we try so hard and sacrafice so much for our children, my husband and I have a 3 and 1 year old together and he has a 9 year old that only comes on visits, I have been in her life since she was 1 year old. we try so hard but there is never a thankyou, Is this just how it is being a parent, was I once this way. and how do you dicipline differently being the step mom they are all girls. and I know that I need to let my stepdaughters dad kinda do the diciplin there but what about when he is not here. I have the responsibility to all 3 and it is not fare to the younger ones to get in touble for things and not the 9 year old she is my kid too. kinda I have been an important person in her life since she was one.
2007-11-19 18:31:48 · 10 answers · asked by Amie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You need to tell your hubby that if she is going to continue to get nice things etc, she has to learn to say thank you and show her appreciation and respect, just as the other two do.
I used to tell my daughter. I don't care what the rules are at your dad's house, these are the rules at mine. She really appreciated it, and was a better child for her dad because of it.
2007-11-19 18:36:46 · answer #1 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If children are raised properly, like I know I was, they always say please and thank you. They need to show you love, and respect. I love all four of my children to this day, but all of there feelings toward us parents is altogether different with some of them. As far as the disciplining goes, it's not going to be easy. I'll give you an example of what I had to go through and it wasn't pretty. My husband basically didn't do much of anything with the kids if they were naughty until our last child was born. Now he feels guilty about treating him too harshly. My disciplining was taking away things and rewards that they love. An example would be no television, no sleepovers, no loud music. Only quiet time in your room for a certain amount of time. Then I was taught that you're not supposed to hit your kids anywhere, because that's considered abuse. You need to use timeouts, which is the 123 program. Every child has to listen to there parents, and if they don't or refuse, then they have to suffer the consequences for there actions. They can't get privileges if they didn't earn them. I made a lot of mistakes with my children and I'm still paying for this. Good luck.
2007-11-19 19:13:56 · answer #2 · answered by sweet_susy59 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to remember she is a nine year old girl. That is an ugly place to be...and it only gets uglier.
If she only comes for visits, could her other guardian be saying things? That tends to be a giant issue...
I hope, and imagine, by the time she is in her 20's (I know it is so far away) she will recongize everything and thank you...
While it maybe difficult, keep doing what you are doing and in the end, she will become a resonable person and understand more about life.
2007-11-19 18:38:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
About the thank you part. That comes when they're adults, if you're lucky. The stepmother part is harder. Decide with your husband what the house rules are, and what the punishments will be if the kids break them. Have a very firm set of rules and punishments. The Dad should be the one to explain those. Have him explain that those rules and expectations apply to all of the girls. Then when you're alone with the 9-yr-old, she will understand what's expected of her and what will happen if she doesn't comply.
2007-11-19 18:42:48 · answer #4 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi,if you are expecting thank you from a 9 years old girl then you are not parents,love from parents to children is unconditional,that is why it has been said at least in my language that heaven is under the steps of the mothers,like red carpet,love someone is a gift that you are giving yourself,think twice befor you asking her father to diciplin your stepdaughter.
2007-11-19 18:44:39 · answer #5 · answered by bibileady 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself this question and answer it with complete honesty.....Do YOU expect a "THANK YOU " from YOUR children ???? Of course you don't expect a "thank you " for being a parent from your own , so why would you expect it from her ?? If you have been in this child's life for eight years and you have to ask about thank yous and discipline than something isn't right ..and I am getting the feeling from your letter that it is ultimately you...a little jealousy maybe ? Don't mean to sound mean but just wanted you to look at it from someone Else's view and get a little perspective.
2007-11-19 21:57:28 · answer #6 · answered by mom23 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Amielou, a wee-bit frustrated? :-)
Here's a simple thing to explain to her in a gentle but assured manner:
"Listen, people live in different places, live in different ways and have different rules. When you're here, you follow the house rules from the people who live here. When you are at your other place, you do the same with them. When you grow up and have your own place to live, you can have your own rules. Until then, I ask you to cooperate in this household."
Why would you discipline in a different way? Your house, your rules. And oh, explain that to your man as well, because he needs to support you in what you do.
2007-11-19 18:40:46 · answer #7 · answered by Tom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be whoever you elect to be :) in case you have got here across your self, be your self! i'm sorry to hearken to you acquire sexually abused yet you need to not enable it get in the way of your lifestyles, if it grew to become into extremely that undesirable which i desire it wasn't i'm specific you are able to have the skill to get some counselling? yet have self assurance it or no longer, no longer all adult males merely choose to have intercourse with you. as quickly as you locate the final guy you will understand this, yet till then relish severe college and be whoever you elect to be because of the fact the international could be a humdrum place if we've been all an identical. And as far as adult males pass, provide them a probability! Being friendly does not injury, and you will possibly be able to get a good buddy out of it! or maybe something greater, yet you do no longer might desire to anticipate that adult males will basically sense lust in the direction of you. i desire you relish something of your days in severe college and that i desire I helped! approximately going returned to being gruesome, think of roughly your buddies then, think of roughly your buddies now. whether you probably did be sure to pass returned do you think of they could easily consult with you after gazing you grow to be extensive-unfold? it is greater advantageous to look forward, do no longer look returned!
2016-11-12 04:15:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like shes spoiled rotten
which does her no good she must be taught the meaning of value
your best bet is to buddy up to her and try and show her good morals and ethics
point out when shes being jaded but don't scold her or talk down to her do it tactfully
2007-11-19 18:38:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
what?
2007-11-19 18:33:38 · answer #10 · answered by WildFlower 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋