Hi everyone. Here's the problem: my wife is doing a MSc course at the University of Manchester. She's got many, many questions about a particular course so she sent way too many emails to the lecturer. The lecturer, after a while, got fed up with the number of emails and said he would not reply any more emails from her. I also work for the University and I was thinking: should I send him an email thanking him for the support and apologising for the trouble my wife gave him? I think it might be a good idea for him to know she is not alone and to avoid resentments towards her because he would know her husband (hello!) is a colleague. What do you think? Is it wise to do so? I wouldn't want him to be harsh or to keep resentments towards her for the rest of the course. He has not shown any so far. Anyway, could you give me your opinion? Should I send the email or not?
Cheers everyone!
2007-11-20 00:04:26 · 26 answers · asked by Edgar 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Thank you very, very much everyone, this has been most helpful indeed. Your help is much appreciated. Cheers!!!
2007-11-20 00:37:58 · update #1
IMO: No...
Let sleeping dogs lie.
I used to work for a university and, as a general principle, I would say that it is bad policy to make any sort of intercessions with faculty on behalf of family members taking courses.
You might want to explain to your wife that faculty post office hours for a reason.
.
2007-11-20 00:09:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
The problem with emailing is that it is too easy. If your missus couldn't whip off quick email queries she would probably do the necessary research to find out the answers for herself. I think her lecturer was a bit off to just say he wouldn't answer any more emails; he should have explained why. But if your missus is doing a p.g. degree she should know that anyway.
I am amazed by the questions that appear which can easily be answered (by Googling, for instance).And I am a bit surprised that someone from the ivory towers needs to seek advice on etiquette from here.
But to answer your question, don't apologise; it isn't any business of yours. You could help your wife make her own decision in the matter
2007-11-20 00:27:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know you have to 'side' with your wife but look at it logically. Keep your nose out , this IS the time to stay in the background. Why , O , Why did she send so many emails to this certain individual. Has she a "Crush" on him? The lecturer is a professional and he shouldn't have resentments towards his students. I can see how he is getting rather annoyed though. Ask her outright about her 'thinking' , talk to HER , get it out in the open.
2007-11-20 00:19:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Considering the e-mailing was what got her in trouble in the first place maybe you should just approach the man at work instead. You should simply explain the situation and why she had sent so many e-mails and just say say you were sorry that this played out the way that it did. I am not sure that I would directly apologize for the e-mails because as a professor it is his job to answer questions on his course, no matter how many. I would just try to ease the situation by more apologizing for the frustration.
2007-11-20 00:16:31 · answer #4 · answered by eireaislinn 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, don't apologize. I wouldn't be happy with my husband if he did---it would be like he was siding with the professor over me. I don't think your wife should apologize either. It is her teacher's responsibility to TEACH her....and if she's having trouble, he must help her the best he can.
It's great that you want to support your wife. Instead of going around 'cleaning up' her mistakes, why don't you actively help her instead? I don't know what her degree is in, but is there any way you could help her with it, or perhaps, find someone else who is more familiar with the course to do so?
2007-11-20 01:22:01 · answer #5 · answered by wisdomteeth 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do, DON'T send him another email. Similarly, aligning yourself to him as a colleague could be perceived by him as a way to get your wife better grades.
If anything, speak to (not email) the lecturer's Head of Department to outline the concerns mentioned in your question. However, if the lecturer has not shown any resentment so far, it may be best to let it rest.
If your wife has questions she needs answered, she's probably better to save them up so that they can be asked personally in one hit.
2007-11-20 00:19:08 · answer #6 · answered by Miss Sally Anne 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would say that doing so would not necessarily make things better for your wife. Some things are better left on their own and since he is busy, will probably forget on his own, so no need to re-hash bad memories. Everyone make mistakes, and it would help if the next time your wife has questions, she should write them all out, think about it before sending email. She'll make better memories that way.
2007-11-20 00:37:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to think about what you will gain by sending this email.
You will not make any difference to any help he might give your wife, he has called a day to that.
Will if make any difference to your freindship/working relationship with this guy? Not really.
In other words, you have nothing to gain.
You will however, risk your wife finding out through him, finding it on your pc, word getting around, sometimes they just find things out!
What will that do? cause bloody world war 3, that's what!
She will bring a whole new meaning to the words 'kick off' and you will certainly feel her wraith.
It seems you feel the need for someone to tell you your doing the right thing by supporting your wife, you should be doing this anyway.
Why do you need this approval?
There is absolutely no benefit for sending this email other than to boost your own ego.
Go on, tell me i'm wrong.
2007-11-20 00:16:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
It sounds as if he is being professioal already and has not held it against her so far. If there is an apology due it would be from your wife and not you !!.But it does not sound as if there is any need to do so as yet. You support her with her studies if you can and suggest other places for getting the help she might need to answer her questions. Like you just have.
2007-11-20 00:20:29 · answer #9 · answered by kay 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you should apologise. In fact, if anyone should apologise, it should be the lecturer.
I assume your wife was asking him questions about the course? and as a lecturer, he has a duty to answer these questions, whether through e-mails, or during the lecture.
If your wife is having particular difficulties, maybe she should speak to the lecturer, or indeed anyone else that could offer her extra help or tuition.
2007-11-20 00:12:22 · answer #10 · answered by ♥Miss Inquisitive♥ 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋