Trying to understand my father?

Question

My dad has anger problems and they were pretty bad. Now I'm 17 and i got to bugging him too much about getting me a new computer so he completely went beserk and pretty much tossed everything in my room. What I don't get is that Im about 5 inches taller than him, can probably stop him or more likely sock him yet when he goes crazy I start crying and shivering? It's like he has this unknown power controlling me that well gives me more fear than ever. Why or what pshycological thing causes this?

I've been having problems with my father throughout my whole life. I don't really have a relationship and I could really care less about him ( hes only been maybe 1% part of my life in seeing me. Somedays he doesnt even say a word to me) had it not been my dependance on his income. But usually when I cry, I think about how I see families on TV or see how my friend reacts with his dad and I just feel this emptyness. I don't know what to do..

during arguements, I pretty much have to stop crying or hell start ripping stuff up. If i *don't agree with him ,he'll keep going on and on about how worthless I am ( in korean). My mom sometimes makes up poor escuses that its acceptable to have my dad insult me and yell at me and that it's abusive. It's really hard for me to understand because I'm really a product of american culture...

I want to know if it's abuse or just something phsycological ingrained into your head since youth..

it's really nothing to do about computers really. More like whenever theres an arguement he insist for really total domination. I should really cut him some slack, but I'm afraid that if this happens until I get to college, our bond will be forever severed. It was odd though. I started crying before he ran into my room because I read something out of Proverbs about how son's should really respect father and show wisdom and not argue. I understood my short term thinking and he comes in with fist ablazing. man the irony...

Answer 1

HE IS ABUSIVE. you are scared because of this. He is controlling. Go get counseling and get your mother some help.

Answer 2

Your father has a anger problem . Does not mean he doesn't love you . Honor him ... try to talk to him after hes been up a while ...after he has eaten and when he is not tired . This MIGHT help but don't be surprised if it doesn't . Something sets him off. Could it be your irresponsible and your mistake and lack of respect to breaking the computer? Even so ...he should not react in this manner . Hope you will learn something from this as you will have children of your own 1 day. The saying is true sometimes ya can't teach a old dog new tricks but sometimes the dog was never taught the right way... Talk to your mom . You are almost 18. Soon you will be on your own. If the situation cannot be handled through counseling then maybe it will be time for you to move out on your own . It is a rough place out there and it is hard to support yourself. Respect your parents wishes and rules . Go to college to make a life for yourself . Families need to pull together to fix problems but 1st he has to see there is 1.Start by telling him how you feel . You only have 1 Dad and that man you will love and worship all your life . When he is gone you will wish you had better terms w/ him so try ...Thats all you can do.... You cry b/c you love him and thats ok. Try not to take things personnal b/c he loves you more than you will know . You'll have a good idea when you have kids of your own.... Good luck HONEY...

Answer 3

I am a dad with 3 daughters. I know it must be hard for him being a dad. There are no classes for parents and when kids are growing up we make all kinds of mistakes. Maybe he doesn't feels he can afford to get you a new computer right now. I don't know not being there but I do know that love conquers anything. If only all of you can just show a little more compassion your lives will be immeasurably better. Best of luck!

Answer 4

I am sorry for what you are going through here.. really! I am a father now with a daughter 13. And I have at times had anger problems too. My father was a very abusive man and I was often scared of him when he lost his temper. Just like you! Now, does your mom know about his temper and your fear of him? Maybe somehow you can try and have a talk with your father when he is in a good state of mind and explain to him how fea rfull you have become to be in his presence. May God be with you during this time. :)

Answer 5

It sounded like my dad used to be. My dad reacted like this due to drinking. The good news is he slowed down, had grand kids and now is a new man.

I am sorry for your situation. It sounds like conditioning. I really don't know what you can do except find a friend or other family member to stay with.

Families on TV are not real. No family is like this.

Answer 6

it's a sad scenario really.Leaving all other things aside,is it possible for you to understand why he like he is?Now, as a grown up person, is it possible for you to let bygones be bygones and try to develop a normal relationship with him? A father-son relationship is very special and can be really rewarding for both.Your fear of him may be based on your earlier memories but is not so important if you think of working on starting a new relationship with him.Don't hesitate to involve others who are close to both of you.Hope it works out for good.Good luck.

Answer 7

have you tried talking to mom about this? Have you told your Dad that he is scaring you. Try talking to him when he is not raging. I said talk not argue. Seek family counsling. If all this fails, speak to your counsler at school about getting out of that house.

Answer 8

Try to talk to your father and tell him all the above. This is your last chance to reconcile with your father.

Answer 9

tell him how you feel then show him that you don't need him...do what i did i got a job and bought what i wanted and needed..the problem is that he thinks he is important to u change that show him that u dont need him and u dont care if he is there or not