Why do religious people always suggest marriage counseling?

Question

Like thats gonna make me love or like my husband? Besides to me marriage is just an ancient ritual thats mostly just a piece of paper that enslaves women to be a mans property.

Got married cause I was pregnant & my grandma was gonna call my son a bastard if I didn't thats the only reason I got married. Its been 10 long miserable years.

Answer 1

Thanks for the follow up comment clarifying your situation. Now I can see that you are feeling sad, isolated, and trapped because your life is not the one you'd like and seems partially out of your control. That is hard, no doubt about it.

So why do religious people suggest marriage counseling?

Because we take marriage seriously. Specifically, we do not define "love" as a feeling but as something we choose to do - you choose to give support before you get it, to put the needs of the other at least on the same level as your own. And marriage is the commitment to do this with someone for life, to form an economic and spiritual unit, the context in which we believe human needs are best met and human instincts are best channeled.

All that said, counseling may not work. There might be nothing to save. And Christian counselors often want to impose scriptures on you that come from a time when little girls were given in marriage to relative strangers by their fathers in exchange for livestock, and where women were considered dirty for having a child under Levitical Law. Further, they often suggest that it would all work out if only you prayed and had faith that God would honor your marriage. As if chemistry were a matter of being more pious and as if God's been working against you thus far!

I do not know the details of your misery or to what extent your problems are caused by selfishness on both your parts. Counseling could provide a forum to get these things out and see if they can be fixed and the marriage saved for the sake of the child - statistics universally show that a child is better off with two heterosexual parents in the same household.

To the extent your problems are not caused by selfishness - for example, if your intellectual ideas about gender roles are completely mismatched - then you are probably headed for divorce.

But counseling can at least try and fix what can be fixed and stand up for unconditional love. As a policy, that's a good thing. When you want out right NOW, not so good. You have my sympathies.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Marriage counseling today is big business.

Marriage counselors get paid whether the marriage stays together or doesn't.

Some marriage counselors have never married themselves yet are giving advice to everyone (for a fee, of course).

In my view, much (not all) of marriage counseling is based upon a pass the buck to someone else strategy.

Are there occasional reports (a few reports) of marriage counseling helping couples, that is, an idea or two helping them make a course correction? Yes. Are there also reports of marriage counseling not helping couples at all and simply wasting their time and money? Yes.

Good luck.

Answer 4

I don't suggest marriage counseling to people who aren't Christians. Christian counseling can help in some cases, but I don't put much stock in the psycho-babble that's offered through secular counseling.

If that is your view of marriage, I strongly urge you not to get married.

Love is an act of will--it is a choice. It is different from the "in love" emotion that comes and goes in any relationship. Love is about CHOOSING to put another's needs above your own.
When it works as God intended, there is nothing more wonderful on the face of the earth. When it doesn't--when both people are totally committed to each other and "equally yoked" (both serving God) it does feel like enslavement.
I've experienced both and I tell you that I would do anything within my power to keep the wonderful marriage I have now--if that meant going to Christian counseling at some point to get back on track, I would do it in a heartbeat.

Answer 5

Cuz they are just that, again, religious. If it really has been ten long miserable years and you are a grown up and really make your own decisions, then what do you care what g'ma says? Take your happy camper butt up and get out the door and go! If you hate your hubby, hate your life and all that, why don't you grow up and go make a new one for yourself? Put one foot in front of the other and GO! No marriage counseler in their right mind would even offer to counsel you if you have this ten long miserable year mentality goning on anyway. I also have a question for you. If it has really been that long and miserable, WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING THERE ANYWAY???? You maen to tell me you have no fond memories? You have nothing that is even worth the time you have spent with this guy? he does not provide? He does not care for you or your child? You have nothing that you can look back at and smile at? I would be making tire tracks and screechin rubber.

God Bless you and bring you into His Truth!

Answer 6

Marriage is work, even when you start out hopelessly in love. I personally would not stay in a loveless marriage. But before I jumped ship, I would do all I could to make sure I wasn't the problem. Personal evaluation is a must. You don't sound like you are in a very good frame of mind. Pay attention to yourself and what you feel. I would start reconnecting to my husband by playing a game. Make believe that your husband is everything you ever wanted him to be (your knight in shining armor, so to speak). Treat him as if he is and he just may turn out to be so. Enslave your husband instead of the other way around. If you feel you are a man's property, that is your own personal feeling, not the way it really is. I am the property of no one and I have been married for 26 wondertough years.

Answer 7

Not just religious people suggest marriage counseling. Divorce tears peoples lives apart so it is best to try and work it out if possible. If that is what your idea of marriage is, don't get married. My marriage has its ups and downs, but I am not my husband's property. We do things for each other because we love each other.

Answer 8

Property? Women? Men? Now you're talking about Iraqi an wives who are property of their husbands, and it's culturally acceptable for men to beat their wives, even to point of scarring and crippling. In answer to your question, it's not just religious people who always suggest a marriage counselor, but non-Christiana also suggest you see a professional because they don't have an answer for you. No one wants misdirect you. You should seek a divorce rather than painfully suffer in this marriage. If he feels you are property be careful . . . you know the Drew Peterson case. That was about possession. Take care of yourself!

Answer 9

I'm an Atheist and I sometimes suggest marriage counseling.

I don't believe both people have to go together.

Talking to an impartial person who understands people can sometimes help a troubled marriage.

But why in the world if you don't believe in marriage would you get married.....that's a reason to see a personal counselor....lol

Answer 10

Sounds like you need the couselling for yourself. Not to be mean, but seriously. You got married because of your Grandma's opinion, not because you "loved" the man you slept with? Why did you sleep with him? You have a bad image of what marriage is (its not about property at all), and perhaps the counselling will help you understand that.

You give no details about your relationship to your husband, so all we can assume is that you simply don't like your husband. If that's the case, grow up. Different story if he's abusive, to you or your child.