheap, you don't need to set a precedent. It can even be a McDonalds toy. When he finally does it, leave the toy in a special place with some 'fairy dust' (glitter) around it.
The fairy idea can actually be used for all sorts of things - potty training, cleaning, etc. The treats can be all kinds of things - fun size candy bars, 'coupons' for time together, toys, TV time (might as well play it both ways!). The notes from the fairy are always encouraging, and the fairy tapers it off by pronouncing the child 'graduated' to the next step of childhood. "You've gotten so good at this, and I am so proud of you! You don't really need me any more - you're such a big boy! But I will come around next time there is a big step to take".
This is SO much fun and works so well for children - instead of having something be horrible and traumatic, it's a great memory, instead. I sure wish I'd heard of it when my kids were small. I was more of the Axe-mom. I wish I'd taken the time to make more fun and have these things go more gently.
You only get one chance to raise this little guy - you might as well make the memories as wonderful as you can. For more 'fairy' ideas, you can visit www.housefairy.org. This is a program for tidying that you can buy for your children. But it would be cheaper and easier to adapt it to your needs at will.
2007-11-20 02:10:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You got some good suggestions so far, but let me add one thing. If you son has been in his crib since he was teeny-tiny, it might be his safe-haven. When he would sleep in his crib, he probably felt safe enough when you shut the door. Now that he's in a big boy bed, he may not feel safe. My suggestion is that you leave his door open and put a baby gate at the doorway. You can leave the hallway light off, and put a night-light in his room. He might just be scared. I'm not totally against teh crying method, but you only want to do that as a last resort and only if you know there aren't any other issues. If he's afraid of the dark, or scared to be alone, you need to addres that issue first before you let him cry it out.
Good luck...I hae a 17 month old and will probably be posting similar questions in the near future!!!
2007-11-20 01:59:32 · answer #2 · answered by Level Headed, I hope 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ouch! I feel your pain! ;) We've made the the transition from crib to bed with three children. Our youngest was two in August and we put her in a big-girl bed at about 21 months as well because we needed the space. It went OK mostly because we put her in a bunkbed with her big brother.
Maybe you should go back and revisit the reasons why you put him out of his crib. Do you need the space? Was there mother-in-law pressure? Did you just feel like "it was time"? Those can all be valid reasons, but for me the bottom line is what gives the whole household the most sleep? If the reason you put him in a bed (needed the space, etc.) don't outweigh the reasons for having peaceful nights (relaxation, intimacy with your husband) then maybe you ought to put the crib back up for awhile. When you try again in a few months he likely won't remember what happened during this go-around.
2007-11-20 01:53:58 · answer #3 · answered by Briana L 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My son did the same thing when we transitioned him to the bed. The best thing to do is let him cry if he gets out of bed just put him back and say "good night" It will probably take a week or so of rough nights but, in the end it will be worth it. He needs to learn that if he wakes up in the night to just roll over and go back to sleep. Instead he is used to looking for you now to comfort him back to sleep. He will be okay if you just stick with it. It is terrible to hear him cry but, just know that you are doing what is right for him. Good luck and stay strong!
2007-11-20 02:08:28 · answer #4 · answered by mama3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My son didn't transition well either. We took him to the store and let him pick out his big boy night light and then instead of shutting his door we put the gate up and left the door ajar. When he would get up in a fit we reassured him and laid him down again. After a few nights him was going to bed easily. When you do reassure him just give a hug a kiss tuck them in and walk away. I know it is not easy but don't talk, this tends to confuse them and that it may not be time to go to bed. My daughter however would get up and play. With her we offered a prize for staying in bed. If she stayed in bed all night and went to sleep she could pick out a sticker in the morning. This worked for her it took a little while to get out of picking out a sticker every morning but eventually she just went to bed. Good luck I know it isn't easy!
2007-11-20 02:06:05 · answer #5 · answered by desiwallace24 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From personal experience I would put him in his crib until he starts climbing out and then it is time for the big boy bed. My son just turned 3 in July and he has been in his toddler bed for about 6 months.
2007-11-20 01:49:15 · answer #6 · answered by Googler 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should get a safety gate for his door so he can sort off see and doesn't feel so closed in and by him self. do you have a night light that help us out with our son. we also had to let our son cry it out for a few day and then he used get up and play (big boy beds all fun and games lol )
2007-11-20 03:52:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your best bet would be to get up, take him back to his bed, reassure him for a few minutes, but do not lay down with him. He will not like it, and niether will you, but after a few exhaustive nights, he'll fall into his new routine.
edit: I think Matt's Mommy hit the nail on the head!
2007-11-20 01:51:13 · answer #8 · answered by sleepingliv 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had to let my daughter cry it out when she moved into a bed. It took 4 or 5 days but eventually she started going willingly. It sounds like your son got used to going to sleep with you by his side. It will be tough but that's probably the best way. Good luck!
2007-11-20 01:52:26 · answer #9 · answered by Erika L 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh my dear please let him sleep in his crib. He is letting you know that he is not ready yet. That's prefectly alright to wait. Do not let him cry it out. Later on in life that will come back to bother you when you realize that he is still just a baby.
I let my babies sleep in their cribs until they were 3 years of age.
Loretta
2007-11-20 01:53:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋