Complex psychology of interracial dating.?

Question

I'm an Arab Egyptian male 19-year-old. To cut a long story short, I'm intellectual, westernized, agnostic, and generally very intelligent. I reject my politics and religion and loathe my ethnic identity—a colonial mentality/inferiority complex it may be called, but it is what it is. Considering that brief, maybe irrelevant background information, although I like striking women of all races, I find I'm strongly attracted to white women because I believe their features are the rarest, frailest, and most beautiful—creamy white skin, brilliant blue or green eyes, smooth golden hair—the eye color and skin color I'd want myself, and I'm planning a makeover for the pending years, but anyhow—I think they're angelic. I'm obviously far from alone in this, because I read that twice as many black men marry white women as black women (I'm naturally tan).

I kind of understand why some people dislike the idea of white women being with people of color. I've seen white women wind up with Muslim fundamentalists, ghettoized blacks, etc. On the Dr. Phil show they got some 20-year-old black man living with a 34-year-old white woman who was supporting him financially for sex. The guy was basically smiling the whole episode, as if he was proud he could bang a white woman 10 times a week. "Don't fix what ain't broke," as the Phil described it. I know people like that come from every race, but it's easy to see why certain people get disgusted. It makes me feel bad about my preferences, which I don't want to offend anyone. I'll probably date white women anyway, but how can I do it with minimal provocation? Bleaching my skin? Plastic surgery? Becoming an important person? I'll have the first two in any case, but I want your take on this intricacy.

Two more things—(1) I don't want to have children. (2) Don't call me shallow or racially prejudiced, and don't tell me to do what I want and not care what people think though. I won't be able to take that advice.

Answer 1

Hopefully my answer will stand out among the ones that are really long and do not honestly answer your question or concern.

You are one of many suffering from inferioty complex. You already seem to realize this..but before you involve in any relationship with your ideal partner you should become more confident in who you are. As a person of color as well, I have learned that white people do not respect someone that is trying too hard to become something they are not (michael jackson). There are plenty of women that are white that tan to be dark and now white men are tanning too..why is this? because they envy our exotic look..now why would you want to loose this?

Answer 2

Whoa! Okay, I'm not sure I could actually sort out a question but... I think it's okay for you (and everybody else) to date white women. The point is just that you shouln't date them ONLY BECAUSE of their ethnicity. Also, I can't say I feel happy about whatever *bleaching* surgery you were talking about - I have no right to tell you not to go trough with it if it's really what you want, but don't let stupid people's opinions push you into making an important choice. If nothing else, think about what the 90-year old you would say about that.
BTW, interestinlgy enough I've heard that many women like Latinos, whether they are such themselves or not. o.O Who knows what the mystery of genetics has planned for the human race in the future...

Answer 3

My very best advice-learn to love yourself for exactly who you are. There is nothing wrong with being dark. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to women that are like you or different from you. It's not what you look like but who you are and what you do that counts. I'm not religious either but there is that thing about coveting. Don't obsess. I've lived where I am darker than the majority and now I live where I am lighter than the majority and prejudice is always directled at the person that is different. It's such a waste of time and effort. Just be yourself and do those things that make you proud of who you are. Self respect is so import and then the rest just falls into place. Good luck and peace.

Answer 4

Im not going to call you shallow OR racist, but I will call you DELUSIONAL. Lets be honest with ourselves here-Im reading something about you bleaching your skin or dying your hair to make it easier for you to hook up with a White woman. Everyone has issues INCLUDING White women. You will be bleaching your skin trying to look more like them and they will be TANNING their skin trying to look darker. See the pattern? You need a good college education with a concentration on social issues or Sociology and maybe even Psychology as well. You are young and have been conditioned to think in an absurd manner. But what really astonishes me is not that you crave for a White woman, rather, that you do not know who you are and yet you are searching. Watching Dr. Phil is not going to help you. I bet you didnt know that Oprah (a GOD FORBID LOL BLACK WOMAN) put Phil on the map? But thats irrelevant, you may actually NEED seeing a psychiatrist. Your talking aimlessly and senselessly is ok on the internet, but please do not go out in public thinking/speaking/carrying on like this. Something serious will result from your crazy ideals and beliefs.

Answer 5

Well, what makes you any different to the rest of male society? The ads in magazines and billboards portray (brainwash) society into "believing" that cauasians are the epitiomy of "beauty." You can't help notice the creamyness of their skin (airbrushed) to help give these (no older than) twenty somethings their angelic "looking" like qualities. If you read about their lifestyles you know they are not even close to being angels. There is nothing wrong with your attraction as long as it does not become an obsession. As you know all things get old. Grapes, apricotes and apples . Unless the cauasians have good genes, they are the first ones to shribble up like a dried prune. That skin of theirs gets so thin and wrinkled because there is no color (melanin) which helps people of color have substance to their skin. I have seen ***** females who at 40 could pass for 19. Another at church, there for the baby dedication (thought it was her child ) for her 19 year old son. She had the looks and figure of a 22 yr old! Dont know any cauasian females that could pass like that, that were up there. Seen a couple of males. One was 42 a surfer at that. He looked like he was in his late 20's. Another was an old 82 German man who only had a streak of gray in his red hair. He could pass for early 50's.
Most important is the heart of the person. Soooo a truly wise man would be "saved" (Romans 10;9) develope a "relationship" with the God who created everything and knows everything about anything. Then make your request known to him. Wait on him to bring to you your mate (your side rib). The one who was created just for you. Then that wise man knows he could not go wrong because God is perfect and our picture is flawed by what we do not know (the heart of the person).

Answer 6

Exquisite details. I find it comforting in your analogies that you appreciate what you are and that you, being a stable and well educated individual, that you are confident in changing your own appearance. That is important to you, and it sounds like you've completely wrapped your mind around it. Good start! For one person to find another beautiful, and everything that makes up that beauty is so healthy! I personally would say that every relationship is complex psychology...it takes a lot of work to build one and to keep it alive. And it sounds like you have a good idea that you will get looks and stares and generalized stereotypes as to why you and "your woman" are together. I think you will do fine, and I, personally wouldn't consider it interracial dating, just another couple trying to make it, like the rest. Good luck to you, and hopefully society will open its eyes to see its humans just being humans.

Answer 7

Don't do anything with your skin!!!

You are crazy for even thinking that. Its quite funny though... i am a white man, who finds arab women extremely attractive and the funny part is, most of them are muslim so there goes my chance with them. Does that mean i should convert to be a muslim so i can date them? NO!

and my method is a lot easier then yours... don't bleach your skin or anything... that would be a huge mistake. Just approach them and talk to them

Answer 8

just for the record i am a black girl(19) african, and i dont think it matters what colour you date, but of course thats only my opinion, firstly i would like to say that you should not hate yourself for thats there were you were created, if you change your skin it will be like rejecting yourself, so you wont be any different from people rejecting interracial relatioships, if you like white girls, truth is it will be tough for you to get a white girl, because there are white girls who are into black guys, but i have not met that many(not that i have met many people).what is shallow about what you are saying you wanting to change yourself to please people who would think you are crazy for bleaching yourself, you wont get what you want anyway.you just have to look at the right places.when you enter into a interracial relationship, just be strong enough not to listen to what people say, love your partner enough to defend them, and be ready for awkward looks , and at times hurtful things, all these things should not matter but they do offend and hurt,so just be ready to take what it brings, no it not a bad thing(interracial relationships) i mean.Just start to love youself enough to love the women you want.

Answer 9

haha.
honestly, i would rather be with a hispanic, asian, or indian guy.
i find them the most attractive.
i date white guys, yes, but i am not attracted to them in the same way i am a man of color.
but for some odd reason i am NOT attracted to black men in any way, shape, or form.

i am seriously wierd i know.
haha.

but anywhoo, i think it is fine that you are attracted to white wemon. thats great. if they are the ones you are attracted to you should be with them.
=)