How to handle rebellous teen?

Question

My daughter of 15 yrs old is getting very rebellous and cunning. She would talk back whenever she is questioned on certain issues. But she terms talking back as "fighting for my rights". I feel hurt, angry and disappointed. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

wow poor you
you will have to be smarter ..
give her enough rope too hang herself but not enough to choke herself .. let her ask for help and then get her out without the sermon. i have two boys and i let them make wrong decision (when i can predict the outcome) the i tell them i told you so.. only once especially with girls still be a mom keep one eye on them at all times..
my boys get mad at me all the time then i ask them what kind of a mother wolud i be if i dont correct them.. my job is not only to eep them alive and feed them but to show how to be a good person and a responsible one..
let her have her rights but make sure your within an earshot away..kids think we are retarded little do they know we can predict with 95% accuracy the result of there decision .. i let them make the mistake once on there own and then next time i ask them if they remember the last time..
maybe you protect her too much and dont let her get hurt enough to fear the next time...
good luck

Answer 2

Reality of child rearing.
Teenagers are despicable creatures. There is no person quite so selfish and self centered than a teenager.

The point at which a teen decides they know better than you it is time to quit treating them like a child and treat them as you would an adult.

Do not question them regarding "fighting for her rights". Her "rights" as a teen are not rights they are privileges which are bestowed by her adherence to the reasonable rules of the household.

Fight with them and you lose. State your expectations and see what happens. Meeting expectations = success. Not meeting expectations = grounded AND no funds. Poor grades = locked in her room until an acceptable GPA is achieved.

Cooperation = increased privilege.

Discussions must be heard. Talking back? You both should learn how to discuss things without argument.
She has to learn conflict resolution with out emotion. Guess what, so do you!
Take the anger and hurt out of this. Leave it to logic to prevail.

Answer 3

Well, yes, it's that time of life.

You might insist on at least a civil tone and remind everyone they are ultimately on the same side with roughly the same goals.

But you do need to make preparing her for flight one of your goals :-).

On the other hand, of course, she would not feel safe if you didn't continue to stand your ground on what is important.

I don't know the details well enough, but in general, you should try to reassess your hurt, anger and disappointment, with an eye towards dismissing as much as you reasonably can.

ADDED: I am reminded of a book I have somewhere about titled (roughly) "Get Out of My Life, but First, Could You Drive Me And Cheryl to the Mall?"

Answer 4

"Fighting for her rights?"... geez! You need to spell it out that she has the same rights whether she is 7 or 17... none.

You have to be the parent, which means you must use every method at your disposal to instill the values in your children that will help them to be successful in life. They cannot navigate our society without morals, ethics, responsibility and respect.

If that means instilling respect by means of a well aimed slap on the face or a doubled-up belt across their behinds, then so be it. If you have to take away prized possessions (computer, I-pod, video game), or ground them, that is fine. You do what you must to get the point across. Try to keep in mind this phrase: "what would have gotten through to me at this age?"

You provide for all of their needs, so while they are under your roof, the kids must obey your rules. They must go to school, keep their grades up, do their homework, pick up after themselves and do whatever chores you ask of them. If they will not comply, the door is that-a-way. You have to handle these little insurrections hard and fast.

Your new mantra is, “If the mama ain’t happy, then NOBODY is happy.” The mama is the ultimate authority. You must step into your power as such.

Answer 5

I did the same thing to my mom and she felt the same way but she didn't let her guard down cuz she knew i was just going through a phase. I'm sure your daughter is too. Don't let you're guard down and stay on your motherly "rights" lol. she'll get over it and off her high horse then you'll see she'll thank you later and even apologize ^_^ Good luck! however i do agree with julie as well, now that i think about it, my dad gave me responsibility but still let me have some independence and i was able to discover things out on my own. I didn't feel he was uptight and we didn't fight as much. with my mom, i didn't want to be around her, we're best friends becuase of it now but. this might be coming out very wrong, i'm sorry if it is, i'm very tired and i don't really feel like editing to make it sound good.

Answer 6

Well at 15, you need to look at how your talking to her and handling the situation. I would suggest you seek concealing for yourself to deal with her. someone you trust, and that has had experience with teenager. Remember your her mother still, not her friend yet that will come in time just not yet . Keep the lines of talking open. don't shut her down she need to feel she can come and talk to you.

Answer 7

15 is when most teenagers start "smelling" themselves. If at 15 this is what is going on, it didn't happen over night and what in the past did you think that her smart mouth was cute, it should have been dealt with then. What my Mother and Father did with my sister and I was, a nice smack across the mouth, it hurts and it works (I am a survivor). God Bless.

Answer 8

You dont need to handle them like their a animal or something, she isi just trying to gain independance I would give her freedom but responsibility too, in other words loosen the reigns but not all the way, being 14 myself I know she just wants independance be nice dont be her friend and assert herself she'll appreciate it in the long run

Answer 9

You need to treat her like she is an a adult and talk to her like you are her friend not her mom . I know it is hard but i was like that at her age and yelling our demanding her to talk to you is not going to work. and tell her that if she would like respect she need to show it first.

try asking her thing in a diffrent tone in your voice.
my mum found by letting us do what we want as long it was under her roof so she can see what we are up to.
our boyfriend slept on mattresses on the floor in our room but we had to leave the door open.
little thing like that mum new where safe coz we where at home.
good luck!

Answer 10

I'm 14, I do like to have rights, but I realized how bad my life would suck without the rights I already have. Maybe show her to deal with the rights she has right now.